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Holy cowboys

Prashant Shankarnarayan writes about the practice of worship by touching a cow all over its body, even on its posterior.
prashant@themetrognome.in

The situation – An old man worshipping a cow.

The observation – One can’t see a more harmless sight than this. A feeble old man dressed in a crisp white dhoti and kurta, bowing in front of the ubiquitous Indian bovine that is worshipped as the epitome of gentleness. But one also can’t see a more degrading sight than this. That of a man literally thrusting his face near a cow’s posterior. For him it was devotion, for me it was another instance of delusion that masquerades popularly as religion.

It’s not the first time I have seen someone bow in front of a cow. As a kid, I used to touch a cow with reverence and keep the same palm on my heart nonchalantly. A habit I had picked up not in the pursuit of aping a family member, but actually from strangers. There is an old temple in my building compound, and since childhood I have seen this gaiwali tie her cow to a post on the footpath outside our gate. It’s normal for people to feed the cows, something which even I used to do once in a while as a kid. In fact, I still feel it’s a harmless thing to do, but I had never seen anyone bowing to a cow’s arse until now.

If the same old man were to do the same thing in a culture that doesn’t understand the relation between cows and religion, then he would have been either dismissed as a lunatic or branded as a pervert. After all, it is dogs that are often found sniffing around unmentionable places; that too not because they worship, but because they are dogs who are programmed to do that! The funny part is that many religious people might even support the old man and blame me for either over-analysing a holy situation or committing blasphemy. Only religion can move a man to do something as humiliating as this, or support such a degrading act.

We know why cows are worshipped. Right from the time of our nomadic ancestors to the present day, the cow has showered her abundance on the human race and continues to do so even now. It is worshipped as Kamadhenu and is a standard feature on many godly portraits. Even the 1857 uprising happened because of both Hindus and Muslims’ reverence for the cow, and contempt for the pig respectively. But digging into a cow’s butt takes this reverence to a new level. Organised religion often forces a person to do so, and that is why I find it dangerous.

Worshipping a cow’s buttocks is on the lower end of the scale of fanaticism. On the opposite end of the same scale lie the political undercurrents, where a few fundamentalists spread the pro beef = anti Indian culture = anti India theory. And somewhere on the same scale lies the urge to brand our bahu and beti as a gai, a covert sadomasochistic statement that implies that women should give in abundance without complaining. The same race that goes to the extent of patting a cow’s butt, treats its own women worse than animals. All under the name of tradition, which is supposedly derived from religion.

In a nutshell, a cow is a cow. It’s good to feed her and indeed heartening for some to abstain from devouring the creature. But if holy cowboys tamper with her bum too long in the name of worship, one sure knows what kind of offering the cow will give in return.

Prashant Shankarnarayan is a mediaperson who is constantly on the lookout for content and auto rickshaws in Mumbai. The Soft Coroner attempts to dissect situations that look innocuous at the surface but reveal uncomfortable complexities after a thorough post mortem.

(Pictures courtesy factsanddetails.com, sulekha.com, tamilweek.com)

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Women’s Day in a man’s world

Prashant Shankarnarayan wonders if Women’s Day is to be celebrated or observed, and either way, seriously, what’s the fuss about?
prashant@themetrognome.in

The situation – An email regarding Women’s Day sent by my office’s HR department.

The observation: Two days ago, I heard a woman in my office shriek in excitement. Then a few more women followed in unison. Our HR team had sent a ‘Women’s day special’ email, mentioning that all the female employees can shop till they drop on Women’s Day and can buy stuff equivalent to their respective net salaries.

Some women reacted as if they had been crowned Miss Universe. The men started complaining even as some of their female colleagues rejoiced; and then there were many like us who knew this just can’t be true. It took a while for them to realise that it was a prank. Few women, who were literally dancing in bliss moments ago, were seething in rage even as the HR head (a woman) tried to explain that it was ‘just a joke’. Well, I feel that’s what Women’s Day has been reduced to – just a joke!

To start with, are we supposed to celebrate Women’s Day or observe it? If we are supposed to celebrate it, then we in India have been celebrating womanhood for thousands of years. So what’s the big fuss about? If it is supposed to be observed as a day where we contemplate and resolve to better the status of women, then why haven’t we succeeded in simply making life better for women despite celebrating womanhood for thousands of years?

