Tag: Dr Pooja Birwatkar

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Bombay, bas

What’s wrong with liking ‘Happy New Year’?

What makes us think the ‘masses’ have no brains, and hence deserve ‘certain’ films? Since when did we become such snobs?
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The other day I went to watch a movie, and after a long time I thoroughly enjoyed the new SRK film Happy New Year. Later, as I read the reviews and comments about the film from friends on Facebook and Whatsapp, I received a slight jolt. The reviews trashed the film for being mindless, a total waste of time and okay for people who normally left their brains at home while watching movies. Others said the movie was for the ‘front benchers’, a ‘mass movie’ full of seeti bajao scenes.

In short, Happy New Year is a perfect concoction of all the masalas needed to trigger Indian sentiments – friendship, parental love, patriotism, revenge, hatred, and everything else you can think of.

These reviews and comments prompted me to think: Am I a ‘mass-class’ person? Then I wondered: Wait a minute, what’s so wrong about being the ‘masses’?

I think this Mass v/s Class debate started with people coming to live in the metros, abandoning for ever their lives in villages and small towns for jobs, better lives and more stability. Of course, only those who migrated know the price they have paid for it – nobody can deny that we are lead, or should I say endure, extremely chaotic lives in the cities. Our days are so cluttered and time-bound that we seek escape routes to transform ourselves from the machines we have become to the easygoing humans we would like to be. The intellectual work we do in our offices never offers our poor brains some respite from constant stress and thought, and we Mumbaikars have actually forgotten what it is to ‘Chill maar’.

As adults in a fast-paced, crazy times, we are not alone in losing the ability to focus on the big picture. But we are unable to look for ways to break out of our own shackles. And while most of us may Mass class moviesnot have the chance to walk out of our jobs at this very moment, at least we can relax for one evening and watch a ‘brainless’ movie without having to explain ourselves?

The message I got from Happy New Year was that there are losers who get at least one opportunity to become winners. Isn’t that what we all desire? For one, the film gave me intense sadistic pleasure to know that there are other losers in the world, too. Also, the three hours that I sat through the movie filled me with the hope that losers can achieve what they want, at least once in their lives.

Sure, these movies take us off to a fairytale land where everything’s possible – that, in itself, to detrimental to sane thinking in the real world. But I am sure a lot of us find these movies cathartic and therapeutic to a large extent. Once you step out of the theatre, the real world with all its problems comes back to pounce, but that three hours’ worth of alternate reality was a joy to experience, wasn’t it?

So everyone out there, like me, who once used to be a patron of classy, cerebral films – don’t feel guilty about enjoying masala movies, too. It is totally okay to like mushy romance, gravity-defying action stunts, item songs that make you whistle, intense scenes that make you cry, patriotic scenes that make your heart race. Is your real life filled with so many emotions?

The next time you go to watch a masala movie, go with an open mind. Laugh with everyone in the theatre because everyone, mass or class, is allowed to laugh at the same things. And like the movie said, ‘Keep it simple’. Trust me, life becomes more tolerable once you step out of the theatre.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Pictures courtesy newsviewslive.com, in.reuters.com. Images used for representational purpose only.)

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Deal with it

Ravan in the fast lane

Our traditions are fading in the face of our own hazy recollection of them. What do we teach our children?
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The festive season is well and truly upon us, and while basking in it, I decided it was high time I helped my son brush up on his cultural knowledge.

Thanks to Shahrukh Khan, my child knows about Ravan, though he hasn’t heard of Ravan from the Ramayana. Realising that he had learnt a different version of Ravan prompted me, like many other moms, to attempt to undo the damage by telling him about the characters of our great ancient epics.

But I slowly realised that the road to enlightenment was full of hurdles. For one, I myself remembered only a very sketchy outline of the Ramayana. It really shook me up, and all my claims of being connected to my culture now lay about me in tatters. After a few days of heavy thinking, I managed to put my jumbled version into the right pieces, but I was still far from the real picture.

