Tag: diaries

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Diaries

Diary of a whore

Chapter 2, First Meetings

He and I met at a conference for bakers. Funnily enough, both of us were with our partners. He with his wife, a stunning brunette who must have been willowy at some point in her life but had now lost some of her youthful firmness. A beautiful woman, nevertheless. I noticed her across the room even before I saw him, partly because she stood stiffly in her high-heeled pumps in a dress of dreamy teal chiffon topped with a large statement necklace in blue. Turning to see who she was with, I saw him with his eyes locked in mine.

It sent a frisson through me, his frank and open stare, with his wife just next to him and looking in my direction as well – she’d probably turned to see what he was looking at. Smoothly, noticing her gaze from the corner of his eye, he turned his face to look at the fearsome-looking exhibit next to them: a large pink and yellow creation shaped to look like a princess castle. I noticed that he looked slightly appalled, as did my boyfriend, Amar.

“What the absolute f**k is that,” Amar murmured, pointing at the cake-castle. “You want to go and laugh at it?” he grinned, and taking my hand, led me to it. I checked to see where he was – he had moved to another exhibit down the table, and they were both intently listening to a woman baker explaining her tray of blue cookies and macarons.

I don’t remember much of the conference, nor the exhibition hall and its contents, but I do remember looking around the room several times to see where he was. I caught him looking at me a couple of times. The last time he did, he turned away with the slightest smile on his lips. On any other man, that smile would have said, ‘Gotcha!’

On him, it simply said, ‘I’d like to know you…’

We met each other a month later, again, by accident. This time, both of us were alone. And we made the time to go to a café. Nothing was said about our earlier meeting – it was understood why we were sitting across from each other having lattes at mid day. The question was, What were we going to do about this little thing that existed between us?

I could have, should have, done nothing. But I did.

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Autism

‘He wouldn’t respond to me, his own mother’

Autism is difficult to understand and come to terms with, for parents. But they must realise they’re not to blame.
Kamini Lakhaniby Kamini Lakhani

Part I of the Autism Diaries – When a child not responding to his mother is not being stubborn

“He was uncommunicative. He didn’t speak till he was three years old, and even then, he didn’t pick the language as quickly as other children do,” the woman remembered. “He loved playing with building blocks, he would colour in his colouring books for ages. But he hardly ever responded when I asked him a question. Imagine that. My son did not respond to me, his mother.”

In the course of my work as a Behaviour Analyst and an RDI Consultant, I often encounter this sort of plaintive recounting of life with an autistic child. And more often than not, parents tend to blame themselves for their child’s autism. Most are unable to reconcile themselves to the reality of the disorder, and hence, are slower in accepting the situation and getting help.

For others, recognising that their child has autism is the first step they are ill-equipped to take.

Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorders

The present rates of Autism or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are shocking – 1 in 68 people are being diagnosed with ASD. So what exactly is Autism? Most people have an idea of what it is, but are not entirely clear.

Here’s a definition of Autism which also differentiates Autism from Autism Spectrum disorders, such as Asperger’s syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder. (Source: Autism Research Institute, California)

“Autism is a severe developmental disorder that begins within the first three years after conception. Most autistic children look like other kids, but do puzzling and disturbing things which are markedly different behaviours from those of typical children. In less severe cases on the spectrum (Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or Asperger’s Syndrome), children usually have speech and might even be intellectually gifted, but they have one or more ‘autistic’ social and behavioral problems. People used to think that autism was irreversible. The good news is that there are now a range of treatments that can be really helpful.”

Donna Williams, renowned writer having autism, often describes autism as a bowl of fruit salad. She implies that there are a lot of possible ingredients, but each person living with autism has a different mixture.

I find this to be true. I may have worked with hundreds of children and adolescents affected by autism – no two are exactly alike. They do share some common features in terms of the core deficits. But otherwise, they differ. If you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism. Let us not generalise.

About 20 years ago, there were few children being diagnosed with Autism. The prevalent rates were 5 in 10,000. Today the rates have skyrocketed to 1 in 68. True, diagnostic facilities are better today, but that cannot account for such a steep increase.

It is a known fact that autism has a genetic base. However, researchers are now talking about environmental factors that could be responsible for the high rates. These include heavy metals, pesticides, vaccinations etc. Nothing so far, has been scientifically validated.

Since there is no ‘medical test’ available to ascertain if the child has autism, we rely heavily on observation. Three basic areas that we normally look at:

Social Interaction

The child on the spectrum may not play appropriately with toys. For example, instead of playing appropriately with toy cars, they may line up the cars or just spin the wheels around. There may be a lack of reciprocity in back and forth interaction. They may not engage in pretend play.

