Tag: sailesh mishra

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Deal with it

A second home for our seniors

Mumbai gets first assisted living facility for senior citizens at Nala Sopara, under the aegis of the Silver Innings Foundation.
by the Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Walkway leading to the houseLast weekend, we made the trip to A1 Snehanjali, an assisted living facility for senior citizens at Nala Sopara. At that point, it seemed difficult to believe that anybody would send their aged parents so far away from the city; the facility itself is about four kilometres away from the railway station.

But once we got there, we saw why not just their families, but the senior citizens themselves would like to give Snehanjali a try. Located inside a villa on a chowk that is in close proximity to a school, a market and a hospital, the place is not cut off from the rest of the area and is well-equipped to both house and handle residents.

“We were very clear that we are not opening an old age home. This is a space for assisted living,” says Sailesh Mishra of Silver Innings Foundation, which has started A1 Snehanjali. “People don’t need old age homes, which are essentially dumping grounds for our elders. They need services which may be both short term and long term. For instance, some people need to travel for a few weeks and need their parents to be taken care of. Or they may be based abroad but would want their parents to have medical attention and to be monitored. Many times we blame families for sending their elders away, but at times, they have no choice.”

Why assisted living matters

For a city that has hardly any facilities for senior citizens, an experiment like A1 Snehanjali is a worthwhile one. “There are five bedrooms, and we areBedrooms at Snehanjali able to take in only 13 people at the moment. There are several applications, but we select the residents carefully,” explains Sailesh. “We are trying to ensure that the space is interactive, and that it feels like home.” He adds that the selection process includes rejecting applications where it is clear that the family is banishing the elder from the home, or if the person needs daily nursing.

Silver Innings has tried very hard to make the space a welcoming one. Walking surfaces are provided in the compound, with specially-paved areas and lawns for residents to walk on barefoot. Flowers, herbs and vegetables have also been planted; the produce is to be used in the kitchens. “We provide vegetarian food, low on salt and spices, but once a month, a resident may eat non-vegetarian food brought from home,” Sailesh says. On-site medical facilities are available round the clock.

About seven CCTV cameras monitor the premises constantly, and the gates are always locked. “Those suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s have the tendency to wander,” Sailesh explains. “We have to keep them occupied, so we have TV and recreation roomplanned daily activities that they can be a part of if they wish to. Otherwise, they can watch television or listen to music or simply stay in their rooms.” Sundays is a day of eating whatever the residents wish, and they are permitted visitors on any day of the week. “We don’t have a lights-off rule and in fact, there are no rules for residents,” says Sailesh.

Who can make the cut

The NGO is very clear on who can be admitted. “We meet the person only through a referral, to gauge the need to send the person to us in the first place. We take in people who are suffering from Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, those bed-ridden by paralysis but not needing constant nursing, and people over 80 with mobility issues,” he says. But people suffering from TB and AIDS are not admitted as of now.

“There is a Rights of Residents charter that must be signed. We insist on families visiting them once a month, or if they can’t, we’ve provided Skype too. Besides this, we allow the residents to network outside with the local community. The idea is to let the resident have a good life here.”

If you want to know more about A1 Snehanjali and if you think you should send an older family member there, contact Sailesh Mishra on silverinnings@gmail.com or a1snehanjali@gmail.com.

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Trends

What senior citizens want…

Ever wonder why a person past the age of 60 wants to marry again? We get experts to tell us.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Shantanu Banerjee* (71), a Bandra-based businessman, lost his wife to cancer four years ago. “Dealing with her illness was painful, especially the last months, when she was home and there was nothing more I could to help her,” he says. “Then she passed away, and our big house began to torture me by being so empty.”

Last year, Shantanu decided to address his loneliness. “I was living with my sister in Bangalore, and I joined a senior citizens club there. I met a woman who my own age, and like me, she loved watching movies and going for walks,” he remembers. Soon, the walks turned into day-long trips, the movie-watching turned into shopping excursions. “We realised we liked being with each other. She was a widow, had been for 10 years. But her outgoing nature made me come out of my grief. I decided to marry her.”

Shantanu and Gayathri Shetty* were married in a quiet ceremony last year. “We live in Mumbai and she has adjusted well. I love having her around the house,” he beams.

Shantanu and Gayathri are part of a growing tribe of seniors that are opting for a second shot at happiness in their twilight years. Given India’s current demographic – the UN says 32 crore of the country’s population will be over 60 years old in the year 2020, and India will soon be counted amongst the world’s ageing nations (where the geriatric population goes up every year) – we are looking at a situation where there will be several, single senior citizens. And most of them might need to find partners.

