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How fair are you being?

Come summer, and we are deluged with ads for skin whitening products. When will the ‘Fair is beautiful’ idea die?
by Ritika Bhandari Parekh

There are some speeches that touch a chord and bring a perspective on unsaid things. Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o gave one such inspirational speech that celebrates her pride in being a ‘coloured’ personality.

Before winning the 2014 Academy Award for the Best Supporting Actress in 12 Years a Slave this year, 31-year old Lupita Nyong’o immortalised her stature by reading a letter written to her by a dark-skinned girl. At the seventh annual Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon hosted by Essence magazine, Nyong’o not only won the Best Breakthrough Performance award but also a lot of hearts for revealing that her skin kept her away from feeling the word called ‘beautiful’.

In her acceptance speech, she read the letter highlighting the insecurities felt by a girl on being a black. The video went viral on social media sites with everyone applauding Nyong’o for raising the topic of commercialisation of fair skin.

 

So why raise this issue now?

fairness creamsWith the summer descending on us and sunscreen lotions being stocked in practically every home, I was reminded of how as Indians we too, love our fair and lovely beauties on and off-screen. Forget being racist to North-East Indians, the mere hint of a darker shade in skin brings about a different being in us. Talent aside, television advertisements say that a fair-skinned man can crack an interview and stump his bosses in minutes by just being the colour that he is.

Sit for 30 minutes in front of the idiot box and you’ll realise that our love for whitening spreads from the detergent to the deodorant. Fair underarms, fair face, fair hands, legs and much more – it isn’t fair to leave any body part with a hint of dark skin. Now take a look at yourself – how many beauty products do you use on a daily basis, or even occasionally? At least two products, if not more will be a whitening cosmetic product, right? From a daily ‘Light’ moisturising cream to an ‘Extra Whitening’ body lotion, the aura of fair skin engulfs us like nothing else.

A study says that products which claim to lighten, whiten and brighten our skin do nothing more than thinning out the epidermis layer. This thinning of skin is carcinogenic in Nandita Dasnature. But while we’re probably not looking at the medical side-effects of these products, at least a few of us are hitting back at the ‘Fair is beautiful’ line of thought. It is heartening to see that actress Nandita Das has started her ‘Stay Unfair, Stay Beautiful’ and ‘Dark is Beautiful’ campaign against fair skin commercials.

But more than the Youtube likes, it is our perception that needs to change. If we ditch the so-called whitening products, refuse to be seduced by fair skin and bring about a sense of respect and equality despite our skin colour, it will be the making of a happier society. So wear that shade of red lipstick that you always loved, because the ‘right’ colour is in the mind.

As Nyong’o says, “I hope my presence validates your sense of external existence and also get the deeper business of being beautiful inside, because there is no shade in that beauty”. So go ahead and look in the mirror and reaffirm – Life is beautiful and so are you.

(Pictures courtesy defence.pk, www.islandmix.com, economydecoded.com)

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Come on, it’s free

What is it that lures us towards stuff labelled ‘FREE’? When will we ever learn the price of these freebies?
by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

One lazy day, my cell phone rang with a call from an unknown number. Two minutes into the call and I realised I was ‘Lucky’. The caller said my mobile number had been selected from amongst thousands and that I was entitled for a free gift. I guess all of us have got such random calls. Lured by the trap, you go to the place they call you to claim your free gift, and what awaits you is a grand welcome, nice refreshments and lot of attention.

Then the real purpose of your presence there is revealed. They begin by offering you something you never wanted. An insurance policy, a holiday package, some medical benefit…and while they talk, you’re either trying to make sense of it all, or you’re trying to stay awake, wondering when you can get your gift and go home.

freebiesSoon, you either find yourself falling in their trap and buying something you don’t want, or thinking up ways to just take your gift and scoot without having to pay anything.

I wonder: what prompts us to fall for this racket in the first place? The answer is: greed. We all want to own something we haven’t paid for or rightfully earned. Our automatic indulgence for anything FREE shuts down our mechanism for rationalisation.

