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Guest writer

Are youngsters a generation tainted by ego?

A reader pens down her thoughts about a generation that marks happiness by its bank balance, not its personal ties.
Photoby Vidya Rekha

Looking through the window, a thought popped into my mind one day…Why does the younger generation not take responsibility? Responsibility at the job, in their personal lives, with their parents? We are always taught to be responsible, to always emanate the spiritual thoughts within us. But I increasingly see that the younger generation doesn’t want to be inside the boundary of responsibility – within the bounds of marriage, within the bounds of authority.

Youngsters today want to be autonomous in their thoughts and actions. Ostensibly they want to be with someone who can share the same conception as theirs and enjoy the colours of life without binding to any obligation. While this sounds attraction on the surface, it comes with its own pitfalls. Not everyone is able to comprehend this style of living and thinking. Soon, marriages lead to divorce. Personal relationships break down. It is disturbing to see so many newlyweds separate before they celebrate their first wedding anniversary.

At the root of most of these troubles is money. Most women today are financially empowered, they are accomplished in their careers. So they think, ‘I have no need to obey a man’. Likewise, men think that when they earn and take care of their families, their responsibilities do not include listening to or taking advice from a woman. They simply presume that girls should be meek to them, regardless of their employment.

Many girls today easily agree to get married to a man working overseas, under the false impression that they will get a queenly lifestyle abroad. Once they actually reach there, they realise that living in comfort abroad requires hours of work. Most women fail to remember their own parents’ initial struggles to raise a family and run the house. It is also disturbing to see how many people are unhappy about attending to the brood waiting for them back home, and more so, about taking care of their parents.

Simultaneously, the bone of contention between many couples is: Why should I take care of your parents? Meanwhile, more and more couples are increasingly opting to live in with their partners, since this arrangement does not come with the complications of marriage.

But this kind of autonomy, both in marriages and live-in relationships, can come with a price. There is no substitute for the guidance and wisdom of elders in our lives.

Life is all about giving and gaining. The full form of the word ‘Ego’ currently is ‘Edging God Out.’ This means we have no time or inclination for introspection, that we are completely devoted to our own interests. We will soon become people who are selfish, concerned only for our own welfare, whose God is money and material comfort.

Instead of money guiding our choices, it should be our higher self doing so. If the choice we make brings us a sense of peace, then that is our higher self at work.

Vidya Rekha is a graduate from Mysore University, and works as HR professional for the JGI group. She loves reading books and listening to music. The views expressed here are her own.

(Picture courtesy www.moneycrashers.com. Image is used for representational purpose only)

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Why ‘Straight Outta Compton’ fails women

This successful film does not address hip hop musician Dr Dre’s dark past and his history of violence towards women.
by Beverley Lewis

Straight Outta Compton fails women at a time when 1 in 3 women across the globe face violence in their lifetime.

You don’t have to be a hip-hop aficionado to have watched or at least heard about Straight outta Compton, the film taking the world by storm. This box office winner tells the story about the struggle, rise and disbanding of the Los Angeles-based rap group N.W.A and its significance on popular culture, while paying homage to the spoils of ghetto life, coercion of women into prostitution, and gang rape.

But, one thing this film failed to do was tell the story of Dr. Dre’s history of violence against women. In almost all his tracks, he refers to women as “bitches”. Incidentally, Dre and Ice Cube are producers of the film. This omission sparked some outrage as to why Dre deliberately chose to leave out this big a chunk of his history.

Even since he made it big as a solo artist, Dre has been associated with the glamour and bling surrounding hip-hop, especially when statistics show that violent crimes against women are on the rise. After all, he did discover Eminem and went on to create Beats Electronics, which he then sold to Apple for a cool $3 billion. But, despite becoming a well-known producer and entrepreneur, he has been haunted by his shady past, particularly the brutal beating of rapper and TV host Dee Barnes at a record release party in 1991. “It ain’t no big thing – I just threw her through a door,” Dre said at the time of the incident. Yes, and he still continued to get rave reviews for his work and we went out and bought his records.

He was also violent towards his girlfriend, rapper Michel’le, who alleged that she needed plastic surgery after she was badly beaten by him.

Every year in India and around the world, thousands of women are raped, stabbed, shot, stalked, murdered and are victims of domestic violence, in crimes that are sometimes never even reported. And yet, we chose to ignore the violence and misogynist views associated with this particular genre of music and instead choose to only focus on the glitz and glamour surrounding hip-hop.

 

Music is a crucial factor of any culture and personally I could never live without it. We are constantly surrounded by music in our homes, cars and on our headphones. But can music really influence our behaviour and actions? Or does it simply provide background beats as we go about our daily lives? What about music with violent lyrics? Hip-hop is one genre, which often portrays women as lesser, submissive beings and if research conducted by the Journal of Applied Social Psychology is to be believed, male listeners are more likely to partake in violence against women after listening to degrading lyrics in rap music.