Yes, it is easy to say that present-day women have it better than the ones who existed in the past. But is it enough? Is it enough that they go to work and parties? That they can choose their careers and partners? That they can enter traditionally male domains like defense and airlines? That they have access to contraception and can choose the number of children they want to bear? Is that why we earmark a particular day on the calendar as Women’s Day?

Then why is it that even today any random guy can rape an innocent girl without an iota of fear in his heart? Simple, because in the deepest patriarchal recesses of our hearts, many of us still don’t treat them as equals.

How else does one justify the rape of a foreign national at her own home in Bandra by a small-time crook? How could one rape a girl in a moving bus? How does one explain the rape of a woman in India every 20 minutes? And where does a Woman’s Day stand in response to this barbarism?

We are hypocrites. Our age-old adage starts with ‘Mata’, then proceeds to ‘Pita, Guru and Deivam’; incidentally our favourite expletive too starts with ‘madar@#$!’ The same race that has worshipped man and woman as equal in the form of Ardhanarishwara have pushed many a woman in her late husband’s funeral pyre. Many of us ogle shamelessly at other woman but believe in covering up our wife in a burqa or a ghoonghat. The Indian woman is the Goddess who needs to be appeased and at the same time the sacrificial lamb that gets  butchered. Similarly many men pay lip service to Women’s Day only because they know that the remaining 364 days belong to them.

I wait for the day when we won’t need a particular day to celebrate womanhood because that is the true measure of equality. Till then we have nothing to be proud of because it is just a Women’s Day in a Man’s World.

Prashant Shankarnarayan is a mediaperson who is constantly on the lookout for content and auto rickshaws in Mumbai. The Soft Coroner attempts to dissect situations that look innocuous at the surface but reveal uncomfortable complexities after a thorough post mortem.

(Picture courtesy charteredbanker.com)

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To all the sentimental ‘ban’atics

This being banning season, Prashant Shankarnarayan compiles a list of the things and the people he wants to outlaw forever.

The situation – Yet again another series of bans.

The observation: Our sentiments could be considered careless and weak because they seem to be getting hurt left, right and center. So much so that bans are being demanded, ordered and granted like the free masala puri at a chaat stall.  Will these upholders of sentiments ever realise that if everybody starts banning things around, they and their ilk would be out of business very soon? These ‘banatics’ have instilled confidence in me such that even I would love to ban a few things as they hurt my sentiments, for instance:

When three young girls from a certain State (from the rock band ‘Pragaash’, in the featured picture) are banned from singing and performing.

When other youngsters in the same State are armed with AK-47s instead of education and jobs.

When someone bans a movie citing their God has been portrayed in a negative light.

When someone believes that only his God is the best God.

When someone bans a book believing that it has offended his community.

When someone believes in a book so much so that it shapes one’s very idea of life.

When a random godman says that a girl on the verge of being raped should bow in front of the monster and call him her brother.

When people still believe in godmen and godwomen…and Gods.

When someone expects me to consider a 17-year-old rapist and murderer as a child.

When someone stresses on the human rights of the accused, ignoring those of the victim.

When people don’t lease out or sell their flats to members of a certain community.

When people don’t get out of their ghetto mentality.

When people blame Western culture for everything that’s wrong with their society.

When the same brag about their children being settled in the West.

When someone bans a painting on the grounds that his Gods and Goddesses were painted in the nude.

When the same person doesn’t think twice before insulting someone else’s God.

When someone equates religion with morality and benevolence with God.

When the same person believes that God expects us to fear him, else he will burn us in hell.

When someone believes in an unknown God, but doesn’t trust a known conscience.

When I know that despite wanting to ban Religion and God forever, I still believe in a person’s right to practice his/her faith freely simply because I am not a ‘banatic’!

Prashant Shankarnarayan is a media person who is constantly on the lookout for content and auto rickshaws in Mumbai. ‘Soft Coroner’ tries to dissect situations that look innocuous at the surface but reveal uncomfortable complexities after a thorough post mortem.