After this fiasco, I did not have the courage to attempt the retelling of the Mahabharata, which is even more complex than the Ramayana with its vastness and unending series of characters.

How did this happen? Have our lifestyles really started to take a toll on our traditions and cultures, which are slowly fading away without us even realising it? Even when we understand that we are doing very less to preserve our culture, we shrug off responsibility and excuse ourselves in the pretext of modernisation, liberated thoughts, paucity of time and daily stresses.

After becoming a parent I realised that I would impart the same ethics and sow seeds of all the beliefs and traditions which, once upon a time, I had resented as a child. Don’t we all try to mirror theTeaching our children our traditions parenting styles of our parents, and try to inculcate the same values in our children? Sure, all our parents’ values never become a part of our personalities, but we remember all of them and try to pass them on to the next generations. We may never have actively participated in trying to keep our culture alive, but when it comes to our children, we want our children to adopt our culture in its entirety.

Dussera reminds me of my sweet childhood, when listening to our epics during story sessions with parents and grandparents were one of our biggest pastimes. Children today are smart enough to tell you that they know that Santa Claus doesn’t actually come to their house on Christmas eve and their parents buy the gifts. As children, even we knew this about Santa Claus, but we were so rapt in our fairytale worlds that we willingly ignored what our minds cautioned us. We have grown up calling a sleepyhead ‘Kumbhakaran’ or a witty person ‘Birbal’. But our children have never heard of these hallowed personalities, which is the biggest tragedy of their lives.

Whatever age you are, the sight of the burning Ravan effigy with firecrackers exploding in the background never fails to enchant us and remind us that good always wins over evil. We try to teach our children about the many evils they will encounter, while also quietly reminding ourselves that we too, will slay the Ravans in our lives.

It is definitely not an easy task in Mumbai to go see the burning Ravan. The Mumbai gardi discourages us. So we content ourselves by going to malls and eating out. And while all that is good, does this mean that the future generations will never get a taste of what we experienced in our childhood?

A popular management saying goes, ‘Don’t tell us the problem, tell us the solution’. For starters, we could organise our own Ravan burning in our building societies. Involve the children to make Ravan and his brothers’ cutouts and collectively burn them. Plan to make it a community function. Have some sessions where an elder recounts our traditions and the stories behind them. Plan it the way you want, just don’t let the festival pass you by as just another holiday.

I think we owe this to our future generations. Do you?

(Pictures courtesy www.postmygreetings.com, www.princessliya.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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Deal with it

Combating ‘people stress’ at the workplace

More than our work, our workplace colleagues add to most of the stress in office. Here’s how you combat the pressure.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The other day I was teaching Mc Gregor’s theory X and Y, which states two completely alternative explanations of how people work. One school of thought says people don’t want to work and only work when under coercion, threatened with punishments or shown incentives. It also states that usually, people shun responsibility and only seek security in a job. The other theory states that people not only look forward to but also assume responsibility towards tasks they feel intrinsically motivated to do. So people are not lazy but they need to feel happy about doing something and if that happens, then they do wonders.

Don’t we all follow both these theories at our workplace? Likewise, we also see people of both kinds in our offices. Sometimes we start off by completely following Theory Y, but somewhere down the line, systems at work bug us and slowly we start responding to the system by underperforming or minimally performing. Come to think of it, what is the biggest issue we have at work place that bothers us the most? The job profile, the nature of job as well as other conditions associated with our work, remuneration, duration and travelling time to offices (the biggest problem of Mumbaikars) are all potent factors for both satisfaction, and largely, dissatisfaction. But if we have to name the most threatening factor that really robs us our peace of mind is the PEOPLE at our work place.

The toughest challenge is in the form of human beings – these could be colleagues, supervisors, managers and higher apex authorities. How difficult it gets at times to manage working with people! Ego hassles, dominance, personality differences, moods, feelings, ambitions, self esteem, power displays – all characterise in varying forms the people we work with. We meet all types of people in our work environments and HR principles tell us that we need to have harmonious relations with all of them.

