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Let’s talk about arranged marriages

Why are our ideas of ‘progress’ prompting us to think that a love marriage is superior to an arranged one?
Jatin Sharmaby Jatin Sharma

An arranged marriage is not a taboo.

It is said that it is a mark of a free society when individuals have the right to take their own decisions and make their own choices. Yes, very much. And after seeing the headline of this column, if you’re thinking that I’m going to run down the entire concept of ‘arranged marriage’, you are wrong. I personally don’t think entering into an arranged marriage is that much of a crime.

I am 27. I am at an age where most people are either already married, or are asking me when I will marry. If you are unmarried at this age and what’s worse, single, you may even have to field questions such as, “Are you straight?”. But nothing beats the ultimate discussion when people get to know that I am okay with an arranged marriage. Even more stunning for them is when I tell them that I have registered myself on an online matrimonial site and I am looking for suitable girls for an arranged match.

My experience with most of these types is that they just can’t believe I would opt for something like an arrange marriage. I’m sure most people think I’m some kind of loser; “Arre! How can you want an arranged marriage?”, “An arranged marriage for a Mumbaikar? Don’t you know love marriage is a trend here?” are two questions racing through their heads, if they haven’t had the courtesy of actually refraining from asking me the same outright.

arranged marriageI am okay with the idea of looking to find marital bliss and love with a stranger. If you don’t agree with me, that’s too bad. I feel that arranged marriages and love marriages are two sides of the same coin. Finally, it doesn’t matter which one is being chosen. Of course, there are people who find amazing partners who go on to become their life partners, but then there are some who don’t mind arranging a marriage, too.

Being on an online matrimonial site is a good tool to mock people. But why? If you can use online sites to date people and flirt with them, why can’t you use them to get married? Of course, I’ve had my fair share of people on these site who are interested in their ‘carriers’ and who go for satsangs every day, but that doesn’t make them any less desirable. There is every chance of finding a suitable person online possibly spending the rest of your lives with them.

In today’s day and age, arranged marriages are considered regressive, and most times, the perception is that the two people coming together in an arranged marriage have had no say in the matter. Most of us look down upon it because we equate it to ‘marrying a stranger’. But the truth is that there are couples that become strangers after being together for years. After all, didn’t all of us fall in love at least once in our lives with people who used to be strangers? A marriage is an institution which needs two understanding people, and to hell with whether those people came together through a love or an arranged marriage.

So let’s not make a big deal out of this arranged marriage thing, okay? If we are progressive enough in everything else, let’s be progressive enough to accept that others’ ideas of marriage may be different to ours – even if that idea involves marrying a stranger. It’s fine to scout for a marriage partner. It is not mandated that you shall love each other for 10 years before getting married. I think a year of courtship is pretty cool, too.

Jatin Sharma is a media professional who doesn’t want to grow up, because if he grows up, he will be like everybody else. ‘Overdose’ is his weekly take on Mumbai’s quirks and quibbles.

(Pictures courtesy www.bubblews.com, confrontinglove.com. Images are used for representational purpose only)

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Tommy has a request

Jatin SharmaJatin Sharma reprints a written request from a canine acquaintance, in view of Diwali that will soon be upon us.

This week I apologise to all of you because I have not written a column. Instead, I have just typed out a letter I received from a dog. Yes, I know it would have been believable if I had said that the letter came from a pigeon or a dove. We have seen them delivering letters and there’s even a famous Hindi film song vouching for their good postal skills. But I kid you not – I really received this letter from a dog.

This dog is a stray who meets me every morning when I leave for office. Sometimes I look into his eyes and I can see him mutely apologising to me, and when I see the wet tyres of my car, I know why. Yesterday, this same dog came up to me and delivered a letter. This is what it said:

LETTER FROM TOMMY (that’s what Indian people like to call me)

‘Hello,
I am Tommy. I am a stray dog from Andheri East. First of all, I want to say ‘thank you’ to all of those staying in JB Nagar, Andheri East for providing me with food every day. Thank you for the rotis and biscuits that you feed me every time I give you guys a sorry look. It has been amazing chasing your cars and bikes, and I love how you guys are startled every time I spring out at you and bark violently. I just do it for fun. I really never wanted to hurt you guys. You know there is not much we can do as dogs. We just eat and roam around. So we don’t have many activities to kill time.

