Tag: pooja birwatkar

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Bombay, bas

A bit of patience, with a side of tolerance, please…

At what point did we lose our manners, our patience, all our courtesies? And when will we get them back?
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The other day, after a long day at work, when I finally managed to prop my feet up and settle down for a cup of tea, my five-year-old son came running to tell me something. Looking at me, he paused and then began by saying, “Mom, I have to tell you something but when I am telling it to you, you let me complete it and listen to the entire thing and then react”.

I was taken aback. It led me to wonder: why did he say this to me? And then I realised that I had started cutting down his sentences even before he completes them and proceed to have my say. My lack of patience in hearing him out had been duly noted and this was his solution to tackle it. It led me to wonder about how seldom we reflect on two most important virtues in our life – patience and tolerance. Both seem to be doing a vanishing act lately.

Patience is the ability to tolerate any kind of delay, waiting or situations that frustrate us because things are not moving ahead, or not moving as anticipated. This tolerance has to be accompanied by non-agitated feelings or chances of not being upset. Of course, most of us have to learn to be patient as it does not come naturally to us.

So what has caused us to become intolerant and impatient? Much could be attributed to the technical age we are living in, where instant gratification is the motto. We live in a world where things look and appear easy to obtain, and hence we don’t realise their value. Since most of us treat our own lives as some sort of race that one has to run in and win to succeed, we are going to look at ‘patience’ and ‘tolerance’ as hindrances in our path.

The local train will teach you a thing or two about patience. If you accidentally step on someone’s foot or abruptly invade their space, you either get a scornful glance or a volley of abuse (or both). There is no common sense or logical thought at play here – why do we automatically assume that the push or stepping-on-toes act was a personal attack? It is the easiest thing in the world to be pushed or shoved around in a Mumbai local train. Nobody plans to hurt anybody else, so will we all just chill? Instead, try smiling at the person who accidentally hurt you and say, “It’s okay.”

It’s actually that simple.

I also see people frantically pushing buttons of their cell phones and I marvel at the amount of exercise they give their fingers. A few years ago, when mobile phones were still not the ‘in’ thing, people were not so anxious to communicate with others all the time. Now, of course, things are much different.

We also show impatience when we wait for the lift. Every person will press the button to call the lift, and if the lift takes time to appear, we show our frustration by pressing the Pressing lift buttonsbutton fiercely and repeatedly. Once we step in, we see that another person has already pressed the button for the floor you will be alighting at. But will we wait? No, we will go ahead and press that same button again.

The same impatience manifests itself at the traffic signal. The signal may still be red, but we keep honking our horns at the cars ahead of us. Do we expect these cars to sprout wings and fly away, leaving the road clear for us?

It’s about time we Mumbaikars learnt to just relax and be patient.

The positive side of developing patience is that it makes your life easy – your anger loses its edge and your emotions are more balanced. You learn to deal with your problems in a more constructive  way. Plus, you learn to be happier about yourself and others. A little patience goes a long way in sharpening our decision-making abilities as one not only deliberates on an issue but also avoids hasty mistakes. The empathy and compassionate virtues that grow with our patience affect our interpersonal relations to the maximum.

The commonly used word in our city to describe something good is ‘cool’. But are we actually ‘cool’ about things? We should be cool about the things that are tiny in magnitude, which unnecessarily stress us out. But instead, we choose to blow them out of proportion and say nothing about much bigger issues. There should be zero tolerance for injustice against women, children and senior citizens, against corruption and poverty, the way we have exploited natural resources and degraded our environment – but we show tremendous tolerance towards all these. So are we intolerant and impatient about everything, or selectively tolerant and patient? Think about it.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

 (Pictures courtesy www.carwale.com, www.wikihow.com)

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Bombay, bas

How summer has changed!

The vacations of our childhood were very different from those of our children today. All that remains is fond nostalgia.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

‘Summer holidays’. The term itself makes most of us nostalgic. There is a lazy tone that attaches itself to the term even as we speak of it. You tend to go back in time and see old memories flash in front of your eyes.

The summers of my childhood were pretty special. Summers were like a king in shining armour, saving us from the monster named ‘school’. ‘Do nothing’ was the mantra we followed in the holidays. Lazy afternoons were spent playing ghar ghar or board games. Summers also meant the advent of the divine frut – mango. Sure, there were water melons, jamun and sugarcane, but none could ever threaten the supremacy the king of fruits enjoyed.

There was a peculiar method to eating mangoes at our household, as I’m sure there was in yours. One, mangoes would be served Eating mangoes in summeronly after lunch. Two, we had to wear minimal clothing before we ate them. Three, we had to eat them sitting on the floor 🙂 

The once-a-year affair with Rooh Afza would begin. Who can forget the rose-flavoured cold milk shakes that replaced the routine hot glass of milk, or the ice candies we used to make of it?  The house would burst with relatives and friends or we would go to nani’s or dadi’s house, while a privileged few would go to hill stations for the holidays. There were no evening curfews to interrupt our playing sessions. We learnt most things like cycling, swimming, craft, needle work and other creative things in the most playful manner as the days wore on.