Communication

One may notice fewer words being spoken, lack of speech or in some cases, no speech at all. The child may not respond to his name by one year of age – this could be a red flag. The child may also seem to be in his own world, not paying attention to what somebody is saying.

Repetitive behaviours

One may also notice the child engaging in stereotyped kind of behaviours, hand flapping or an ‘emotional’ attachment to certain inanimate objects. For those with PDD or Aspergers, one may notice limited interests or inability to determine if others are even interested in what they are talking about. For example the child may have a huge amount of knowledge about airplanes and will insist on talking about this, whether he has an interested audience or not.

Here are some signs of autism to look out for:

Autism signs

Autism symptoms

 

If you suspect your child has autism…

Check with your pediatrician if he/she can run the M- Chat (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers). This is a simple, preliminary questionnaire which points towards ASD. If the pediatrician is not aware of this there are development centers that you could visit.

Visit a child development center such as

– Ummeed Child Development Center, 1-B,1/62, Mantri Pride Building, Subash Nagar, N.M.Joshi Marg, Near Arthur Road Junction, Lower Parel (E), Mumbai, 400011

– Drishti Child, 205-206, Midas Chamber, off New Link Road,Andheri (W), Mumbai-400053

– SAI Connections, 201 ,2nd Floor, Bhagya Ratan Niwas, Above Prabhu Jewellers, 3rd road, Khar (W), Mumbai- 400 054.

Development Centers will normally run a battery of tests and a multi speciality team will carefully observe your child. Contact Forum for Autism (a registered parent body) for support and to connect with more experienced parents.

You are not to blame

The diagnosis of Autism is very difficult to accept. You are not responsible for what has happened. It is NOT your fault. You did not do anything wrong. Instead, below is what you can do, for yourself and your family.

  1. Take care of yourself – physically and mentally. I definitely suggest counselling for parents with newly-diagnosed children.
  2. Go through the grieving process and accept the diagnosis.
  3. Please do not be afraid of the stigma. We need to educate ourselves, our families and the communities that we live in.
  4. Early intervention is proven to be effective. What I find commonly happening in India, is that parents take too much time ‘shopping around’. Study options available – do your research and start working with your child, as soon as possible.
  5. And finally, things will get better.

Do you have questions? Do you suspect that your child has autism? Feel free to send me an email at saiconnections01@gmail.com. I will be happy to help.

Kamini Lakhani is the founder of SAI Connections. She is a Behaviour Analyst, an RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) Consultant, Supervisor and Trainer responsible for RDI professional training in India and the Middle East. She is the mother of an adult on the Autism Spectrum. She is also a member of Forum for Autism.

Next: A comprehensive view of autism, its symptoms and core deficits.

(Pictures courtesy www.thehindu.com, SAI Connections. Featured image is used for representational purpose only)

Categories
Diaries

Is gender equality a reality in Mumbai?

A Mumbaikar questions the term ‘gender equality’ in the context of Mumbai and comes away reassured, and also quite hopeful.
by Dr Pooja Birwatkar

Part 5 of the ‘Women’ diaries

A few days ago, tired after a hectic day at work, I had no option but to stand in the BEST bus. All the seats were occupied. I looked around, hoping that chivalry would prevail and some man would offer me his seat. But none of them did. It made me very cross with them. How could they sit comfortably when a lady was standing next to them? How rude!

As I mused over the issue later, I realised what a hypocrite I was. We talk so much of gender equality and female liberation, and so it should be completely okay that I was not offered a seat in a bus. If we talk of equality, then we must practice it as well. After all, like us women, even the men are tired. This brings me to analyse our own mega metro Mumbai. Is it equally easy being a woman here, like the men?

In Mumbai, with so many women heading out to work, it is clear that women are bread earners, too. They too contribute a handsome chunk to the family income. It is not unusual to find them in domains that are still considered male domains elsewhere. Women here are now traffic cops, ticket checkers, cabbyies, security officers, DJs, to name a few. Their office hours are as late as men’s. Of course, most working women also have the mandatory double shift, despite their jobs – one at work and one at home. There is still a long way to go when it comes to battling stereotypical women’s roles like cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children, that the female is naturally expected to execute. Men, wake up. We no longer expect you to offer us seats on public transport – should you expect us to handle all the house work alone?