I am writing this letter to Jatin Sharma, as I know he works with the media and writes a column too (that most people ignore). So I am writing this letter to get him to know my views. I hope he makes this go viral. I mean, imagine a dog writing a letter (!), it will definitely get some ‘shares’. But I didn’t write this letter only to chit-chat: I had a selfish reason.

dogs terrified on diwaliI am scared. Petrified, actually, because I hear Diwali is round the corner.

Yes yes, I know about Diwali being the best festival of India, but you people go a little overboard with the festivities. I know it’s also the most important festival that is about lights and new dresses and bursting crackers. But this Diwali I have a request; a request that only asks you to think of me. Every festival has a way to celebrate. It’s a celebration of life, we too have a dog festival where on a full moon day, we keep chasing cars after getting drunk. But we never intend to harm any one of you. Yes, we do bite you sometimes, but you can take that as a revenge for kicking us for without a reason.

So getting to the point, please please please don’t burst crackers near residential areas. I am not asking you to stop bursting crackers. I am just asking you to take me into consideration. I have very sharp ears, and because of that, any sound is magnified twice when I hear it. When you burst crackers, just be considerate. I have a life, too.

Diwali is a festival of lights. All the simple rituals of Diwali have a significance and a story to tell. The lighting of homes with lights and of the skies with firecrackers is an expression of respect to the heavens for the attainment of health, wealth, knowledge, peace and prosperity. Some people believe that the bursting of fire-crackers indicates the joy that people living on earth, making the Gods aware of their plentiful state. Another possible reason, albeit a more scientific one, is that the fumes produced by the crackers kill a lot of insects and mosquitoes, which are found in plenty after the rains. But the second reason doesn’t really hold true in an age where you have vaporisers, mosquito mats and killing raquets to kill mosquitoes.

Could you please not burst crackers this year? We dogs get scared on the nights that crackers are burst non-stop, and we don’t know what to do. The sight of fire and the loud sound thatcrackers it makes, makes it very difficult for us. We meet with accidents and lose our sense of direction because of all this. Last Diwali, I had to go to a doctor – I had started defecating without my knowledge and had also become very aggressive. The doctor said that it was due to post-Diwali cracker stress.

Once again I request you to please think of us dogs before you fire a cracker this year. If we dogs and other household pets seem useless to you, then at least spare a thought for asthamatic human patients who go through hell during the days of Diwali.

If you promise to support us and not burst crackers this year, then I will ask all the stray dogs around not to chase after your bikes and bite you. I am now signing off because I see somebody throwing a frisbee and I have to go catch it.

Regards,
Tommy Bow Wow’

Jatin Sharma is a media professional who doesn’t want to grow up, because if he grows up, he will be like everybody else. ‘Overdose’ is Jatin’s weekly take on Mumbai’s quirks and quibbles.

(Pictures courtesy gratefuldogsrescue.org, www.chicagonow.com, www.visithyd.com)

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Sachin for Bharat Ratna

As the God of cricket pads up for retirement, a fan congratulates the legend despite a personal sense of loss.
Jatin Sharmaby Jatin Sharma

India’s Bharat ratna is going to retire soon. No, don’t even start on whether Dada is the greatest, or The Wall the strongest, or Kapil Dev the biggest achiever. Till my last breath, like a million others, I will say Sachin is our true Bharat ratna.

The Man from Mumbai, the boy who became a man at the age of 16 when he played against Pakistan, the man who scored a 100 centuries, the man who broke every possible record and the man who created the only religion in the world that united people rather than dividing them – wouldn’t you say he is truly the greatest?

I was born in 1986 and he started playing cricket a year later in 1987. Since the time I remember, I have not seen an international Indian Playing XI that did not have Sachin Tendulkar in it. My growing up years were defined by Sachin’s theatrics on the field, and it was truly a blessing to watch him play. So it’s a little unsettling to imagine a playing side without Sachin in it.

This Mumbai boy definitely deserves to get a Bharat Ratna for the joy he has given us for so long. And he deserves the Bharat Ratna not just Man from Mumbaifor his cricketing skills but for the sportsmanship and dedication he has displayed all through his career.

