Tag: Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Little people

New age parenting: Frantic WhatsApp messaging

Post author By The Metrognome
Post date October 5, 2015
1 Comment on New age parenting: Frantic WhatsApp messaging

Parents are increasingly using WhatsApp to keep in touch with other parents and discuss their children. But is this wise?

by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The red light on my phone flashed, indicating a new message on WhatsApp. It was a joke:

Mother: So what did you do in school today?

Child: Why are you asking? Didn’t your WhatsApp school group tell you what happened in school today?

It didn’t make me smile. Is it true that we are discussing our kids too much on social networking sites? It is possible that we have forgotten to draw boundaries around what we should and should not discuss.

My son’s school ends at 3 pm every day and he is home by 3.30 pm. This is when my WhatsApp mommy group gets super active. It starts with questions about homework and what happened in school, then takes the familiar path to criticism and gossip about everything their children tell them. I don’t think any of these mothers cuddle their tired kids after a day at school – instead, they whip out their phones and start a post mortem of the school day.

Sometimes I feel that technology has brought us too close. I take care not to respond too often, but I do read all the chats carefully. Many times, this makes me question my own parenting skills. The other mothers know so much more about school and what their children do, than I do about mine. The parent-teacher meets further make me question myself. The other mothers have so many questions to ask, while I have to rack my brains to ask even one. Most of my interactions with my son’s teacher end in a minute. I can feel the eyes of the other mothers on me; they must think I am a bad mother, that I don’t even have a question about my son.

This charges me up to behave like them for a few days, prompting my horrified son to put his foot down and say philosophical things about his rights. Better sense prevails and I realise that too much intrusion in my son’s life can curb his freedom.

My kid sure knows his rights – the other day, I stopped him from doing something and he protested and said children also have a life and that I was stopping him from living that life. I was taken aback – I had always thought I was a great mother who encouraged him to enjoy his childhood in every way. And here he was, hinting that I was a dictator.

It’s true – we often don’t let our children do the things they want to do. Instead we tell them what they should do and discuss them obsessively over social media. I don’t any of my son’s classmates but I know so much about them from the WhatsApp chats. This makes me uncomfortable – would we like it if our children discussed our shortcomings on social media chats? Parents compare their own children to others, they put up homework pics, compare handwriting and even laugh at their own children’s foibles. Is it fair to laugh over a child’s shabby scribbles?

All children learn to read, write, speak and add sums eventually. Every child learns. How would we feel if our children revealed our salary statements, discussed how we were about to lose our jobs, our medical profile on social media? If that’s not okay, why do we think breaching our children’s privacy is?

I think all parents need to let schools do their jobs. We need to interfere less, keep our anxieties to ourselves, let our children learn at their own pace. They have their childhood just once in life, let them enjoy it to the fullest. Take a deep breath and don’t burden your child. Also, put away your phone and use that time to be with your children. Talk to your children, don’t discuss them with others.

Tags Dr Pooja Birwatkar, little people, parenting, whatsapp messaging

grey space

If Piku was a man…

What if ‘Piku’ had been the father’s story, and if the protagonist was a man? Does the story play out differently?

by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Piku released recently to an almost unanimous vote of approval from audiences. The story of a daughter fast approaching middle age taking care of her hypochondriac old father while juggling personal problems and a career, made for an engrossing subject. While tracing the nuances of the father-daughter bond, the film made an angel out of the distressed daughter caught in two worlds, courtesy her difficult father.

As per Indian standards, Piku should have been married and settled in life, raising her kids. However, Piku is ‘deprived’ of this set pattern of life as her life’s focal point becomes her difficult and demanding father. All sympathies are bestowed on Piku as some sort of ‘victim’ who suffers a trail of misfortunes. Out of all this, the biggest point to stand out was that Piku is a girl. A girl of marriageable age who has ‘compromised’ on life for the duties she has taken upon herself.