You can walk on Mumbai’s roads care-free, as chances of you being ogled, stared and stalked are less in comparison to other places. Of course, there are sporadic cases of rape and molestation, and something better be done about it lest they become everyday occurrences. Yet, such incidents make us angry and not scared. Such episodes fill us with a sense of revolt and the courage to fight rather than bear it.

Single women, single mothers or divorcees, there is a place for everyone in Mumbai. No one labels you. They don’t have too much time to think about your life. You can stay alone in an apartment and have a life of your own, as the neighbourhood seldom keeps a tab on what you do with your life. You can eat alone in a restaurant and it can be the same restaurant on a daily basis. But I still feel there is a hesitance regarding this, as most women would, if alone, either occupy themselves with a book or be hooked to their cell phone. Wake up, ladies. You don’t need to pretend. It’s your world too and you have every right to be there.

And though I do not advocate it, you can smoke and drink without too many curious glances. There are friendly places where girl gangs can have their night outs. The city is quite open to homosexual relations and contrary opinions are normally not aired openly. Hearteningly, there are always a lot of people in your corner to support you.

I would not say that Mumbai completely believes in gender equality, but it fares much better comparatively. There is something about this city which makes you brave and hold your head high. You feel liberated and love life without questioning your gender identity. There is hope and place for all here and you are not made to feel different.

I just wish that on this Women’s Day all women resolve that we would not beg for equality but create equality in society. Let us start on the premise that we are and were always EQUAL. Do not thrust equality on us. We no longer need it. If at all any talk on equality has to happen, it should be from the angle of equalising men with women. 

Dr Pooja Birwatkar is currently pursuing post doctoral research and working in the area of science education. She has been associated with the field of education in the past as a teacher educator, and her area of interest is research in education. 

(Picture courtesy www.asianews.it)

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Diaries

A different kind of road rage

Two traffic policewomen talk about their jobs, how citizens pose many challenges and why a little respect would be nice.
by Nidhi Qazi

Part 4 of the ‘Women’ diaries

It’s a normal day. Commuters are going to work. Vehicles are inching ahead of others to reach their destination as fast as possible. There is heavy traffic at junctions.

And there is the traffic cop stopping commuters who have broken the road laws in some way. Further down the road, there is a woman officer stopping vehicles, checking licenses, issuing penalty receipts. But wait. Within a few minutes, a driver breaks the signal and rushes past in a jiffy despite the woman constable’s stopping him.

“Many a times, we women are not taken seriously. People break the rules often when they see a woman traffic cop,” laments Madhavi Naik (name changed), a head constable at a junction in one of the central suburbs of the city. Madhavi’s day starts at 7 am and lasts till 3 pm, and she is on the roads for all that time. She adds that the job has its challenges like all other jobs; but as a woman, it’s the perspective of people around that is the most challenging.

“People still feel that the police force is best suited to men. Though my family is supportive, my husband takes care of children, packs their tiffin, drops them to school…but society still questions my choice of job and feels, ‘Aurat kya handle karegi traffic, kaise kaam karegi’”.

An aside here: when I was chasing this story, my request for an interview was turned down several times by the women, saying, “Hum kya baat karenge, humein permission nahin hai. Aap bade sahab ya kisi male constable se baat karo.” Nevertheless, I was able to hold clandestine conversations, albeit, faced with risks of getting caught!

Coming back to the women traffic police, what is a typical day in their lives like? “On a daily basis, we regulate traffic, ensure smooth movement for preventing accidents, penalise those who violate rules and also, at times, when traffic signals are not functioning properly, we inform the companies to look into the matter,” says Smriti Desai (name changed), a head constable at a Bandra junction. But performing these duties is easier said than done, as the traffic police face problems at both the micro and macro level. As Smriti puts it, “How do you ensure that people don’t violate rules when they don’t know the rules in the first place? Worse, they are not ready to accept that they have violated the rules.”

Madhavi says, “Out of, say 100 commuters, there are only two or three commuters who will accept their mistake and instead of arguing with us, actually pay the fine. We are humiliated almost every time but now we are all used to it. On a usual day, if you catch a commuter, he or she will either argue endlessly and say things like “Aap uniform ka faayda utha rahehain, humari koi galti nahin hai.” But Madhavi and her colleagues have learnt to laugh such allegations off.

The big picture is also a worrying one. “Over the years, the number of vehicles has grown but the width of the road remains the same. Moreover, whatever spaces exist are also taken up by vendors who come to Mumbai in search of livelihood. It is on these roads that the traffic police have to run the show,” says Smriti.