So there we are, almost leaping and bouncing off the walls, grabbing anything that has a ‘free’ tag attached to it. But wait a moment and think. Why would anyone give us anything for free unless they are out of their minds, or unless they purposively want to ruin their business?

The ‘free’ tag haunts you at all places. Few days ago, as I was getting petrol filled, the man at the petrol pump gave me a magazine while returning my change. I shook my head. He said, “Le lo, ekdum free hai.” I promptly grabbed it and marvelled at the cover page and its thickness. Later, when I read it I realised it was full of advertisements and there were only two articles – and even those were not worth giving a second glance.

Malls entice us with free stuff the most. Visit any super store and it looks as if they love the customer. After all, who offers anything for free? But look carefully. Mostly the junk food items laden with trans fats and health damaging ingredients are given for free. These are in the form of biscuits, chocolates, savouries, aerated drinks etc. Also check the expiry date. Items given under ‘One on one free’ are usually on the brink of expiry.

So intense is the lure of the word FREE that my five-year-old son, who has just started to read and understands the meaning of the word, also has a take on it. He thinks whatever has ‘free’ written on it is actually for free and puts it in the shopping trolley. When I question him, he smartly tell me it’s free and he can take it as I won’t have to pay for it.

I recall an incident in the gaming zone of a mall where one machine said, ‘Swipe once and free gifts follow’. Mesmerised by the sight of the chocolates and other freebies, we swiped the card. Only one chocolate came out of the slot. We lamented our lack of experience and followed up our first attempt with many others. With each successive attempt, each fringed with frustration, greed and hope that this time we would hit the jackpot, we finally exhausted the card and were left with a handful of chocolates worth not more than Rs 5 – and we had spent around Rs 200 in our attempts. For Rs 200, we could have got a stock of chocolates for the entire month. But because of the promise of ‘free’ gifts, we had to do it. I learnt the price one has to pay to expect free stuff, that day.

Apart from goodies and things that money can buy, there are a lot of other things that come for free. Free advice is one such thing. And so high is our fascination for the word ‘free’ one plus one freethat we have even named the roads where we don’t pay toll as freeways. Nothing enchants us as much as taking the advantage of free services. Even if our cars are shining to the skies, we still wait in queue to get two minutes of car cleaning done for free at petrol pumps.

I remember when it was the last day for the Bandra Worli Sea Link to be toll free. Thousands went to use the free status and there were huge traffic jams for hours. Nobody realised how much more money they spent on wasted petrol – much more than the toll money. But our minds ignore the practical aspects of things when faced with making a choice over something that is free.

They say there are no free lunches in the world, and you pay the price for something free sooner or later. And yet, there are so many things that are still free but which we don’t know how to appreciate. The swaying of the trees on a dull afternoon, the slight breeze as you walk, the sound of leaves rustling in the breeze, the rainbow brightening the sky, the chirps of birds, the beauty of butterflies, the shade of trees, the fragrance of flowers, the warmth of the soil, the calming effect of the waves…all of these are free. There are no price tags attached, no hue and cry that nature makes and hence we lose the importance of what is actually free and not enjoy it. Wake up and look around. Acknowledge these real free gifts before they cease to be free any more.

(Pictures courtesy  www.thesocialmediabloke.com, shopping.indiatimes.com, www.whiteindianhousewife.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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Rise. Dance. And don’t stop talking!

A Mumbaikar has a V-Day message for the women who are battered by men, and for men who abuse women.
payal tiwariby Payal Tiwari

A few months ago

The phone was ringing at 3:00 am. Your sobs woke me up. He raised his hand on you! It sounded unbelievable to me…How could he? I know him so well…He’s so good to women, to you, to me, to everyone! This is unacceptable. I know you were bruised that night. I was too ill equipped to handle the situation, too scared to get you away from that house. You kept crying…I silently heard you cry.

A few weeks ago

We all met at our favourite café for Sunday brunch. I was so excited to meet you, we hadn’t met since you moved in with your boyfriend. He is so caring in his own way, it’s always fun being around you two. And I am knocked out of my senses when you tell me what you two have been going through these past weeks. My head throbs with shock as I hear you open up to me. How could you have survived alone in that house? How does he not acknowledge it as violence? Why do you not walk out of it each time wordlessly?