While the film’s makers may have given a nod to gender equality by making the protagonist a woman and not a man, yet the way the ‘sacrifice’ was highlighted did not celebrate the equality of sexes. If Piku had been a man, there would have been no discussion on his marriage and sexual needs. There would be no dialogues about Piku’s virginity (she talks about her sexual needs as well). We wouldn’t think the man was making a sacrifice – rather we would take him to task for not taking care of his vulnerable parent. Piku’s pains would be his duties. Oddly enough, we cannot picture the girl Piku bringing home a husband who lives with her father and shares their daily struggles. Even her father does not give her this liberty. A man in her place enjoys the privilege of bringing home a wife who would look after his parents, while men are not expected to do so for their wives’ parents.

We find many Pikus in our metros. Why is this? If we look at life from the standpoint of her father, we would discover many ugly truths about life in the metros. While it is true that Piku’s father is an extreme hypochondriac, there wasn’t anything very unusual about the way he behaves. Each of us has this sort of senior in our homes, neighborhood and even extended families.

A typical couple in Mumbai goes through the expected struggles of setting up home and fulfilling all their dreams. Their entire life passes by in the pursuit of these goals. Finally, they retire to the peaceful confines of home and solitude, thinking of what might have been. In their golden years, loneliness silently creeps in and becomes the sole companion of their grey years.

Many aged people behave just like Piku’s father – they become maniacal about their health as they age, overly critical, and always apprehensive about their future. Though the film shows this behaviour as ‘selfish’, there is an empathetic note to be taken here is that severity of this behaviour can be linked to the lack of confidence one has about the smooth transition to old age and death.

While health scares, medical expenses, lack of care providers all plague our senior citizens, the biggest scare is that of being left alone. Are we doing enough to make Mumbai a blissful retiring space for our elderly? If not, why not? Are our senior citizens not justified in being overly possessive and critical? They must think with a shudder of themselves being stuck in an ambulance on a busy road, or dying alone at home while their children pursue their own lives abroad.

When Piku’s father’s dying makes life easier for everyone around, the question remains: what of those who are still alive? Aren’t the elderly justified in wanting to go back to their roots, to be near their loved ones, to be like a child again? We come full circle when we reach old age, reaching for those things we held so dear as children. Understand from the senior’s lens: it is not easy to start losing everything you worked for all your life.

We all took heart from knowing that we are not alone, that we are Pikus too. But spare a thought to the thousands of elderly citizens who are forced to depend on their children in their old age. Maybe we could then think of our parents and elders in a different way.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education.

Grey Space’ is a weekly column on senior citizen issues. If you have an anecdote, or legal information, or anything you feel is useful to senior citizens, caregivers and the society at large, feel free to get it published in this space. Write to editor@themetrognome.in or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Themetrognome.in and we will publish your account.

(Pictures courtesy zeenews.india.com, healthintelasia.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

Tags Dr Pooja Birwatkar, grey space, piku, retirement, senior citizens

Guest writer

My body is weighed down…

A Mumbaikar writes about her struggles to lose weight and not finding enough time and motivation to keep at it.

by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Amidst all the stresses of our lives, inconsequential and significant, one stress grips most people in the world, especially if one is a female. I don’t mean to sound stereotypical in my supposition, but I have observed that women all over the world fuss, fret, frown and lose sleep over the idea of weight loss.

Any woman, from an anorexic model to actors, entrepreneurs, housewives, working women, or any women you see on the street, worries about her weight. We all have the common nagging feeling that we are lost in the fight against the bulge. Nobody is content with their weight we all wish for magic wands to make those oodles of extra weight evaporate into thin air, even as we gobble everything in sight and don’t exercise.

Slowly entering middle age, and trying hard to hold on to my youth, I have tried practically every trick to keep myself fit and fine. Gone are the days when uncomplicated weighing machines would just point to your weight. Now, those same machines heartlessly tell you your weight but also announce that you are obese. Not believing one such machine recently, my worst fears were confirmed when a medical checkup concluded high cholesterol levels and pounds of extra flesh I was carrying.

There began a vicious cycle of thinking positive thoughts alternated with losing my mind over how to reduce my burden on the Earth.