After the wide success of the movie, it reached the 100 million mark, Dre decided it time he issued an apology to the women he abused, via the New York Times. “I apologise to the women I’ve hurt. I deeply regret what I did and know that it has forever impacted all of our lives.”

If, like me, you’re wondering whether the success of the film prompted the apology or if he feels genuine remorse, well the jury is still out on that one.

(Picture courtesy www.forbes.com)

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Forced to donate by Jagannath Puri temple priests

A reader writes a letter about temple priests demanding large donations to perform the simplest of poojas and offer their blessings.

We have been introduced to our respective religions and Gods since childhood. As Hindus, we visit temples or Gurudwaras, join our hands in respect and gratitude, say our prayers and drop some money in the donation box before we leave.

Hindus have four prime pilgrimage destinations where we place our strongest faith and which we believe we should visit before we breathe our last. These comprise Badrinath in the North of India, Dwarka in the West, Puri in the East and Rameswaram in the South.

Puri travels…

I visited one of these places recently with my husband and mother-in-law. Located in Puri, near Bhubaneswar, Orissa, the Jagannath Puri temple has idols of Lord Jagannath, Goddess Subhadra and Lord Balabhadra. On an average, the temple sees hundreds of pilgrims every day. During my first and recent trip to Puri, I visited the temple twice.

The first day a panda (the local priest) greeted us at the entrance gate itself. He promised to guide us around the temple and help us with the puja and darshan. For this, he charged us Rs 51. First, we made our way to the counter in the temple complex where donations were accepted and entered in the account books. But we were surprised to see a rate card here! The price for the prasad ranged from Rs 251 to around Rs 30,000!

Despite being a strong believer in the Almighty, I did not support this idea – but since it was our first visit to one of the Char Dham temples, we went ahead with it. With a small cane basket as a prasad for around Rs 451, we proceeded towards the main temple building.

The grandeur of the temple was evident by the huge gates and the stone carvings that covered the walls. But sadly, these walls were not as you would imagine. Some of them were covered in greenish black fungus, so much so that the carvings could not be seen clearly.

…and then the travails

Being a pilgrimage destination of a high order, the temple is always crowded. Unfortunately, we did not find any queue or queue managers to mind the unruly crowd. As a result, people had to push their way ahead. Devotees were allowed to pray only from a certain distance from the main idols. A darshan in closer proximity required a VIP ticket. This time, we went in for the unpaid darshan.

Our panda guided us to an area where few other pandas were performing rituals to bless the devotees. We did this pooja – post which we were asked to donate around Rs 250. My husband gave me a puzzled look and gave Rs 101. The panda reluctantly settled for the amount. We then moved ahead – or were pushed ahead – by the crowd. Punched by some and hit in the stomach by the nudging elbow of a woman who was filled with so much devotion that she did not mind hurting fellow devotees, we reached the barrier where the prayers were offered. The pandas stood here in a line, we handed over our prasad basket to them and they blessed us. But this ‘blessing’ required another donation of Rs 101. It turns out that this is the fixed rate for donation here!

I also saw a man who stretched out his hand from the crowd, holding a wedding card for blessings. He was told to donate Rs 500 if he wanted the card to be accepted. I saw him pulling out a note of Rs 100 and stretching out his hand again only to be turned down because ‘it takes a fee to make your card reach the main idols’. I didn’t see what happened after this as we walked out of the temple building.

There were numerous smaller temples and shrines within the same complex. We went to one such temple, where another panda handed a small box of sindoor and two red bangles to me, as an offering to Goddess Lakshmi. I hesitated, as I hadn’t asked for it and didn’t know what to do. He said “Sirf bees rupaye (Only Rs 20)”. I took it. He gestured further into the temple, where another panda waited with a different pooja. He took these from us, prayed in our name and added a golden key. He touched the key to the idol’s feet and gave it to us. “500 rupaye,” he said.

We were at a loss of words . He said “Ye Lakshmi ke khazane ki chabi hai, isse aapke ghar mein Lakshmi aayegi.” We said it was too much. This angered the panda, he threatened us of the ill consequences – making us wonder if we were in a house of God. He took the key back from us at once, telling us we were disrespecting Goddess Lakshmi. Finally, he haggled for the price of the key and reduced it to Rs 100, explaining that it was for the pooja he did. Getting angrier and angrier at this systematic looting of devotees, I confess to feeling helpless in the hands of the practice that was going on for years inside the temple premises. It even shook my belief in God for a while – how could He let this happen if he really was still present there? I felt disheartened about visiting any more temples.