That, of course, is easier said than done.

So what kinds of people do we see at the work place?

The giants. These are people who mostly know everything and are overpowering. They are the ones who maximally use insults, threats to get work done and are basically the ‘terrors’ in our lives.

Bullies. They use all the aggression at their disposal to make you slog.

The pessimistic ones. Whatever you do, they always fail to see the silver lining. Full of negativity and cynicism, they complain about anything and everything.Stressful colleagues

The keeping-tabs-on-you types. These people account for your every move and their eyes follow you everywhere.

The ‘goody two shoes’ types. These are silent, nice and always around to help, but sometimes their sheer lack of ambition and being too good rubs us the wrong way.

The victims. These people always feel the grass is greener on your side.

The super workers. They have an OCD which makes them work all the time. Their meticulous nature makes the others feel inferior.

The gossipers. These people keep changing sides and let you down when you trust them with your secrets.

The quiet but shrewd types. These willmanipulate people without anyone knowing.

The dependent ones. Thesepeople are extra friendly but always indecisive about everything, and load you with all their work, too.

These are just a few as we meet many more types at work.  At times people become so difficult that no matter how hard you try, they somehow manage to draw out the worst in you. At times we confront them openly, and at other times we wage silent mind wars against them. Most of these conflicts leave us feeling sick.

In places like Mumbai, where daily life itself is a constant source of stress, workplace pressures definitely take a big toll on us. All our meditation and yoga goes out the window in the face of dealing with ‘people pressure’. So what do we do? Definitely to change people and situations is not always in our hand and experts tell us that change yourself and you will be happy. Tune to let nothing bother you and take everything in a positive stride. Phew but only if we could do it.

So what does one do?

Workplace stressFight it out. But ensure that you can handle the repercussions. Also, your fighting response is a reflection of discomfort and mental anxiety, so you might want to address these first.

Talk it out with people. You will find that sometimes, gossip eases mental tensions.

Hope that the person(s) bothering you disappears. If they don’t, take a break from your desk and vanish for a while with a cup of tea or coffee.

In times of stress, try and summon happy memories. If you have trouble with this, browse pictures of friends and family for a few calming moments.

Be firm when dealing with the source of your stress. It is not worth it if the pressure makes you sick or anxious all the time.

Keep reminding yourself that this too, shall pass.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Pictures courtesy worksmartlivesmart.com, www.rediff.com, work.chron.com) 

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Deal with it

The not-so-Aha! moments in the lives of working mothers

Many mothers in Mumbai go to work. But is it better to have a job than be a stay-at-home mom?
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

I never thought Murphy’s Law would invade my life so frequently. For the uninitiated, the Law states that ‘Anything that can go wrong will go wrong’.

Hold that thought.

So the other day, as I went home after a tiring week, looking forward to two days of blissful break from office work, Murphy’s Law came back to haunt me even before I got home. My son was down with fever, and the atmosphere at home was somber and silent. Just as I was playing nurse to my ill child, my little baby asked me the question I had been dreading for very long:

“Why do you go to office? Amit’s mom doesn’t go to office, she takes care of him.”

Aghast at having to finally face the ‘Why do you go to work when other mommies don’t?” question, I tried to give him some plausible reasons, like ‘we need the money’, etc. He wasn’t satisfied, and said he wanted to see me at home when he returned from school. I told him that if I was there, I would make him study and he wouldn’t get too watch TV.

To which my little man said, “It’s okay if I don’t get to watch TV, I just want you around.”

It broke my heart to hear him say this. And it made me think a lot, too.

The reality of being a working mother in this busy metropolis hits hard when there are family emergencies and you are stuck between your home and your workplace. At that point, most working motherworking women would wish they were at home with their kids and family. There are times when working mothers like me get envious of the mothers who are home.