And yet, I am reasonably active (Mumbai people can’t afford to be stationery). My daily dose of exercise is supplemented by going up and down several flights of stairs at the local train station. I run, hop, walk fast to reach office on time. So why do I still have extra weight? Is this much exercise not enough? Sadly, it isn’t. Most medical practitioners will tell you that your mind has to be stress free when exercising. So all of our daily jogs to work and back don’t actually help as they cause more stress and strain.

I am in awe of those super women with not an ounce of extra fat on their bodies guzzling junk food and it doesn’t show on their bodies at all. Meanwhile, I wear what I eat. I see lots of women who eat healthily, but blame it on Mumbai’s commute, which makes you hungry after a long day at work. As one steps out of the trains to run home, the aroma of wada pav being freshly prepared at a stall outside the station makes you salivate. The hungry stomach growls. At that time, my normally sane brain completely reverses sides and tempts me to go for it. “Eat one today, nothing happens, don’t eat it again. It’s okay once in a while. Diet from tomorrow.” I listen to my brain and polish off the fresh snack. And as I am eating the last bite, my brain retracts its own words fast enough to put a politician to shame, and now reprimands me for succumbing. “Don’t you have any self-control? So many extra calories, indulging in junk food!” I curse myself for eating, but a few days later, the same thing happens.

Now that we are not conscious enough. Mass media and our social networks go out of their way to put the fear of the word ‘calorie’ in our minds, so much so that we count calories more than our bank balances. Our health feeds are full of scary accounts of diabetes, heart rate, obesity, what you should eat, how much exercise you need, what’s bad and what’s worse. There are various accounts of how eating healthy salads, brown rice, quinoa and wholesome soups is good for you, but who is going to make them? After a tiring day at work, all I want to do is ransack the fridge.

People with perfect figures claim that the days they eat a bit extra, they burn it out in the gym. Some say eat and lose it, others say don’t eat and lose it, others advocate choice eating…I ultimately eat and pile it on.

How can one make time for healthy eating and exercise in Mumbai? Tell us in the comments section below.

(Pictures courtesy www.fertilityclinicmumbai.com, gluebomb.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

Tags Dr Pooja Birwatkar, guest writer, lack of exercise, mumbai, overweight

Bombay, bas

Dear Mumbai, I am leaving you

Post author By The Metrognome
Post date March 26, 2015
No Comments on Dear Mumbai, I am leaving you

A Mumbaikar writes with sadness about being unable to cope with the madness of Mumbai – and asks for forgiveness.

by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Dear Mumbai, I am sorry but I have decided that eventually, I will leave you. Not that I don’t love you or take pride in being a Mumbaikar. I am a Mumbaikar to the core of my heart and you are my eternal abode. My most memorable years of life have been spent in your shelter. However, I am really shaken at how you have transformed over the last few years.

I owe you everything for making me strong and independent, but I am unnerved by the state of affairs. As I advance in years, the Mumbai lifestyle is becoming increasingly difficult to cope with. My reserves of endurance are draining at the crammed trains, buses, roads and traffic signals. I begin to freak out now when I wait endlessly in a traffic jam. It is wonderful that the city is getting its various mono and metro rails, and over bridges and freeways, but I shudder to think how Mumbai will cope with the herds of immigrants crowding into it every day.

A few years from now, I anticipate that all our modern infrastructure will only be bursting with people. The many freeways and bridges built to make commuting easier will simply crumble under the weight of so many people. Eventually, everything will sag under the burden of catering to the huge population. How many more bridges will we make, how many other developments of such type will take place? There is simply no space left any more.

My Mumbai, I loved you in the monsoon when you looked so beautiful under a canopy of clouds for almost three months. The arrival of monsoon was timed to perfection, but for the last few years, the rains have been a cause for much nail biting and stress for me, as I wonder if I or my loved ones will be stuck in a deluge. Or the rains are so poor that our water reservoirs have no stocks left. And then there are the potholes, making my body ache and causing so many accidents every year.