Those of us who have lived outside Mumbai would surely remember the times they’ve splashed water on the hot verandas to cool them down. The slight dip in temperature as the water evaporated from the hot ground was a feeling that words simply cannot describe. Filling water in air coolers and earthen pots were duties we were given, and we did them with the utmost sincerity.

From amongst the aromas of summer, my favourite one is that of the achaars that were made. Stealing the kachcha aam  meant for achaar and eating with salt was a joy that justified the guilt of stealing. Another memory of summers is that of the electricity going away for most part of the day, and people fanning themselves with handmade fans. And oh the joy, when the lights would come back on and the fan would dry the sweat from our bodies!

children play in water in the summerAnd of course, the last day of summer vacations would suddenly remind us of untouched homework, which we would try to complete (unsuccessfully) in one day.

But the summers I see now are way different from those of my childhood. Summers in Mumbai start with the sighting of alphonso mangoes at traffic signals. We still begin our summers with this fruit, but now the cost of the fruit has resulted in us rationing it. And children here don’t have the luxury of watering the lawn or playing with water pipes. Working parents make a beeline for summer activity camps to keep their children ‘occupied’, at a price. Children don’t drink Rooh Afza, but packaged juices and colas. Children are mostly indoors, in front of the television or playing games on their computers or cell phones. If relatives do come to stay, it is for a brief period, and most working parents can’t make the time to visit grandma’s.

I wish summers had retained their old charm and my children could experience what I have seen and enjoyed as a child. But with the passage of time, there has been a paradigm shift. We have to accept the changes that come and accommodate them. But still, some part of me still yearns for simpler times. 

I echo what Geroge RR Martin (of A Game of Thrones) says, “Summer will end soon enough, and childhood as well.” 

‘Bombay, bas’ is a weekly column on getting around Mumbai and exploring the city with a fresh perspective. 

(Pictures courtesy www.improvisedlife.com, www.annabellebreakey.com, plus.google.com)

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Guest writer

Come on, it’s free

What is it that lures us towards stuff labelled ‘FREE’? When will we ever learn the price of these freebies?
by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

One lazy day, my cell phone rang with a call from an unknown number. Two minutes into the call and I realised I was ‘Lucky’. The caller said my mobile number had been selected from amongst thousands and that I was entitled for a free gift. I guess all of us have got such random calls. Lured by the trap, you go to the place they call you to claim your free gift, and what awaits you is a grand welcome, nice refreshments and lot of attention.

Then the real purpose of your presence there is revealed. They begin by offering you something you never wanted. An insurance policy, a holiday package, some medical benefit…and while they talk, you’re either trying to make sense of it all, or you’re trying to stay awake, wondering when you can get your gift and go home.

freebiesSoon, you either find yourself falling in their trap and buying something you don’t want, or thinking up ways to just take your gift and scoot without having to pay anything.

I wonder: what prompts us to fall for this racket in the first place? The answer is: greed. We all want to own something we haven’t paid for or rightfully earned. Our automatic indulgence for anything FREE shuts down our mechanism for rationalisation.

So there we are, almost leaping and bouncing off the walls, grabbing anything that has a ‘free’ tag attached to it. But wait a moment and think. Why would anyone give us anything for free unless they are out of their minds, or unless they purposively want to ruin their business?

The ‘free’ tag haunts you at all places. Few days ago, as I was getting petrol filled, the man at the petrol pump gave me a magazine while returning my change. I shook my head. He said, “Le lo, ekdum free hai.” I promptly grabbed it and marvelled at the cover page and its thickness. Later, when I read it I realised it was full of advertisements and there were only two articles – and even those were not worth giving a second glance.

Malls entice us with free stuff the most. Visit any super store and it looks as if they love the customer. After all, who offers anything for free? But look carefully. Mostly the junk food items laden with trans fats and health damaging ingredients are given for free. These are in the form of biscuits, chocolates, savouries, aerated drinks etc. Also check the expiry date. Items given under ‘One on one free’ are usually on the brink of expiry.

So intense is the lure of the word FREE that my five-year-old son, who has just started to read and understands the meaning of the word, also has a take on it. He thinks whatever has ‘free’ written on it is actually for free and puts it in the shopping trolley. When I question him, he smartly tell me it’s free and he can take it as I won’t have to pay for it.