(Picture courtesy theage.com.au)

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Hijacking the Swami

Swami Vivekananda’s teachings are restricted to a few Hindus today – ironically, he believed in the goodness of all religions.
by Prashant Shankarnarayan | prashant@themetrognome.in

The situation – Today India celebrates the 150th birth anniversary of Swami Vivekananda

The observation: He was and probably still is the sole reason for a resurgence of pride in many Indians. Organisations across India are not only celebrating his 150th birth anniversary today but also commemorating the occasion by launching events throughout the year.

At the same time, it is unfortunate that these events are being looked upon as a ‘Hindu’ event commemorating a Hindu Swami. That is the biggest disservice one could do to a man who changed the way the world perceived India and its way of living. Swami Vivekananda has been hijacked by parties and organisations representing the Hindu way of life.

True, he was a practising Hindu or an Advaita Vedantist, to be specific, and everyone and his uncle knows that the Swami represented Hindusim in the Parliament of World religions in Chicago in 1893. But that is not his sole claim to fame. He was a Hindu who stood for the noble and according to him, workable, idea of a Universal Religion. As a non-religious and non-spiritual person, I have my reservations in accepting all that he preached, but the fact that he instilled a sense of pride in a race whose dignity was crushed under the yoke of foreign rule is what makes me look at him with sheer awe and respect.

That is why I cringe when I see Swami Vivekananda’s image on the stage of an RSS or BJP event. Not that they don’t have the right to display his image, but unfortunately they seem to be the only ones sporting it. And even the public seems to have accepted it. How I wish that his teachings were laid bare to every Indian and surely one would realise that he stood for the best and against the worst in every religion. He was a social reformer who fought against taboos, superstitions, medieval attitudes and religious extremism of every kind without losing out on his religious identity.

For instance, he mentioned that the excellence of Mohammedanism lies in the fact that Islam makes all its followers equal ,such that if an American Indian were to convert to Islam then even the Sultan of Turkey would dine with him without any objections. This is obviously an exaggerated example, but it clearly reflects that the idea of universal brotherhood that Islam stresses on was not lost on him. He further states that all the other aspects in Islam about heaven, afterlife, etc. are accretions indicating that they shouldn’t be taken seriously. Cut to the present age. It seems that the bigoted Islamic extremists have taken a penchant to the latter aspect even as they wage a holy war against kafirs.

On Hinduism, he mentioned in his speech at the Parliament of World Religions that, “I am proud to belong to a religion which has taught the world both tolerance and universal acceptance. We believe not only in universal toleration, but we accept all religions as true. I am proud to belong to a nation which has sheltered the persecuted and the refugees of all religions and all nations of the earth.” Compare this with the rabid speeches of Hindu fundamentalists who threaten to persecute minorities, conveniently forgetting their past glory.

The ignorance about Swami Vivekananda is not restricted to rabble-rousing netas. I often see Internet trolls picking his statements randomly to defame minorities. This is utterly absurd because the opinion that one can generate after reading his works is that he has reserved the most scathing as well as the highest respect for every religion. He criticised the Hindus’ caste system as the forceful proselytisation by Islam. As he himself commented, “Nothing makes us so cruel as religion and nothing makes us so tender as religion”.

Just because I read some of his works doesn’t mean that I believe in everything he believed in. I have never been able to programme myself to believe in Karma or private revelations by God reserved only for a few prophets and such ideas. I personally don’t believe that one has to be religious or even spiritual to be a good human being, but in a predominantly religious society like India, the Swami still shines across as a lone beacon when it comes to injecting a sense of Indian pride.

And he derived his pride from an ancient culture that no doubt developed with the establishment of Advaita vedanta, Jaina, Buddhism, etc. but then later benefited from immensely significant contributions of Muslims, Parsis and other religions. He even said that its better to be an atheist than to be a religious fool.

Hindu leaders who misuse him as a poster boy for Hinduism are as much at fault as the Muslim clerics or other religious leaders who ignore his contributions considering him as just another Indian godman or baba. In a way, he was India’s first superstar. The first one who made the West stand up and take note of the lofty treasures that India had to share with the world. His idea of a ‘Vedanta Brain and Islam Body’ would bode well for us in an age when Hindu and Muslim panchayats are banning cell phones for women to prevent rape. We need someone like the Swami to help religious Indians retain the essence of their religion and flush out the nonsense. For the rest of us, rationality and science works just fine.