Suddenly, the lives of these stay-at-home moms seem picture perfect, while ours seem to be chaotic. Their houses sparkle, everything follows a system, their houses smell of aromatic cooking and they look relaxed all the time. These moms do the things we don’t have the time for; they do yoga and go for walks. They have the time to bargain at the local vegetable shop. They know what their children are up to all the time, and the children always finish their homework.

In comparison, our lives are an eternal cycle of chaos and mess. I try hard, but something is always amiss. I could forget to send the decorative material my boy’s school wanted, or not be able to keep up with his studies. On other days, I make some bland food and rush out the door, and at times my house is a mess. I often come home with my tired body crying out for bed.

But this happens to all mothers, working or not. The ‘working woman’ tag implies women who go to work outside their homes. But does that mean that women who stay at home are idle? I wouldn’t be too thrilled if my workplace was confined to the walls of my home. I have been a stay-at-home mother and then I went back to work, and I find both roles equally challenging. In fact, the housewives have it harder – I have seen many men introduce their wives as, “She stays at home.” What a crude way to describe the woman’s contribution to the home and its peaceful existence!

working woman 1If we analyse the psychology of stay-at-home mothers, we realise that they feel lost and find life less challenging when they are not given the credit due to them for all the hard work they put in for others – often, without any thanks. Their self esteem diminishes. We see such women socialising frequently, and we unthinkingly criticise them, saying, “Oh, but these women have nothing else to do!” What makes us working women feel that our stay-at-home counterparts are not entitled to their share of socialization?

In the end, the grass always appears greener on the other side. So many housewives wish they went out to work, so many working women want to give it all up and be at home. But would either of these women trade lives? Whichever side we pick, it’s not easy to live with it, but it’s not that tough, either. Not if we realise that life is beautiful at home or outside.

(Pictures courtesy news.nationalpost.com, www.naaree.com. Pictures are used for representational purpose only)

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Bombay, bas

What does Ganesh Chaturthi do for us city slickers?

It is a festival that brings the community together. And we sorely need community spirit in our busy city lives.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

The festival season has begun and Mumbai is in the grip of preparations for its most spectacular festival – the Ganesha festival.

The building where I stay keeps Ganpati every year. However, till the last moment every year, it is a dicey situation for all concerned, as we debate on whether we can host the Elephant God this year or not. Most people are too busy to take the initiative and fear the responsibility. Our ultra-busy lives do not give us the confidence that we would be able to not just welcome Ganpati but also actively participate to make the festival a success.

And every year, things fall into place at the last moment and we manage to have a beautiful celebration. Once the preparation begins, everyone joins in with full enthusiasm. It makes me reflect on one fundamental fact: we actually want festivities to happen.

Sure, celebrating festivals leads to spending a lot of money, harming the environment and myriad other things, but you can’t deny that our festivals also offer us some much-needed solace. Despite our busy lives, or despite being atheists or being strongly opposed to wasting resources, we always look forward to festival season.

Why do you think this is?

The patterns of our lives have dramatically changed over the years. Our channels of socialisation have slowly reduced. We Ganesh Chaturthi in Mumbaihave lesser and lesser people to interact with. As the daily grind goes on, we hardly know how to celebrate our relations, be it our immediate families, friends or even neighbours. Naturally, all of this leads to feelings of loneliness, and a sense of longing for a simpler time, when life was less structured. Our emotions haven’t dried up; it is just that we now struggle to find channels of expression.

Community festivals like Ganesh Chaturthi provide a platform for socialisation. The beauty of our festivals is that we become very humane when celebrating them. Everyone is welcomed in the home of God. The beats of the devotional music, the chants, prayers, the entire gamut of rituals evokes the pious and humane sides of our personalities. As we stand and pray, we solemnly resolve to become better humans. We reflect on our past conduct and examine our follies, decide to transform and for some moments, reach a meditative state. Even if we don’t work on half the things we resolved to work on, those few moments help us reach a stage of self-actualisation, and move away from the usual  Maslow’s need hierarchy tiers of fulfilling basic needs and bothering about safety needs.