Water shortage is now an accepted part of our lives, and soon, power cuts would be, too. If it’s not water cuts, it’s the fear of dengue, malaria and swine flu. I get goose bumps when I see an ambulance stuck in traffic pleading to pass through the merciless traffic, and I torture myself thinking that I am in that ambulance and not able to make it in time.

The city’s busy life gives us just enough time to meet our loved ones on the weekends. We have lost the luxury of catching up with our neighbours over cups of tea after a long day of work – because we know we would be intruding on their private time, of which all of us have so little. I like to imagine that I will spend my retirement years in a garden in front of my house with a cup of tea and my husband and friends for company. Sadly, I don’t see this dream taking place in Mumbai. Leave alone a garden, I have started envying those Mumbaikars who have balconies in their houses.

I am pained and saddened that my formerly ‘safe’ city is no longer so. My life’s story too may end up like so many elders in the city who are alone, their children having left home for better pastures. The ghastly stories in newspapers about acts of organised gangs targeting seniors fill me up with fear.

Dear Mumbai, if I am so stressed out, imagine the pressure you are under! You also must long for shady roads and clean air, quieter festivals and open spaces for citizens. You must long to look prettier and not so dirty all the time. Do you even remember a time in your past when we didn’t shamelessly rob you of everything you had and not give you anything in return?

I am sorry to be selfish and abandon you, my home land, and I expect that you would forgive me some day.

(Pictures courtesy badabingbadabambadaboom.wordpress.com, knowledge.allianz.com)

Tags bombay bas, Dr Pooja Birwatkar, stress in mumbai

Bombay, bas

Ah, December!

A Mumbaikar makes a wish list for holiday destinations as December sets in, with its festivities and wonderful cool climate.

by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

I find that December, of all the months, is most charming, the most awaited and most celebrated as we look forward to the new year while waving goodbye to the old year. It is also the time of the year when the holiday mood that sets in with the Diwali break is on the brink of culmination.

With the chill in the air (though Mumbai is still battling with humidity and heat in the day time), our moods also calm down as we await the Xmas spirit and the excitement of the impending new year. For most of us, however, it’s a time for a mini-break from the city, especially if we’ve had a less-than-happy year.

Few years ago, holidays were actually visits to grandparents and the homes of extended family members. However now with our ultra-nuclear and condensing family structures such plans are in for a face change. As a devoted Mumbaikar, my getaway plan comprises filling the void created by missing so many things I want to do but never get the chance to. And hence, my ideal holiday destination must have the following:

First, the place must not be crowded. We see so many people in Mumbai that my idea of a holiday is to be in a place where there is nobody around for miles. Though my experience tells me that after the initial euphoria of being in a place without people in it, we Mumbaikars start feeling uneasy with the lack of crowds. Pretty much like the classic tale of the fisherwoman who, when given a chance to sleep in the most luxurious room devoid of any noise and smell of fish, kept tossing and turning the entire night and could finally sleep only when a basket of fish was kept near her bedside. She was probably a Mumbaikar.

Next, the place must have greenery. This is something we long for and satisfy ourselves with the small potted plants kept on our window sills and the few unkempt gardens around us. We want to run on green grass, swing on the drooping branches of trees, feel mud under our bare feet, smell the aroma of wet soil, see the blooming flowers and the hovering butterflies, and for once, see some beautiful birds other than our constant uninvited guests, the pigeons and crows. We also long for tree-lined roads with branches swaying in a light breeze. I am sure it would be most Mumbaikars dream to lay their hands on a hose pipe and water the plants in a garden.

The next on my wish list is for many of us a place that offers sumptuous sea food or anything that satisfies a non-vegetarian’s delight. Okay, I don’t mind eating vegetarian food as well, as long as it is affordable, because I find Mumbai eateries rob me of my hard-earned money with every meal I eat out.

Oh, and the place must be a commuter’s delight. I don’t want to stand in long queues for transport, I don’t want to be pushed and shoved while travelling. I want to occupy the entire seat on the train and look out of the window at green meadows and peaceful scenes.