“People at that age are not necessarily looking for sex in the marriage. They are looking more for love and companionship. We’ve seen that while men want a companion, women want financial security,” says Sailesh Mishra, founder of the NGO Silver Innings, which works for senior citizens in the country.”And while there are several people whose families do not want them to marry ‘at that age’ because they fear what people will think, and also because they don’t realise that old people also need companions, we are happy to see that some children and relatives are totally supportive of them,” he adds.

A number of marriage bureaux catering to senior citizens have sprung up in recent times. Natubhai Patel (62), who started the first such bureau in Ahmedabad and who has to his credit 75 marriages and 25 live-in relationships among senior citizens across the country, says, “At that age, there is no confusion in the person’s mind about what he or she wants from the partner they seek.

For example, there was a 72-year-old who said that he wanted a wife who could also have sex with him. We found a woman, a widow, for him who was prepared to fulfil this condition. Another woman who came to me said that she got a good pension from her deceased husband’s company, and she didn’t want to give it up by marrying another man, but that she wanted a companion. Today, she lives with a man of her age at his home.”

Natubhai says he has a waiting list of 25,000 people looking for partners, and the numbers are just growing every year. “However, we want more women to come forward and ask for companions. It’s very difficult for women in our country, especially at that age, to even say that they want a man in our lives. However, more women are approaching us, which is a good sign.”

Some common expectations from senior citizens:

– A partner for marriage

– A partner for companionship; may or may not live-in with that person.

– A partner only for friendship; could be same-sex; requires the same for common shared interests.

– A partner for sex

(Picture courtesy daydreamingwordsmith.blogspot.com)

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Event

A wedding fair for senior citizens

A wedding fair for senior citizens looking for partners and live-in companions will be held at Matunga on April 7.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

All over the world, senior citizens are expected to settle down into quiet oblivion once they retire from work and cross the magic age of 60, silently watching as their families continue with their lives. In our country, however, the problem of ‘old age’ is compounded for those who lose a spouse to death or divorce – and the worst part is, we don’t want to hear our senior citizens say, “I’m lonely. I want to get married again.”

“With the trend of nuclear families increasing in our country, senior citizens are often left to fend for themselves. The country’s senior citizen population is increasing. Today, 10 per cent of all Indians are senior citizens – 10 crore Indians are over 60 years of age, and 12,00,000 of them are in Mumbai alone,” said Sailesh Mishra, founder of the NGO Silver Innings, which works for senior citizens in the country. He was speaking at a press conference held to announce a ‘Senior Citizens Jeevan Saathi Sammelan’, that will take place at Dadar Matunga Cultural Centre on April 7.

“When a senior citizen loses his or her spouse, he/she becomes really lonely, but they are not allowed to express it because society does not expect ‘old’ people to want a companion at that age,” Sailesh explained. “Research shows that while the longevity of senior citizens in our country is going up each year, women have been found to outlive men. But again, it is very difficult for a woman of that age to say that she needs a companion, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with somebody. We feel that senior citizens should also get the chance to find a suitable mate,” he said. To incentivise women’s participation in the Sammelan, all women who attend the meeting will be given basic train fare, lunch and a saree.

The Sammelan is the brainchild of Natubhai Patel (62), the founder-chairman of Vina Mulya Amulya Seva (VMAS) in Ahmedabad, which has to its credit 75 senior citizen marriages and the setting up of 25 live-ins all over India. “We decided to do  such a big meeting in Mumbai because our research says that 39 per cent of senior citizens living alone in this city are senior citizens. With rising crime against seniors, and the fact that their twilight years can be better spent with somebody of their choice, the Sammelan aims to have willing senior citizens meet each other and make an informed choice about the partner they choose.”

 

Sailesh added that women’s participation in such meetings has been found to be very low. “We want more women to participate. Through our counselling sessions, we find that most men are looking for companionship, while women look for financial security. At that age, marriage is not required for sex, but more for love and security.” On being asked if the organisers would ensure that no fraudulent members participated in the meeting, Sailesh said that all participants would be advised to carry out background checks before going ahead with the person they chose. “We will only facilitate the meeting, apart from helping with legal advice and marriage counselling when required,” Sailesh said.

The Sammelan is not open to people below 50 years of age, or those whose partners are still alive. If divorced, the participant must produce documentary proof of the divorce, or if the spouse is deceased, the death certificate must be shown. An ID proof of age is mandatory. The Sammelan is open to widows, widowers, single people and divorcees, all over 50 years of age. The event is being organised by Rotary Club of Mumbai (Nariman Point), in association with Silver Innings and VMAS. Contact 099871 04233/ 09029000091 for details and registration.

Tomorrow: Who participates in these events? What are senior citizens in India expecting from their partners?