Prashant Shankarnarayan is a media person who is constantly on the lookout for content and auto rickshaws in Mumbai. ‘Soft Coroner’ tries to dissect situations that look innocuous at the surface but reveal uncomfortable complexities after a thorough post mortem.

(Picture courtesy geteasyway.com)

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Un-justification

Prashant Shankarnarayan is stunned to discover that seemingly educated, modern Indians still have a million justifications for why rapes happen.

The situation – My colleague trying to decipher the reasons behind the Delhi rape case.

The observation – The Delhi rape case has shaken everybody who possesses even an iota of conscience. But my colleague’s reasoning for the rape shocked me as much as the news of the rape.

This is his take on the Delhi rape case:

“What happened was completely wrong, but such incidents happen because of the general attitude of Delhi women. The average Delhi girl is a nymphomaniac, unlike other Indian women and hence, Delhi guys are used to getting action.” (He even gave an example about how a schoolgirl used to approach his colleague in Delhi for sex. How all that Delhi women want is sex, sex and more sex!) Hence men, who are used to an environment where they are usually guaranteed regular sex, go wild when they are deprived of it. This, in turn, affects innocent women.”

Now this is his take on the recent Mumbai rape case of a foreigner:

“Well, that too happened for a simple reason. The government shut down the dance bars. There were many men who used to throng these dance bars to satiate their lust but now that they don’t have this outlet, they are targeting any woman they come across.”

Sadly and wrongly, my colleague conveniently put the burden of rape on women, but what shocked me is the scale of reasoning. So far we have heard the usual justifications for atrocities on women; that they wear short clothes and incite men, they have no business walking alone at night, they shouldn’t have ventured in that notorious locality in the first place, and they have become too independent and hence irreverent. But this is a whole new level.

The first statement shamelessly supports rape, and the second one supports trafficking and prostitution. In this case, the Delhi rape victim was not alone and it wasn’t late at night when the incident occurred. Hence, when you can’t blame the rape victim with the usual justifications, you must blame other women in general for bringing such a fate upon themselves, right? Else blame the institution for stopping women from becoming dancing objects of lust. And just like him, many other men have their own pet justifications for the existence of rape in society. So what is this fuzzy logic?

That just because we knew about one or two promiscuous women, it gives us a right to justify an innocent girl’s heinous rape? Or just because the government shut our dance bars we have a right to feel wronged and punish innocent women for the same?

The notable part is that my colleague is a decent guy, faithful to his wife, a loving father to his daughter, and I don’t remember him ever being a letch. This is exactly why women feel helpless, because sometimes, even the most educated men with liberal upbringing nurture certain reservations about women when it comes to such extreme cases.

There were many cases of women, including reporters, being molested outside India Gate during the mass protest against rape. Not so long ago, Mumbai’s policewomen were molested and their rifles were snatched by a mob that was protesting against the Bodo atrocities on Muslims. These are just two incidents that show women’s vulnerability, which is a slap on our face.

Many a time, I feel ashamed to be an Indian but sometimes I feel ashamed to be an Indian male. In a country where even educated men who don’t hail from a feudal society harbour such notions about rape victims, then what does the future hold for us?

To finish off rape we need to stop justifying rape. Candle light protests and banning tinted glasses on buses won’t change anything. Fast track courts for rape and even imposing capital punishment will punish the rapists faster, but not necessarily end the very gory concept of rape. The sick mentality to rape a woman is a condition.

And this condition could be curbed by identifying certain symptoms. Symptoms like a father abusing his wife in front of their child, an elder brother proudly indulging in eve teasing, a mother admonishing the daughter for being harassed instead of slapping the harasser. Nipping these innocuous looking things in the bud will go a long way in tackling rape.

Rape will be curbed by imposing strict laws, but it will be neutralised only by imposing strict discipline. It’s disheartening to see how a few men go to such wild extremes to justify rape. Not that they support the rapist, but they always manage to find a reason to justify rape’s existence in society.

Why is it so difficult to know that rape has no justifications? Nay, Na, Illai, Nahin, Naahi, Illa….