A few days ago

I have been in love with your ways of defying structures; we’ve all grown to theoretically understand various facets of feminism and practicing it in every way of our existence. Our conversations reinforce various facts and I register how prevalent and widespread domestic violence is in intimate relationships. We talk endlessly of love, power, and violence. I dissolve into thoughts and images of how he physically abused you after giving up on the ‘discussion’ he was having with you!  I feel a surge of confidence to hear that you decided to move on…Passing the stage of passive onlooker, who hopes that this was the last time, and he is so apologetic about it!

Today

Over drinks and food, you have opened up about all those girls in your college who occasionally got a beating or two under the garb of their partners being ‘possessive’. I remember you once telling me: “I like to be with a ‘manly’ boy and well. . .These things come with baggage!”

Domestic violence is endemic in nature! From marriage to live-in-relationships, domestic violence in various forms (emotional, physical, financial, and sexual) is extremely violence against womenprevalent in intimate relationships. Abusers are not peculiarly crooked-looking men who beat their wives to pulp, they can be the most loving and caring partners who resort to violence after a bad day or might not consider any other way of conflict resolution but to raise their hand.

But no incident is ‘provocative’ enough to invite someone to raise their hand. No ‘mistake’ is big enough to justify an episode of violence. ‘Just one slap’ IS domestic violence. That ‘one slap’ is also capable of ruining someone’s self confidence to such an extent that they start showing withdrawal symptoms.

Will we forever maintain silence around this issue, because it happened just once and we are sure he “won’t do it again?” Each day I get more concerned about violence against women. Because it is happening every day, every minute! Where do we go from here? Do we wait till this violence ends or do something about it? What can we do about it? Is this only a ‘women’s issue’ and does not affect men at all? Is the definition of violence restricted to only ‘physical battering’? No. It is not only a women’s issue because men also get affected by violence.  Violence spreads because of sexist attitudes that form a part of a certain culture that perpetrates rape and violence against women. This violence is of various degrees and moves beyond physical battering. It includes verbal thrashing (constant taunting, comparisons, constantly finding faults etc.) as well.

Eve Ensler, the writer of The Vagina Monologues suggests that one billion women across the world stand up together on February 14, 2014 and dance just like that they did last year. This year we stand up for justice for those who have been fighting for it.  Let our dance be symbolic, and let’s unite against violence on women! There are many ways of celebrating, many ways to unite…  Let this fabulously festive way be our language to acknowledge the violence that women face very often!

We need stories, we need dialogues, we need conversations, and I am angry that we choose to ignore these incidences. I blame the parents, friends, colleagues and relatives of these men who are violent towards women. When will we have the conversation with these abusive men? If he did it once, he could do it again… 

I want us to talk unabashedly, as loud as we can. And together we need to talk. I want men, women, members of the LGBT community, everyone to come together and dance till the violence against women ends. I want to scream and shout till the violence against women ends! And in order to stop this violence from occurring we need to dance, fight, yell and talk… As hard as we can and as much as we can!

Payal Tiwari is a researcher on gender issues, and is based out of Navy Nagar, Mumbai. She holds a master’s degree in Women’s Studies from Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS). A fervent animal lover and a staunch feminist, she loves to travel, drink chai and read.

(Pictures courtesy ibnlive.in.com, faridabad.haryanapolice.gov.in)

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Mumbai’s children – in want of playing spaces

A space-starved city’s biggest casualty is the lack of playing spaces for children – but where should our children play?
by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

As a young girl, the dreams of my future were like most other people’s – a happy life, a good husband, a good job, of course money, a nice house and lovely kids playing in my garden. But wait. Did I say “A garden of my own?”

This was the only part of my dream which was not fulfilled. Why? Because I got married and moved to Mumbai.