I was once interviewing actor Abhishek bachchan, when he spoke of Sachin Tendulkar with great pride and fondness. He had said, “Sachin and my father are similar to each other in lot of ways. And that’s why both have achieved greatness in their lives. They are highly disciplined and still feel that they can learn something new every day.” He described an incident where there was a celebratory function with a bevy of cricketers and Bollywood stars in attendance. “All the cricketers were enjoying the show and having fun, and so was Sachin. But after half an hour he looked at his watch. It was 10 pm, so he quietly moved out of the venue, saying he has to be on the field the next day. The next day he had a practice match!”

As a child too, he would practice his game for eight hours a day. He owned only two pairs of pants, so he got used to playing cricket with his pockets still wet from the previous wash.

I can’t think of another cricketer who gave us all such unbridled joy, who made us all so proud, who upheld the standards of his beloved game so well. Sachin is probably the only batsman who comes to mind when we think of pure, classy cricket – can you think of any other player who walks off the field despite knowing that the umpire’s Out decision was wrong, or who still walked off it when the umpire gave him a Not Out?

Sachin keeps getting criticised for chasing records, for playing only for himself and not for the whole team. To all those who truly believe this, I say: you are idiots. While those records were being made or broken, he was doing his job of making runs and even taking wickets when needed. And why grudge him his records? It’s not like he stopped playing the moment he set a new record, though the team needed more runs. Only a cricketer truly in love with the game can create a record, and to create so many…Sachin tells his own story through his career. For everyone who has played cricket in his life, even at the galli level, knows how satisfying it is to hold a record. A record is not a bad word in any sport. It doesn’t mean you are going to throw your wicket the moment your record is created.

Sachin bids adieuAnd he seems much above these petty discussions of records and personal glory, with his achievements going far beyond simply winning matches. This man won our hearts. He won hearts the world over. I have an Australian friend who says that he used to pray about Australia winning and Sachin Tendulkar not getting out in a match against Australia. I’m sure there are others like him all over the world, rooting for their home teams but actually rooting for the little man from Mumbai.

Our city bid adieu to its favourite God last month, not knowing at the time that another goodbye to another God was imminent so soon. This God’s name is Sachin Tendulkar and he will play his last test match in Mumbai against the West Indies. And even before he takes to the field, he will make another record there too: of being the first God to ever retire in this world.

Jatin Sharma is a media professional who doesn’t want to grow up, because if he grows up, he will be like everybody else. ‘Overdose’ is Jatin’s weekly take on Mumbai’s quirks and quibbles.

See also: ‘Heartbreak of the year’

(Pictures courtesy downloadhdwallpaper.com, sportzwiki.com, www.indianexpress.com)

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How to use Marathi in Mumbai

Using a few simple Marathi sentences in Mumbai can get your work done, even swing popular opinion in your favour.
Jatin Sharmaby Jatin Sharma

It is true that you really can’t get by without knowing Marathi in Mumbai.

Languages were created by man for the purposes of communication. But as time passed by, languages transformed and developed their own personalities and individual identities. Languages became more than just a thought translated into words.

Sadly, as languages evolved, they also devolved into something else – they became tools to stereotype, and also an instrument to measure superiority.

In Mumbai, we see a mix of languages, but the one language that is in the news on and off is Marathi. This language has been the cornerstone of great literature and theatre in the 1970s, it became the flashpoint during the Sanyukta Maharashtra movement in the 1960s, it eventually became the language of choice for the city’s trader class. In a cosmopolitan mix of communities – you name it, the community is present and thriving in Mumbai – Marathi somehow held a firm grip on the city.

And today, knowing this language also gets the job done in Mumbai. It is no secret that knowing Marathi in Mumbai helps your files move Marathifaster in Government offices. If you break a traffic rule, your overall penalty can be reduced with the use of a smile and a Marathi line: “Saheb maaf kara, mala jau dya (Sir, forgive me, please let me go)”. This line will, more often than not, result in a change of heart of the traffic policeman who will let you go after a warning in Marathi. Speaking in Marathi is so useful in escaping punishment after flouting traffic rules, that I have started believing that the fine you pay to the Traffic Police is inversely proportional to how much Marathi you know.