When I go shopping, I want to pick up stuff that I will not find in Mumbai (where one can find anything, trust me). I want to pick up things that will adorn my shelves and keep reminding me that I will take another holiday in the coming year. Besides, I want to boast and make those people jealous, who don’t go anywhere for a break but prefer to sit at home in the holiday season.

Most importantly, the place should have no technology, at least, no Internet connectivity. Okay, I want no Internet connectivity for work, but I do want Whatsapp and social networking sites to function because I want to put up pictures of the places I am seeing.

Now to the most crucial element: arranging the money for the trip. Every Mumbaikar has a wish list of this sort, but not the finances for the expensive holiday that it will inevitably become. I propose a special provision for us Mumbaikars: Give us a mandatory tax rebate on our annual holidays. We deserve breaks more than the others do.

(Pictures courtesy www.sparomdee.com, ww.itimes.com)

Tags bombay bas, Dr Pooja Birwatkar, holiday destinations, mumbai

Deal with it

‘Swachh Bharat’ is not just a campaign

Post author By The Metrognome
Post date November 11, 2014
No Comments on ‘Swachh Bharat’ is not just a campaign

It has become a trendy new phrase, but maybe we need to take the ‘Swachh Bharat’ campaign beyond mere tokenism. Maybe we should try seriously adopting it.

by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

‘Swachh Bharat’ is the new ‘in’ thing for the country. When the campaign was launched in October this year, I, like so many others, instantly dismissed it as another campaign which would quickly gather dust as fast as it initially gained momentum. But though it is still in its infancy, the campaign has thus far proved us wrong about its estimated short-lived sustenance.

What is most remarkable about this programme is that it has captured the hearts of the nation’s young the most – in itself, a major achievement. What a way to go, if the future of this country is most enamored by this campaign! The other day, my little son and his six-year-old cousin reprimanded an adult who was about to throw an empty chips packet on the street with the words, “Don’t litter, Modiji ne mana kiya hai.”

So why did this particular campaign strike a chord? Is it merely the charisma of Narendra Modi who launched the campaign? Is it something else? One cannot deny that Modi has been the single most powerful force that has made the campaign what it is. But if you think about it, he merely stated what he have now adopted as a way of life in India. His sentiment that gandagi has crept so deep into our system that we have learnt to live with it to the extent that we condition ourselves to overlook it. Yet, subconsciously, gandagi has always bothered us. Which could explain why the first thing anybody on a first-time trip abroad will say on his or her return is, “People don’t throw garbage on the streets there. Everything was so clean! Yahan aisa nahin hai.”

Let’s talk about our own city – Mumbai, the heart of India, a city famous across the world for both its famous and infamous attributes. But just look at the city and what we have turned it into. Vehicular traffic, a population bulging at the seams, dearth of greenery, plenty of noise and dirt, garbage strewn all over, filthy beaches, polluted air, numerous diseases, poverty, slums…this is the overall picture of this metropolis.

As we marvel over the huge towers and amenity-laden buildings in Mumbai, just peep at the fringes. The magnificent houses with French windows open to a whole world of garbage, but we are able to miraculously able to look beyond it and focus only on the clouds above. We are all collectively living in a big garbage bin, and then we have the gall to call this indifferent attitude ‘the spirit of Mumbai’. And why are we so proud of this ‘spirit’ anyway, if it makes us immune to these evils of our own doing? We even go a step further and expect the BMC and the Government to clean up after us – after all, we pay taxes, do we not? So cleanliness and hygiene is not our problem.

A campaign like ‘Swachh Bharat’ has shaken us. Even more so, because the country’s PM was the first one to pick up a broom. Suddenly, dusting doesn’t look like such a lowly job.

But simply realising the problem is not enough. We have to fuel this campaign at all times. It doesn’t matter if everybody doesn’t participate in it – let’s pledge to first clean our city and not focus simply on our own homes. Mumbai is home to all of us, and it is everybody’s responsibility to ensure its good health.

(Pictures courtesy deccanchronicle.com, www.ndtv.com)

Tags clean india campaign, deal with it, Dr Pooja Birwatkar, narendra modi, swachh bharat