In a city of dreams where many dreams succeed and many crash, my hopes of a garden came crashing down after I moved to Mumbai. I never knew the worth of a garden till I became the mother of an energetic, always-running-and-jumping child. My building, like most other buildings, is starved of open space. The builder has minted money by making flats on the ground floor, too. The leftover space serves as a parking lot for a few privileged flat owners who have bought the parking space (though it is not meant to be sold). Anyway, a garden is non-existent in the premises and the only ‘play area’left is the space between parked cars.

Thanks to Mumbai traffic and busy office hours, most people return home late and that means their empty parking lots are utilised for cricket, badminton, running, etc. My five-year-old son and other children of all sizes and ages compete with each other every evening to catch the best available space. The mothers of the little ones huddle in one corner, chatting and gossiping. But amidst all these chatting sessions, our eyes are forever trained on the entrance gate to spot a car entering the building. As soon as a car shows up, there are shouts of “Car aa rahi hai, bacchon, side pe ho jao!”. Chaos follows, with children running in all possible directions, some even towards the car, followed by their anxious mothers.

The poor driver of the car is, by now, conscious of all eyes on him/her. The kids are happy if the car is not about to park in their playing space. If it does, then the car owner is parking spacemade to feel guilty as the children drag their feet, pick up their bottles and playthings with a “Why you came early today?” look on their faces. The car gets parked and the playing resumes, only to be interrupted again by another car entering the building.

Meanwhile, a daily feature of play time in the building is the falling down and hurting themselves of at least two children every day. This is no joking matter – the children fall on hard floor and sometimes seriously injure themselves. Every day, I carry a silent prayer in my heart for my child as he plays. Come rainy season, the children are robbed even of the parking space ‘play area’. After the rains subside, the moss-covered floors make even walking impossible.

The solution to all this is go to a nearby garden. But alas! When I go there, I realise many people know of this solution already. The gardens are crowded and unkempt. Most of the swings, slides are rusted and broken with sharp edges. Besides, going and coming back from the gardens means getting stuck in traffic and for parents who come home from long hours at work, this can be very frustrating. Some buildings do boast of a play area, garden and other such amenities, but the cost of living and maintenance issues make them unaffordable for the middle class.

But despite all these limitations, the children still enjoy their limited play space and make the most of their play time, and for that, I really salute them. Parents are often heard lamenting about the space crunch problem and give the usual excuse that their children watch TV as there is nothing else for them to do. We have to understand that limitations would be there, but they can also be suitably overcome if one wants to. Since nothing can be much done in terms of infrastructural changes to overcome this space problem, what best can be done is to employ some smart strategies for play time:

– Parents can make groups and organise play activities for younger children.

– Groups can take turns to supervise the children while other parents can use the time to run errands.

– Parents can take turns to ferry the children to the nearest park or ground. This can be done on Saturday and Sunday mornings and other school holidays.

– Plan for play time so that it does not coincide with people returning from office and using the parking lot.

– Invest in creative indoor games for rainy days. Puppet shows, activities, story sessions, dramatics can all be planned for children for summer vacations and the rainy season.

It is important for children to play with each other as apart from recreation and fun, it also trains them for social interactions and is an essential part of the growing years. And though I gave up the ‘Ghar, ghar ke aage garden, garden mein grass aur usme khelte bachche,’ dream for my own children, I dream it now for my grandchildren. And now you must excuse me as I see a car approaching and I must warn the children who are playing kho kho.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Pictures courtesy www.ndtv.com, letsjapan.wordpress.com)

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Why I’ve wanted Sachin Tendulkar to retire

A cricket fan explains her love for the man in Jersey No 10 and why he should have retired earlier.
by Ritika Bhandari Parekh

I was a cricket fan first and then a girl. When we cousins played together, I got three chances to be called ‘out’ completely and still prefer that arrangement. Sachin Tendulkar is my hero. He is the sole reason for me to watch cricket, enjoy it and understand too.

When I was seven years old, an India-Australia match was being telecast live. It was dinner time for my dad and he liked eating in front of the TV. It was a Saturday and since 3 pm that day, while my mom was watching Swabhimaan on DD, I’d wished the match would start soon. Now it was 9 pm and I was completing my Maths homework.