According to traffic police, around 300 to 400 vehicles get registered in a day in Greater Mumbai. The traffic police also laments the under-utilisation of the BEST bus transport.

Further, since there is a manpower crunch in the RTOs (Regional Transport Office), this gap provides an opportunity for agents. “People lack awareness about rules, also because they get their licenses made with the help of these agents and thus, they needn’t pass the driving test. There are no checks undertaken by the license-issuing authority – how does anyone know if the applicant is eligible to drive?” asks Smriti.

Citizen consciousness, or the lack of it…

“From traffic rules to traffic itself, it is the citizen’s attitude which really matters,” feels Madhavi.

She raises further concerns: “Why don’t pedestrians use the skywalks which are meant for their safety? Why can’t people use public transport or carpool if they are going in the same direction? Why do commuters not talk to us properly? We are public servants and thus deserve some basic courtesy and respect. For us, the women, it is worse. Even women defaulters look down upon us and feel that we are intentionally insulting them by penalising them.”

But all this said, these women also feel that they are respected and given total co-operation by their male counterparts. “There are days when I feel, ‘Why am I doing this job?’ Then I feel proud about being a public servant, a part of this system,” says Madhavi.

Though citizens need to take precaution, be better aware of rules, and the pedestrian’s sense of judgement needs to improve, these women also feel that they, as police need to engage with the younger generation on three pillars of road safety – Education, Enforcement and Engineering.

Meanwhile, a little respect, please?

The Women’s diaries celebrate the spirit of women on the occasion of International Women’s Day on March 8 every year. Look out for Part 5 next: ‘Does gender equality exist in Mumbai?’

(Pictures courtesy Nidhi Qazi)

Categories
Diaries

Locked up inside her house…for 10 years

Ishrah Jahan’s younger sister Musarrat Jahan talks of the terrible years after her sister was killed in a police encounter.
by Humra Quraishi

Part 3 of the ‘Women’ Diaries

The case made international headlines when the news first broke – Ishrat Jahan, a 19-year-old student of a Mumbai-based college, was gunned down with three male friends, by police on a lonely stretch of road between Ahmedabad and Gandhinagar in 2004.

Ishrat Jahan encounterHer family back home in Mumbra heard about the case from the media headlines screaming out details of the encounter – it transpired that Ishrat had been on a ‘mission’ to kill Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi, and was a trained LeT operative. How and why this bright 19-year-old student of B.Sc at Khalsa College got mixed up in the business is still unclear. However, both Narendra Modi and his closest aide Amit Shah have got clean chits in the matter.

After a long fight to get justice for their slain sister, Ishrat’s siblings and their mother are trying to rebuild their lives, though it is an ordeal. Shunned by society and friends, and left to their own devices – after all, who wants to associate with ‘terrorists’? – the family rarely interacts with anybody. However, younger sister Musarrat staunchly maintains that Ishrat was innocent and killed needlessly.

She also says that she has rarely stepped out of her house since Ishrat’s death in 2004. That’s 10 years of locking oneself inside one’s home.

Ishrat, the daughter and loving sister

Ishrat’s mother last heard from her daughter just three days before the former was killed on June 15, 2004. Ishrat had called from Nashik – she had gone from Mumbai by bus to meet her employer Javed there – and informed her mother that she had met him. She had been working as an assistant to Javed Shaikh – her family says that she’d met him just a month before the encounter – who offered her a job in Pune. The job involved frequent travel in India, and Ishrat would be frequently gone for a few days. Though her mother disapproved of the travel, the family was in such dire financial straits that there was no option but to allow her to go.

The family had lost its breadwinner – Ishrat’s father Mohammad Shamim died in 2002 after a long illness – and Ishrat, her older sister Zeenat and younger sister Musarrat started taking tuitions at home to make some money.

I first spoke to the family in the aftermath of the killing, and it was a depressing interview. It was difficult to not be depressed by the pain with which Ishrat’s younger sister, Ishrat's familyMusarrat and her mother Shamima Begum recalled the second oldest child of the house, how she had been financially supporting the family after the death of their father in 2002.

When I spoke to Musarrat again for this interview, I could hear the sorrow in her voice once again. It is apparent that in these last 10 years, the family has not been able to recover from Ishrat’s cold-blooded murder by the officers of the Ahmedabad Police Crime Branch.

I ask Musarrat if there is any change in their station or the realities they live with today, especially after it is now officially acknowledged that IB officers were involved in Ishrat’s encounter. Musarrat says, “Even now, we have not got insaaf (justice), because the two political men (at whose behest the murders were carried out) are not touched and they have not been named as culprits.”