We then toured the complex for some time, and visited its museum, which had a lot of beautiful statues and setups that told different tales from the life of Lord Jagannath, Balabhadra and Goddess Subhadra.

Right outside the museum there was a small temple. Since it was almost closing time, the panda was about to shut its gates. We joined our hands standing outside the gates and prayed, but he opened the gates on seeing us and another couple. Completely unnerved by our earlier experience, we walked in but announced that we didn’t have any money. He just smiled and said, “Jitni aapki ichcha ho (Donate as much as you wish).”

We were happy to hear that we could actually donate as per our will, so we prayed and gave Rs 11, which he happily accepted. We felt humbled and bowed down to touch his feet. Maybe this was a way that God answered my questions, that I should not generalise my opinion from one to all.

Sent by Neha Madan, Delhi

(Picture courtesy www.go2india.in. Image is a file pic) 

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My body is weighed down…

A Mumbaikar writes about her struggles to lose weight and not finding enough time and motivation to keep at it.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Amidst all the stresses of our lives, inconsequential and significant, one stress grips most people in the world, especially if one is a female. I don’t mean to sound stereotypical in my supposition, but I have observed that women all over the world fuss, fret, frown and lose sleep over the idea of weight loss.

Any woman, from an anorexic model to actors, entrepreneurs, housewives, working women, or any women you see on the street, worries about her weight. We all have the common nagging feeling that we are lost in the fight against the bulge. Nobody is content with their weight we all wish for magic wands to make those oodles of extra weight evaporate into thin air, even as we gobble everything in sight and don’t exercise.

Slowly entering middle age, and trying hard to hold on to my youth, I have tried practically every trick to keep myself fit and fine. Gone are the days when uncomplicated weighing machines would just point to your weight. Now, those same machines heartlessly tell you your weight but also announce that you are obese. Not believing one such machine recently, my worst fears were confirmed when a medical checkup concluded high cholesterol levels and pounds of extra flesh I was carrying.

There began a vicious cycle of thinking positive thoughts alternated with losing my mind over how to reduce my burden on the Earth.

And yet, I am reasonably active (Mumbai people can’t afford to be stationery). My daily dose of exercise is supplemented by going up and down several flights of stairs at the local train station. I run, hop, walk fast to reach office on time. So why do I still have extra weight? Is this much exercise not enough? Sadly, it isn’t. Most medical practitioners will tell you that your mind has to be stress free when exercising. So all of our daily jogs to work and back don’t actually help as they cause more stress and strain.

I am in awe of those super women with not an ounce of extra fat on their bodies guzzling junk food and it doesn’t show on their bodies at all. Meanwhile, I wear what I eat. I see lots of women who eat healthily, but blame it on Mumbai’s commute, which makes you hungry after a long day at work. As one steps out of the trains to run home, the aroma of wada pav being freshly prepared at a stall outside the station makes you salivate. The hungry stomach growls. At that time, Every Mumbaikar's guilty pleasuremy normally sane brain completely reverses sides and tempts me to go for it. “Eat one today, nothing happens, don’t eat it again. It’s okay once in a while. Diet from tomorrow.” I listen to my brain and polish off the fresh snack. And as I am eating the last bite, my brain retracts its own words fast enough to put a politician to shame, and now reprimands me for succumbing. “Don’t you have any self-control? So many extra calories, indulging in junk food!” I curse myself for eating, but a few days later, the same thing happens.

Now that we are not conscious enough.  Mass media and our social networks go out of their way to put the fear of the word ‘calorie’ in our minds, so much so that we count calories more than our bank balances. Our health feeds are full of scary accounts of diabetes, heart rate, obesity, what you should eat, how much exercise you need, what’s bad and what’s worse. There are various accounts of how eating healthy salads, brown rice, quinoa and wholesome soups is good for you, but who is going to make them? After a tiring day at work, all I want to do is ransack the fridge.

People with perfect figures claim that the days they eat a bit extra, they burn it out in the gym. Some say eat and lose it, others say don’t eat and lose it, others advocate choice eating…I ultimately eat and pile it on.

How can one make time for healthy eating and exercise in Mumbai? Tell us in the comments section below.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Pictures courtesy www.fertilityclinicmumbai.com, gluebomb.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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Are you raising a racehorse?

Umpteen tuition, skill and hobby classes, sky high expectations…are we raising a generation of decent, smart children or super intelligent robots?
Aarohi Mehtaby Aarohi Mehta

If someday I were to make a list of FAQs put to me, the undisputed winner would be, “So which after-school classes does your child go to?”