Green grass, our men in a light blue jerseys, a few of them had moustaches and there was Shane Warne. He was bowling to the man whom today we refer to as ‘God’. His greatness was recognised by the likes of Donald Bradman, another legend. Despite the commentary, something about the noise on the field made me stop scribbling my homework and watch. Or maybe it was my mother’s “I hope aisa ek six maare Sachin ke inki vaat lag jaye.” It was a tense over, followed by a cool Pepsi ad.

“Why are people crazy about cricket, Papa?” I asked.

“Just watch the game,” he said.

sachin tendulkarSo I did. Every time there was a ball hit for four runs, I felt happy. Sachin’s quick two runs made my heart skip beats. And slowly, I was able to identify that there were 11 players in total on one country’s team. India lost the game for a few runs that day. But I was very proud to be able to talk cricket now. My favourite player had to be Sachin Tendulkar.

As I became a teenager, a few glances were cast over Ganguly as he and Sachin made some awesome opening batsmen entries. But only humble Sachin in all the wonderful ads, especially the ‘Roz khaao ande’ one took my heart away. I remember how he later partnered with Sehwag and went on to form new alliances.

Better still, his jubilance on taking five wickets in a match with Nayan Mongia as the wicket keeper is still etched in my memory. From his recent wins, the T20 match that bashed Shoaib Akhtar and finally, picking up the World Cup is fresh in my mind. But the Master Blaster doesn’t hold the charm he held once.

The media waited for his 100th hundred in ODIs, with every match India played reduced to just the man with Jersey No. 10. It stopped being about winning matches, it just became about how Sachin was always so close, yet so far. It was unfair to blame Sachin, as he never proclaimed his own greatness or thought he was God. But diehard Sachin fan that I was, I still felt that he was a legendary senior player and the youth did deserve a chance to show their caliber. As a fan, I thought he should retire. Would his retirement guarantee more wins? Maybe not. But the cynics would stop blaming him for our losses.

I wanted him to retire gracefully, to at least bid goodbye to the one-day matches. I was still a fan, a fan who never put up any Sachin Tendulkar posters, who still does not remember his runs accurately or even the Series he won his best plays in. Yet I am a fan, because I can’t watch cricket if Sachin is not playing. I do not seem to care where he is playing, but more on how.

And now that it’s time…

Dinner table conversations with a cricket match on, will never be the same again. Sachin’s decision to retire has sent a ripple of relief mixed with shock amongst his fans and naysayers. This November 14 will not be just another Children’s Day in India, it will be a day when the legend will say goodbye.

Mumbai’s Wankhede stadium will witness an atmosphere of euphoria like never before. How can we predict that? Days before Sachin’s last test match, every billboard is saluting the Master Blaster. If music is your constant companion, then tune in to any FM channel and the RJ will regale you with Sachin trivia. Are you in front of the idiot box? Shows like Taarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashma have a ‘We will miss you Sachin’ theme for the storyline.

It is hard and a bit impossible to not know that the God of Indian cricket is bidding adieu. And for the iPhone generation, there cannot be a better chance to be a part of history in the making. Everyone wants to grab a ticket.

And there is a sinking feeling that no one can ever again make me watch a cricket match. My reason to experience a match in the stadium has vanished with Sachin’s retirement announcement. I was seven years old when I first saw him play. His humility and smile still make me swoon like a teenager.

Sachin Tendulkar – one man who was born great, achieved greatness and had greatness thrust on him by a nation of cricket fanatics. And yet, so little has been heard from him. Of him and for him, a bevy of celebrities, athletes and sporting stars from other fields have given their sound bytes. But it is the curly haired man’s thin and delicate voice that will boom this Thursday. It’s time to paint the town with the awesome and humbling effect called Sachin Tendulkar.

Ritika Bhandari Parekh is a closet writer, who hopes you stumble by her writings. Currently she is exploring the bylanes of Lalbaug, searching for a thin crust pizza base, preferably whole wheat.