I ask her to elaborate. She says, “That encounter in which my sister was killed was staged for political gains, so what justice is there if the two politicians – Narendra Modi and Amit Shah – are given a clean chit? After all, these two politicians had concocted the false charge that my sister had gone to (Gujarat) kill Chief Minister Narendra Modi, and so they had her killed in that encounter! They are responsible (for her death) and yet they are not named. Why?”

Home alone

Though in severe financial problems, Ishrat’s mother and sister continued to wage a battle for justice. To this day, the family stoutly maintains Ishrat’s innocence, and instantly refute the charge that she was mixed up in terrorist activities.

Still, I ask Musarrat, given the people she is dealing with, is she scared about being so outspoken about the issue? “If my family and I were scared, we wouldn’t have fought this case all these years. It’s been very tough for us. We have been ruined, devastated but we are still fighting for justice…we are determined to remove this terrorist tag thrown at my innocent sister, at us, at my entire family. You can’t imagine how difficult it has been for my mother and us to survive all these years. We have been ruined completely, but we are not giving up the fight.”

She adds, “It [Ishrat’s death] was such a blow, on all fronts – emotionally, socially, financially…ever since Ishrat was murdered, we just kept to ourselves and seldom moved out. We have become wary of stepping out and meeting even the neighbours. Our studies got disrupted completely and we were ruined…it was difficult to even survive, forget about books and studies. For five years I sat blank, in a trance-like condition. I gave up my studies, stopped going out, and didn’t meet even any relatives.

“All those years of our life are simply wasted. It’s only now that I have started doing a course, but only through correspondence. Even financially, our situation worsened. Most of my father’s relatives are no more. My maternal grandmother lives on her pension in her native place in Bihar and my mother’s brother also lives there. He is a salaried employee, so he just about manages to support his own family.”

The now 26-year-old Musarrat says that her family, originally hailing from Bihar, has been living in Mumbai for decades. Her father was a small-time builder who suffered heavy losses and died of a brain tumour in 2002. With the  death of her 50-year-old father, the entire responsibility of the family fell on the eldest siblings – Zeenat and Ishrat. Ishrat had even begun taking up part time jobs together with her college studies to keep the money coming in.

Musarrat says that to this day, the family has received no help from the Women’s Commissions which are supposedly there to help and support hapless women and their families. “No Ministry or even any political party has come forward to help us,” she says

And so the struggle continues…

Tomorrow’s diary: ‘I’m a traffic cop, but you make me feel inadequate’.

(Featured image courtesy Musarrat Jahan, other pictures courtesy archive.indianexpress.com, www.kashmirmonitor.in)

Categories
Diaries

Trust in God, but carry pepper spray

Don’t just wait for ‘manly’ help – it is not ‘unwomanly’ to raise an alarm and protect your personal dignity.
by Vrushali Lad | editor@themetrognome.in

Part 2 of the ‘Women’ diaries

I was first molested by a 20-something man when I was 10 years old. We lived in pre-Gulf War Kuwait at the time, and I had accompanied my older sister to the grocer’s just a few steps from where I lived. He touched me twice between my legs, and as I watched him walk away calmly a few minutes later, even at that young age I remember being so ashamed that I did not raise an alarm though I easily could have. I let him get away.

There were several more molestation incidents as I grew up. Hands reaching out to pinch. Elbows swinging into ribs. Bodies being pressed against mine on a crowded bridge. I dealt with these assholes, fearfully at first, then with increasing violence.

Did the behaviour of some men put me off the rest of them? Nope, funnily enough. All my friends are men. I love men, they’re awesome. Only the creepy ones make me mad.

Cut to 2014. My temper rises at the teenaged boy who, accompanied by his friend in the restaurant, thinks it’s totally okay to keep staring at me over the rim of his beer glass. Of course, I have gone out of my way to ‘deserve’ this kind of attention – I am the only unaccompanied woman in the restaurant, and I do not pretend that a male partner will be joining me soon. I order a huge plate of food, sit cross-legged on my wooden chair, watch an old cricket match on the restaurant’s TV, yell for water.