Now, I have nothing against nurturing a child’s talent and letting him or her pursue a hobby. In fact, in today’s times, when all one seems to be doing is getting up, rushing to catch an already-packed local train, slogging away and coming home drained of all senses, a hobby is a cozy nook where one retreats to find solace. So why not get the kids started when they are still young?

But then, the proverbial buck refuses to stop here. It is now a plethora of hobbies that a child is exposed to. So an average eight-year old is expected to excel at academics, play the keyboard, dance away to glory, swim on weekends, win accolades in school competitions, and somewhere between all these find the time to attend the phonics and abacus classes regularly. If for some reason the child lags behind and cannot cope with these Herculean standards, voilà! The “Mid-brain activation” seminars come to the rescue.

These seminars supposedly help in using both sides of the brain optimally. The results proclaimed by the activation centers are “super kids” Burden of expectationswith super intelligence. And pray, why does one need to have super kids? Is it so that they can solve a Rubik’s cube or read a newspaper blindfolded? I am still waiting for a day in my life when solving any puzzle blindfolded has helped me resolve a life-threatening situation, or even pull myself out of whatever soup I may be in, to say the least.

Gone are those days when children used to come home from school, throw their school bags on the floor and head out to play till late in the evenings. I lament the fact that today,  hardly any mother has to go searching for her child in the colony’s play area and bring back a sweaty, bruised but happy child at the end of the day. Hobbies become burdens when enforced. Mozart’s mother did not latch a satchel on to his little back and bundle him off to learn the piano from some coach. Shakespeare’s father never took him to any creative writing class. Even Vishwanathan Anand never  attended those hourly weekend chess classes!

Water always finds its level. All we need to give it is space to flow. Let nature work its magic. Our role as parents is to raise children, not breed racehorses.

Aarohi Mehta is a Professor of French at Alliance Française de Bombay, a full-time mom, bibliophile, holder of opinions and dabbler in words.

(Pictures courtesy www.thehindu.com, www.ibtimes.co.uk. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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Why has nobody thought of a good roti machine?

Women grapple with the task of roti making every single day of their lives. A Mumbaikar offers a futuristic solution.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

It’s a fact that Mumbai is always on the run. Between the binaries of fast and slow, fast is the chosen one that defines the life of almost every citizen of their dream world.

In the whole hustle-bustle and mad race, one looks for ideas and ways that help one cope better with the demands of everyday life. To make matters worse, if one is a working woman and has a family to cater to also, the tying up of loose ends and running an endless list of chores exhausts you to no end. This may sound sexist, but the general scenario that still pervades most households is that a working woman works two shifts, one at home and other at work, while males have the joy of concentrating only on the office front.

To bring about a change in this system is a farfetched dream. Though one does see a radical shift in responsibilities and sharing of duties between both genders now, but such cases are sporadic in number and occur in isolated patches.

To help tide away such mundane tasks, our Mumbai housewives then look for ideas and innovations that make their lives easier. One has, to a large extent, adopted automation that makes life easier, like washing machines, food processors and all variety of appliances that help to clean the house and other things, and lend some degree of relief. But what about the sad state of affairs when it comes to rotis?

Almost every Indian household eats rotis every day. The making of rotis is a tedious task. As a working woman and homemaker myself, I always wished for a genie to appear and Making rotisrelieve me from the endless task of making rotis day after day. Certainly, there are solutions to offer in the market, but I find that these only add to your woes. On looking at the available roti makers, one finds that still you have to do basic jobs like mixing, kneading, making balls of dough or manually putting each ball of dough on the making surface, etc. These roti makers’ only help is in the area of making round rotis.

The other day, as I was getting some photocopy work done and watching how copies emerged from the machine one after the other, I was stuck by an idea. What if there was a machine that handled the whole process of making rotis, right from kneading the dough to rolling out hot rotis? It would eliminate all the possible labour, including cleaning up afterwards.

Taking the idea further, there could be a panel of operations for making rotis. One can select the number of rotis, size, thickness, crispiness, oil/oil free. There would also be a provision for a timer to be set and a clock timer, plus automated cleaning and a way to keep it near the dining table so that fresh hot rotis can be had during meal times.

Just imagine it – after a long tiring day, to have fresh rotis with the press of a few buttons! What a wonderful dream! But I wonder – in this age of technology, why has nothing like this come up to reduce the efforts of Indian women? As insignificant as it may sound, it is one of the most important issues of our daily life.  So all you innovators and technologists, this is food for thought. Let us in a small way help provide some solutions to such time-consuming tasks that would help working women get liberated from a few of their daily life burdens. Not just Mumbai women, it would be revolutionise the lives of many more across the nation, including the men.

(Pictures courtesy www.nandyala.org, ribbonstopastas.blogspot.com)

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