I recall an incident in the gaming zone of a mall where one machine said, ‘Swipe once and free gifts follow’. Mesmerised by the sight of the chocolates and other freebies, we swiped the card. Only one chocolate came out of the slot. We lamented our lack of experience and followed up our first attempt with many others. With each successive attempt, each fringed with frustration, greed and hope that this time we would hit the jackpot, we finally exhausted the card and were left with a handful of chocolates worth not more than Rs 5 – and we had spent around Rs 200 in our attempts. For Rs 200, we could have got a stock of chocolates for the entire month. But because of the promise of ‘free’ gifts, we had to do it. I learnt the price one has to pay to expect free stuff, that day.

Apart from goodies and things that money can buy, there are a lot of other things that come for free. Free advice is one such thing. And so high is our fascination for the word ‘free’ one plus one freethat we have even named the roads where we don’t pay toll as freeways. Nothing enchants us as much as taking the advantage of free services. Even if our cars are shining to the skies, we still wait in queue to get two minutes of car cleaning done for free at petrol pumps.

I remember when it was the last day for the Bandra Worli Sea Link to be toll free. Thousands went to use the free status and there were huge traffic jams for hours. Nobody realised how much more money they spent on wasted petrol – much more than the toll money. But our minds ignore the practical aspects of things when faced with making a choice over something that is free.

They say there are no free lunches in the world, and you pay the price for something free sooner or later. And yet, there are so many things that are still free but which we don’t know how to appreciate. The swaying of the trees on a dull afternoon, the slight breeze as you walk, the sound of leaves rustling in the breeze, the rainbow brightening the sky, the chirps of birds, the beauty of butterflies, the shade of trees, the fragrance of flowers, the warmth of the soil, the calming effect of the waves…all of these are free. There are no price tags attached, no hue and cry that nature makes and hence we lose the importance of what is actually free and not enjoy it. Wake up and look around. Acknowledge these real free gifts before they cease to be free any more.

(Pictures courtesy  www.thesocialmediabloke.com, shopping.indiatimes.com, www.whiteindianhousewife.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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Diaries

Is gender equality a reality in Mumbai?

A Mumbaikar questions the term ‘gender equality’ in the context of Mumbai and comes away reassured, and also quite hopeful.
by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Part 5 of the ‘Women’ diaries

A few days ago, tired after a hectic day at work, I had no option but to stand in the BEST bus. All the seats were occupied. I looked around, hoping that chivalry would prevail and some man would offer me his seat. But none of them did. It made me very cross with them. How could they sit comfortably when a lady was standing next to them? How rude!

As I mused over the issue later, I realised what a hypocrite I was. We talk so much of gender equality and female liberation, and so it should be completely okay that I was not offered a seat in a bus. If we talk of equality, then we must practice it as well. After all, like us women, even the men are tired. This brings me to analyse our own mega metro Mumbai. Is it equally easy being a woman here, like the men?

In Mumbai, with so many women heading out to work, it is clear that women are bread earners, too. They too contribute a handsome chunk to the family income. It is not unusual to find them in domains that are still considered male domains elsewhere. Women here are now traffic cops, ticket checkers, cabbyies, security officers, DJs, to name a few. Their office hours are as late as men’s. Of course, most working women also have the mandatory double shift, despite their jobs – one at work and one at home. There is still a long way to go when it comes to battling stereotypical women’s roles like cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children, that the female is naturally expected to execute. Men, wake up. We no longer expect you to offer us seats on public transport – should you expect us to handle all the house work alone?

You can walk on Mumbai’s roads care-free, as chances of you being ogled, stared and stalked are less in comparison to other places. Of course, there are sporadic cases of rape and molestation, and something better be done about it lest they become everyday occurrences. Yet, such incidents make us angry and not scared. Such episodes fill us with a sense of revolt and the courage to fight rather than bear it.

Single women, single mothers or divorcees, there is a place for everyone in Mumbai. No one labels you. They don’t have too much time to think about your life. You can stay alone in an apartment and have a life of your own, as the neighbourhood seldom keeps a tab on what you do with your life. You can eat alone in a restaurant and it can be the same restaurant on a daily basis. But I still feel there is a hesitance regarding this, as most women would, if alone, either occupy themselves with a book or be hooked to their cell phone. Wake up, ladies. You don’t need to pretend. It’s your world too and you have every right to be there.

And though I do not advocate it, you can smoke and drink without too many curious glances. There are friendly places where girl gangs can have their night outs. The city is quite open to homosexual relations and contrary opinions are normally not aired openly. Hearteningly, there are always a lot of people in your corner to support you.

I would not say that Mumbai completely believes in gender equality, but it fares much better comparatively. There is something about this city which makes you brave and hold your head high. You feel liberated and love life without questioning your gender identity. There is hope and place for all here and you are not made to feel different.

I just wish that on this Women’s Day all women resolve that we would not beg for equality but create equality in society. Let us start on the premise that we are and were always EQUAL. Do not thrust equality on us. We no longer need it. If at all any talk on equality has to happen, it should be from the angle of equalising men with women. 

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Picture courtesy www.asianews.it)

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