Prashant Shankarnarayan is a media person who is constantly on the lookout for content and auto rickshaws in Mumbai. ‘Soft Coroner’ tries to dissect situations that look innocuous at the surface but reveal uncomfortable complexities after a thorough post mortem.

(Picture courtesy 965malls.com)

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Astro-i-logical predictions

There are astrologers who can tell us how planets affect our pets. What’s next? Auspicious marriage dates for our pooches?
by Prashant Shankarnarayan | prashant@themetrognome.in

The situation – A newspaper article on astrology for pets!

The observation: Disclaimer – please skip this paragraph if you’re turned off by gross imagery. At the outset, let me say that I humbly believe astrology is something that gushes out of a bull’s posterior. Even that would be unfair on the bovine, as dung is recycled, but astrology is non-degradable. But when I read an article on astrology for pets in a newspaper (that could also double up as toilet paper), I realised why the Mayans predicted that the world would end this very December – because human thought has reached its lowest ebb.

The article goes on to mention that pet owners in Mumbai are seeking astrologers to understand the personality of their pet cats and dogs. This profound observation is authenticated by the quotes of a few astrologers who vouch that our planets and their capricious quirks affect animals as much as they affect humans.

What a load of bollocks! If an advanced alien species were to read this PR plug masquerading as an article, it would just delete its plan of meeting humans from its bucket list. Even I don’t want to be associated with such a dumb species any more.

The worst is we are not only dumb, but arrogantly so! How dare we presume that we are so significant to the universe that it has no other job but to influence our life and that of our pets? Know this once and for all – we are insignificant. The universe has been around for the past 13.7 billion years, and our planet is around 4.5 billion years old. Life decided to show up hardly 3.7 billion years ago, and anatomically modern humans evolved around 2,00,000 years back. Astrology is just a few thousand years old. This simply indicates that the universe has existed almost its entire lifetime without humans, and will continue to exist even if we possibly go extinct.

So forget about fixing suhag raat mahurats for horny Chihuahuas, because the universe doesn’t care if we exist or not. Of course the sun, moon and gravity influence our surroundings and cause tides and seasons, thereby influencing the physical existence of living beings. This might even affect our personal lives, like a wedding witnessing a lower turnout because of rains, but it is utter haughtiness and foolishness to assume that it also determines whether one will opt for a love marriage or an arranged marriage.

Even worse is to consult an astrologer on whether one should pet a Labrador or a dung beetle. Even gibberish comes with its defenders, and I’ve met many who ask why we blame astrology when even modern science sometimes fails to predict natural disasters. But name a single mass disaster that an astrologer has ever averted so far? Zilch. A few people might say that science doesn’t explain everything, but these people don’t believe in astrological observations and methods hailing from other cultures. You will rarely see a Japanese family matching kundalis, or a Hindu family observing the year of the dragon. If one compares this with science, the law of gravity works uniformly for Hindus, Chinese, animals and even inanimate objects.

A few days ago, my colleague was blankly walking around in office. An astrologer had told him, “You will be dead by 2013, and even if you survive; you will be gone by 2015.” Ignorant and escapist people like us who allow ourselves to be fooled by such clairvoyants. We want solutions to our problems, and that is where a soothsayer steps in, claiming to give us solutions. With due credit to astrology, it was probably the first attempt at astronomy by the human mind, but it’s an obsolete one.

It is a shame that even in this day and age, we pit astrology against science. That a person armed with a load of trash in the name of the occult is even compared to a hardworking person of science who has worked diligently over the years to come up with genuine answers, is a blot on human society.

Sheer desperation makes helpless farmers marry off frogs, hoping to invoke the rain gods, whereas sheer indulgence is what makes flashy socialites take their pets to astrologers. This shows that common sense eludes the rich as much as it eludes the poor. We have evolved as a species because we can work our way out of problems. If our ape-like ancestors had placed a Laughing Buddha idol in their caves, or offered a burning wick in front of Shani Bhagvan to combat the hungry tiger waiting outside, then you are free to reason if we have evolved or not.

Prashant Shankarnarayan is a mediaperson who is constantly on the lookout for content and auto rickshaws in Mumbai. ‘Soft Coroner’ tries to dissect situations that look innocuous at the surface, but reveal uncomfortable complexities after a thorough post mortem. (Featured image courtesy blog.jokeroo.com)

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