Days before our festivals actually begin, most of us have a purpose in life and we are thrilled with thoughts of the upcoming festivities. It’s a great time to bond with family as well. Besides, we clean up our homes thoroughly before festivals before decorating our homes, making sweets and shopping for clothes.

So like every year, Ganesh Chaturthi will mean bringing the Elephant God in our building and also opening up communication with our neighbours. As we all gather for the daily aarti, we also get a chance to interact, make new friends, catch up on gossip with our neighbours. We can definitely use festivals like Ganpati for community experiences. Give your building kids a chance to make a team and organise events and games. This way, they will learn not only how to plan and organise, but will also learn about group dynamics, leadership and other soft skills like communication.

I agree that amidst all this we do harm our ecosystems through the bursting of crackers,blaring of music and wasting of resources, but on the positive side, our festivals give us a break in our monotonous lives. Whatever said and done, festivals do make our lives joyful, happy and something to look forward to year after year.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Pictures courtesy archive.indianexpress.com, blogs.wsj.com)

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Deal with it

Parents, step up to save your child from abuse

What are you doing to save your child from being molested, abused? Start by being responsible for your child’s safety.
Pooja Birwatkarby Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Of late, newspapers are becoming a seriously scary read, especially for parents, as every other day there is news of molestation and sexual abuse, or rape of children. What is more appalling is that it is happening in schools, the so-called temples of learning. Schools are places where we send our children to learn and love life. Parents trust schools and send their beloved children there believing that the care and trust promised by schools would actually be provided.

Until now, many news items spoke primarily of horrendous men who committing such heinous crimes on innocent children, but there was a recent news item about a female school worker who sexually abused a small girl. I was shocked. So far, we have been shouting hoarse at schools to employ female attendants to deal with children, but now, I have to wonder: with whom are our kids safe?

The tiniest of bruises on our children makes our eyes well with tears. A smile on their faces brightens our day, and we strive to make their world a happy place. Every parents puts his or her best food forward for their child. But even as we try to shield them from the evils of the world, we have to step back and ask ourselves: For how long can we protect our children? One day our little one will grow up and be on his own. So far, we’ve taught our children to trust their elders in schools. Now even that myth has been rudely shattered. So what do we tell our children now?

I really wouldn’t mind home schooling my child, but who will monitor the tutor? There have been recent incidents of home tutors mercilessly beating up children as well.Stop child abuse

It is time for parents to take matters in their own hands. Firstly, however, parents must realise that abuse happens with little boys, too. Our concern towards the girl child as a potential victim somewhere dilutes our attention towards the male child. Some people think that abuse doesn’t happen with boys, and if it does, it is not such a serious matter. Well, hello – a child is a child, boy or girl. Some parents are also guilty of not reporting abuse that their little boys face.

As the days go by, we must strengthen our resolve to save our children from sexual abuse of any nature, verbal or physical. It is not merely enough for parents and teachers to say that they have educated their children about good touch and bad touch. I’ve got some ideas that might help:

  • Parents should make permanent groups which work towards such causes. When going to PTA meetings, wear badges that say this:
SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR CHILDREN

 

If every single parent walks into school with such badges, schools will be pressurised to take extra care for our children’s safety.

  • Insist on written guidelines regarding safety from schools.
  • If some parents are well versed with training, join hands with schools to regularly conduct training sessions for teachers as well as school bus conductors, drivers, mausis and all staff on the school campus.
  • Conduct safety weeks in schools. Ensure that the school calendar does not make safety concerns just an annual feature.
  • Voice out your own experiences.
  • Those parents who send their children to school in private vans with no attendants, must try out the school buses provided by schools as a safety measure. However, try and closely monitor the behaviour of the attendants as well.
  • Be attentive to any behavioural changes in your child and trust what he or she says.
  • Teach your child to stand up without fear and report and untoward incident. Children should also be encouraged to report incidents of abuse they may have seen in school or other places.

Make a start. Take your child’s safety very seriously. Your child will thank you for your concern.

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Pictures courtesy www.nation.lk, newshopper.sulekha.com)

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