Categories
Diaries

Personality of the year

Sailesh Mishra, senior citizen activist, went to the UN, participated in Satyameva Jayate, and helped lost elders find their homes.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Part 4 of the Yearender Diaries

A disclaimer: at The Metrognome, we don’t subscribe to the idea that year-ending lists must comprise only the famous and the newsy. The man we chose as Personality of the Year was a walk-in for the title, anyway. Incidentally, Sailesh Mishra, elder care activist based in Mira Road, Mumbai, is both famous in his circle, and this year has certainly been a newsy one for him.

We featured Sailesh in October this year, days after he was back from a fruitful stint at the United Nations’ Open Ended Working Group (OEWG) on Ageing Convention. The interview with him took place at a suburban cafe, and Sailesh bubbled over with enthusiasm about the Convention, and the chance he’d been given to speak on the floor of the House – a lucky chance indeed, because Sailesh got the opportunity to refute the Indian ambassador’s remarks. “The Ambassador had said, ‘Why do the elderly need rights? Their development is the responsibility of the society and their families. What can the government do?’ When I got the chance to speak, I gently refuted what the gentleman had said, and I stressed the need for the government to be more proactive in implementing several schemes for the elderly in India,” Sailesh grinned.

We’ve met several activists over the years, and have been repeatedly disappointed when so many of them have lost their way after being involved with some truly marvellous initiatives. However, Sailesh continues to hold steady in his work, mostly because he does not ever speak of himself or his NGO. “It is the cause of elder care in the country, and how the present policies are unfriendly for our elders, that is important. I don’t ever talk about my NGO, even when invited to address conferences, because I don’t want to focus the spotlight on myself or on Silver Innings,” he says.

Sailesh’s philosophy is to look at senior citizens in a positive, happy vein. “Why do we treat our elders like they are useless, or like they need to be protected? We make no effort to integrate older people in our daily activities, we keep them away from most things. I am against this isolation that is imposed on our elders,” he says. His NGO, hence, organises events where senior citizens can register to dance, sing or participate in other social activities, while also mingling with others like themselves.

Last year, a woman from the creative team that put together Aamir Khan’s TV show Satyameva Jayate, contacted Sailesh for inputs on an episode dedicated to senior citizens. “After I heard the brief and what they were looking to discuss, I flatly said to the lady that she could tell Mr Khan on my behalf, that I was not interested in doing a show that would become a sob story about senior citizens. If they wanted to discuss the positive aspects of ageing and tell some inspiring stories, I could help them,” Sailesh says, adding that not only did the team tweak its narrative to include his idea, they also took his inputs on the rest of the episode as well.

He is also a part of the think tank that is pushing the Government of Maharashtra for a legislation that will give elders in the State a set of rights. “What you must understand is that whatever we push for at the present moment, is not about to benefit the current crop of senior citizens. Unfortunately, their time is gone. When I reach out to youngsters, I emphasise that all our present efforts towards securing elders’ rights will actually help when we become senior citizens ourselves.”

With life expectancies rising in India every year, naturally, the numbers of its senior citizens are also dramatically rising. “We must push for employment opportunities for able senior citizens, architecture and infrastructure that is easy to use for them, better communication with the police and support groups, and of course, activities that help keep them occupied and in touch with their peers,” Sailesh says. When he’s not touring the country delivering lectures and helping like-minded individuals and NGOs set up elder care facilities, his NGO runs an elder care counselling centre, organises activities, and most recently, helps in the search for senior citizens who have inadvertently wandered out of their homes.

‘Diaries’ is a series of stories on one theme. The Yearender Diaries seek to capture the most telling moments, happenings and people in the city this year. Watch out for Politician of the Year tomorrow.

Categories
Big story

A piece of Mumbai at the UN

Sailesh Mishra talks about representing India at the UN, and refusing to do Satyameva Jayate’s senior citizens episode in its original format.
by Vrushali Lad | vrushali@themetrognome.in

A slight and unassuming man, Sailesh Mishra (45) comes across as soft-spoken and pliable. But then he begins to describe how he got associated with the senior citizens episode on Aamir Khan’s TV show Satyameva Jayate. “I got a call from Aamir Khan Productions in September 2011. A woman called saying that she wanted to meet me for an episode they were shooting on senior citizens for the show. Since we get many such requests (at his Mira Road-based NGO Silver Innings), I asked them to send me a letter and then we’d see.

The letter was brought the very next day, while the director of the show explained the concept of the episode in detail. But I soon realised that they were planning an episode to show elderly people as sad, abused, dependent human beings. I immediately told the lady, ‘Please tell Mr Khan that if this is what you want to portray on the show, I don’t want to be a part of it.”