I give this silly staring infant a full five minutes to quit staring. I can’t know what he’s thinking, but as his head keeps swivelling around in my direction, I know he’s not thinking, “This is the kind of independent woman I will raise my daughter to be – who will go to restaurants alone and not mind being stared at.” His five minutes are up, and I look away from the TV screen. Looking directly at him I loudly ask, “Kya dekh raha hai, bho%#@*ke?”

eve teasing Shocked, he whips his face around so quickly, I’m sure he’s broken his neck a little. Both boys do not look at me again. By now, I feel the eyes of the restaurant on me. The auntie on the next table looks murderous. “Kaisi besharam ladki hai,” she must be thinking. I finish my meal and ask for the bill.

I am 35, and by now, I have learnt several swear words. My potty mouth does not reduce my femininity (I think). My parents, however, worry about a bigger disorder that plagues their child – the one that makes me cause a huge scene and hit men in public. My mum tells me to be careful, my husband condoles the reason for my loss of temper, but not my outburst. “I worry for you,” he says, sighing.

Me? I find I care more for my peace of mind than creating a certain ‘impression’ about myself as a woman from a decent family, and I really don’t care, in the heat of the moment, if the guy I am pummelling turns around and starts pummelling me (though that would be embarrassing). The times when I haven’t reacted to such abuse are the times that I still recall with tears in my eyes.

Wherever a woman goes, whether returning home from work or going vegetable shopping with a child in tow, she is subjected to casual remarks, butt pinchings, breast gropings, and what not. At least more women are speaking out against these attacks (which are sweetly termed ‘eve teasing’). But most are still caught in the ‘Jaane do, these things happen,’ mindset. I can’t understand it – if we raise hell when somebody steals from us, why do we hush it up when we are humiliated for no reason?

Most people’s line of defence goes thus: ‘Go to the cops. File a police complaint. Get the perpetrator arrested.’ All of these are fine remedies, and they must be adopted, no question. But what happens in the few moments just after you’ve been inappropriately touched in a crowd, or a passing uncle whispers a disgusting suggestion in your ear? Do these remedies race through your mind first? Do you choose to keep walking as if you didn’t notice that hand on your breast, or do you turn around and satisfy your hurt ego with a filthy look?

You’ve got to do something.

I’m not saying everybody has to beat such men to pulp, but girls, don’t let them just walk away and grope somebody else a minute later. And trust me, no amount of filthy looks will help – those work only with close friends and family, who actually care for the sentiment behind the look. If you know who’s touched you, or said something disgusting, turn around that instant and go after the bastard. Run after him, turn him around by his shirt collar, and put all your strength into the hardest slap you can land on his face.

If he protests (and he will), slap him again. Kick him in the shins, for good measure. Don’t care if a crowd collects to watch you in action (and a crowd will, and don’t expect help either), and also swear at him loudly. If, after all this exercise, you still want to drag him to the cops, please do so.

As a journalist with Mid Day in 2005, I had to do night shifts for a week every month. Every city reporter, girl or boy, had a week of night shifts, where they literally worked all night, scouring the streets for stories, reaching the spot of a development, and so on. I’ve had more than my share of crackpot police constables asking me why I worked all night, directing the question to my chest than to my face, and with some even going as far as asking if I was single. I learnt to blank out the bad behaviour, choosing instead to wear heavy jackets when I could, and always going out for work fully dressed. I don’t know why it is, but the sight of a woman’s bare arms emerging from a sleeveless blouse drives some men crazy. They call it ‘modern’ clothes. Ergo, if I wore ‘modern’ clothes, I wouldn’t mind a bit of loose talk.

And despite my treatise on hitting back and the rest of it, dear girls, please also be careful. I’ve learnt to keep the punches arsenal in reserve, and to not go looking for trouble. In Mumbai, the ladies’ train coaches have a police constable after sunset. The sight of the police uncle in the train is a reassuring one, but he’s not going to escort you home. There’s no need to go all Princess Guerilla and carry a bazooka in your bag, but for your own sanity, be armed with a sharp tongue and a sense of instant justice. Keep a can of pepper spray handy for the times you may be mugged. Don’t merely wait for men or cops or the courts to help you – in a reasonable situation, at least make enough noise to pinpoint the abuser and attract attention to him in a crowd. Shame the man, and do it loudly.

More to the point, don’t be ashamed if some random man tries to get his thrills off you. The guilt is not worth it, and besides, isn’t it easier to own your life and your body than let the scum of the earth define what you should feel?

Vrushali Lad is editor of themetrognome.in. 

The Women’s diaries celebrate the spirit of women on the occasion of International Women’s Day on March 8 every year. Look out for Part 3 next: ‘Her sister was killed. But she fights on’.

(Pictures courtesy www.rnw.nl, archive.indianexpress.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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