 (Pictures courtesy www.cricketdawn.com, www.mirror.co.uk)

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Chalta hai, yaar!

What is with this ‘Everything’s okay, let things be’ attitude so prevalent in our Mumbai? A worried Mumbaikar wonders aloud.
by Devashri Prabhu

Earlier in my discussions with my non-Mumbai based friends, I used to always brag about aamchi Mumbai. My sentences used to start like this: “My Mumbai has the best vada pav in the world!”, “Mumbai people are hardworking, simple and down to earth”, etc. Now, my non-Mumbai friends mock me that Mumbai is in recent years becoming famous for its chalta hai attitude.

It hit me hard. But there was some truth to what they said. You will agree if you have encountered any of the following in Mumbai:

1) ‘Doodh mein paani dala hai bhaiyya’

‘Chalta hai, madam‘.

2) ‘Arey uncle, yeh biscuit ka packet aap bech rahe ho, iski expiry date khatm ho chuki hai‘

‘Chalta hai, beti‘.

3) ‘Bhaiyya yeh 20 rupee ki note phati hai’

‘Chalta hai, madam’.

You hear the neighbourhood aunty’s cries; you know she is being beaten up by her husband. You want to intervene and try and help her but another neighbour will stop you, saying- “Yeh toh har jagah chalta hai. It’s okay, you don’t interfere in their matter”. How long have we been dealing with this chalta hai attitude and in how many areas?

Chalta hai here always?

chalta hai On National Election Day, people prefer to not vote, because chalta hai – it will not make much difference. And after elections, if a complete idiot comes and sits on the political seat, people are free to say they knew it would happen, hence they did not vote. In a Bollywood film, it’s absolutely fine for the hero to constantly stalk, tease and pass comments on the heroine, but the audience says, “Chalta hai, hero yeh nahi karega toh kaun karega?” And then when we see eve-teasing raising its ugly head again and again in our city, we say it’s because of those films and what they show.

What is more surprising is considering this type of behaviour as normal. Why chalta hai?  May be because our daily activities take up all our time and such issues take a back seat. Another reason could be that we know somewhere at the back of our minds that we are simply procrastinating on dealing with the issues and finding the answers or maybe, we are just not bothered. We easily forget that these issues are inevitably related to our daily lives.

For instance, if we accept that mixing water in milk is a ‘normal’ thing then the bug called ‘food adulteration’ will slowly spread and ultimately attack our health system. National Election Day is a national holiday not so that we can take a family trip, but because we should go and execute the most important civic right – to vote. If you consider that no candidate suits your eligibility of a good leader, then use the ‘No Vote’ Art 49 O right to effect a negative voting, which was recently upheld by the Supreme Court of India.

No more chalta hai!

We talk at length of our fundamental rights, the facilities that we are entitled to, etc., but we forget what we ought to do as residents of this city. Our indifferent attitude will not help no chalta haiMumbai in any way. When we implicitly allow the chalta hai attitude in our daily life, we are agreeing to all the wrong doings happening in the city. The chalta hai attitude reflects inaction and passivity which is harmful for the welfare of Mumbai. This inaction has become the hallmark of our city, and it is in reality, the Mumbai Spirit.

Sporadic candle light marches are not going to help. We need to create a flame of change in our hearts. A change that is here to stay. Prepare forums where we can share each other thoughts and the happenings in our city. Use the social network to the fullest for this purpose. Go, sensitise the rickshawwallahs, taxiwallahs, hawkers on issues such as eve teasing. Health education, food adulteration are the issues which need to be taken up with the common man. Take the Government’s help if needed. And last but not the least – people, go vote! A small step does make a big difference. We need to celebrate Mumbai in the real sense and set an example to others ke Mumbai mein sirf Mumbaikar ka raaj chalta hai!

Devashri Prabhu has a Masters in Psychology and her interests lie in areas like Mental Health, Social Issues and Spirituality.

(Pictures courtesy adayinlife.timesofindia.com, www.projecteffexx.com, www.reddit.com) 

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