Sailesh has always been a champion of the “happier side of old age”, which was why he started his NGO, Silver Innings, in 2008, as a means to help create a “sustainable gerontology”. He explains, “We often berate those who we feel are not taking care of the elders in the family. But you must understand, most children are not bad, they don’t wilfully neglect their parents. It is just that there are not enough options created by the government and society when it comes to elder care. Unlike in the West, we don’t have such services as assisted help for the elderly, or a service to provide groceries, or cooked food, or do other chores. We don’t even have enough NGOs that work for the causes of the elderly.”

Sailesh’s NGO was registered with the United Nations’ Open Ended Working Group (OEWG) on Ageing convention held annually in New York, last year, owing to the efforts of Susan Somers of the International Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse (INPEA). “I got the opportunity of participating in the 3rd such OEWG held this year. On the opening day, the Indian ambassador gave a rosy picture of the current scenario of health care for the elderly in India. He even had the nerve to say, ‘Why do the elderly need rights? Their development is the responsibility of the society and their families. What can the government do?’”

To Sailesh’s huge amazement, he got the chance to make a statement on the floor of the House. “Only six people got a chance to speak that day, and I was the first,” he beams. “I gently but firmly refuted what the Indian ambassador had said, and I stressed the need for the government to be more proactive in implementing several schemes for the elderly in India. I didn’t see him for three days after that!” (Read Sailesh’s statement made on the floor of the House here.)

Of the member states, Costa Rica and Argentina were the most passionate about promoting the cause of gerontology, he says. “These two would even hold a briefing for NGOs every morning. But the EU and the US were extremely against the state having a stake in elders’ care, because they do not want to spend on it.”

An interesting dimension to this issue, he says, is that the Western countries, while reducing budgets assigned to social welfare, are aggressively studying the family concepts prevalent in south Asian countries, where parents and their children live together all their lives. “But by contrast, we in India are going towards the Western concept of nuclear families and even smaller units. Where does that leave our elders?”

But what he took away from his UN outing was the “inspiration” he felt after meeting people who had been working for the cause of elder care for decades. “Meeting such dedicated people tells you that you are on the right track, and that you still have so much to learn,” Sailesh says.

His own brush with the elderly

In 2004, Sailesh was working with the Dignity Foundation, a time that he says was when he “accidentally came into this field.” He says, “Through the Foundation, I was sent to Neral to help in the building of the elders’ township. I found that getting the architecture changed to be senior citizen-friendly was an uphill task. The architect just couldn’t understand why I wanted land gradients to be gentle, why appliances and cabinets needed to be at eye level, why the fittings and fixtures had to easy to use,” he remembers.

He stayed on as a resident at the township, monitoring its daily working and putting in work at the 24-hour dementia centre there. “I had varied experiences while dealing with sufferers of dementia. Many times, we didn’t know how to deal with them. That set me thinking. Nobody discussed this issue, and there was nothing written about it.” He started writing articles about his experiences, posting them on the Internet. “I think I would have found this cause at some point in my life,” he muses. “I come from a family of 100 people, and we all stayed at a waada at Palghar. But when I was very young, my mother told me, ‘Don’t join in the family business. Do something different with your life. Everybody works for themselves, you should work for others.’”

He finally started Silver Innings and found the inner peace he had been looking for. “I give talks at several places, hold a lot of workshops, travel all over the country. But I never talk about the NGO. That was not why I started it. The focus has to be on the issue, and it is my job to plant the idea in as many people’s minds as I can.”

Engaging the young to help the old

Sailesh is a passionate user of social networking to further his cause, the rationale of which has been questioned by many. “People ask, ‘How many senior citizens use social networking? How will you reach them on the Internet?’ But I am actually targeting the youth and the middle-aged persons in industry. If I can convert them, they will go home and talk to their parents, or devise ways to reach out to the elderly,” he says.

A major problem facing India’s elderly is that their numbers are only set to rise in the coming years. “How are we, as a country, going to accommodate these huge numbers of people? It is time, and it has to be done right away, that the government actively think up ways to utilise this mass of people’s life experience, their working knowledge and their skills. What is the sense in forcing a person to retire at 60 years of age, if he or she is able to work? Also, there is an urgent need for industry to provide services to this huge untapped population. You can have small businesses that deliver cooked meals to elders living alone, or get elders in an area registered with a trusted firm that supplies domestic helps, repair mechanics and others. There is also a need to modify our architecture and infrastructure to become more elder-friendly. Most importantly, we need more old age homes (there are just six in Mumbai) and all of them should be inside the city, not banished to the outskirts.”

Sailesh Mishra can be contacted on silverinnings@gmail.com/sailesh@silverinnings.com. His NGO also runs an ageing centre, organises memory camps and runs an elder helpline, among other things.

 

 

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