The first task that is a must for anyone in Mumbai looking to get their official documentation done is to learn Marathi. Start by learning a few sentences like, “Saheb, lavkar kara na (Sir, please speed it up)”, “Saheb, kuthe jau? (Sir, where should I go?)”, “Saheb, hey form kuthe deu? (Sir, where should I submit these forms?)”. Trust me, these are magic lines that will get you a swift reply. It is astounding, contrasted with the many times I have gone to Government offices and asked a question a million times in Hindi, only to see the official I am speaking to continue to bury himself in his files. I used to wonder if their ear drums were soundproof; then I spoke in Marathi and the official always looked up and answered.

Marathi also comes in handy when you’re looking to quickly build support during a public fight on a Mumbai street. Whether you are travelling in the train or arm wrestling with each other in the bus, it’s Marathi to the rescue. Many times when I have found myself in the middle of a fight, and when I’ve sensed that my opponent has an edge, I’ve simply dropped in a few Marathi words and prayed to God that he does not speak Marathi, too. And as if by magic, the use of something like “Gardi aahe, kay karnar? (It’s crowded, what can one do?” has resulted in most of the onlookers turning in my favour.

Marathi BolaI’ve come to realise that using Marathi can be quite a lifesaving tactic in Mumbai. I employ the language at various places to get my work done faster. Believe it or not, Marathi even helps me get a vada pav faster than others at a stall.

It’s something to ponder on, this Marathi in Mumbai. The way it converts thoughts into words, they way it gets a faster response to a question, the way it makes me more acceptable to a crowd, the way it makes me look into myself and others, the way it gets me respect in the eyes of other Marathi speakers, and the way it sometimes tears me apart.

This is truly a language that helps us aam aadmis connect. And these days, it is helping me get my Aadhar card made.

Jatin Sharma is a media professional who does not want to grow up, because if he grows up, he will be like everybody else.

(Pictures courtesy www.xtimeline.com, www.123rf.com, ekmarathimanoos.blogspot.com)

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Metro pe mat ro

Should we keep wondering when the Mumbai Metro will commence? Or should we give it up as a bad dream?
Jatin Sharmaby Jatin Sharma

I have wasted months of my life navigating traffic in this city. So have most of you.

It’s quite difficult to dream in a city that never sleeps. Mumbai has been time and again quoted as the city that never sleeps (although Dhoble made it turn in early and sleep). And dreaming in this city is a luxury that only the elite can afford. Most dreams that even Average Joes have in our films – the dream for a house in a posh locality, a swanky car (never mind the potholes), school admission in high profile schools, travelling to work hassle-free – have all become impossible dreams for most of us.

But one dream we dreamed a few years ago belonged to us and us alone. The Metro Project commenced in Mumbai in February 2008, with the promise that a commute of 90 minutes would be reduced to a mere 20 minutes for all of us. For the first time, we began to see that the city would soon look and behave like a bustling city should look and behave like. We waited with bated breath as the project progressed and years passed, dreaming of the time we would reach work quickly and be home as quickly to spend time with our families each evening.

But the dream is in tatters today, with no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Where is the Metro? Is it near completion? What does it speak of us as a city, the financial capital of India, that we still don’t have a Metro?

To put the delay in perspective, consider this: the Bengaluru Metro (namma Metro) too started work at about the same time as the Mumbai Metro, and even after a delay of 19 months, it started running in October 2011. Jaipur city had its trial run in a record two years, nine months and their Metro will be operational by March 2013. Delhi, of course, has its own Metro.

Yes, there was a trial run for the Metro in Mumbai. But for those who are hopeful of the Metro’s commencement based on this trial run, let me tell you that it was an eyewash. Do you Mumbai Metroknow that that trial run happened without a railway safety certificate? No no, please don’t go looking for a wall to bang your head on. You can do that post you read this: Mumbai Metro started with a project of Rs. 2,356 crore, and now the estimated project cost has gone up to Rs. 4,321 crore. Now you can go looking for that wall.

All the delays first happened because several approvals and clearances were not in place. What is surprising is that the most beautiful dream of Mumbai has been delayed because there were certain unmapped utilities that were found underground. Although Mumbai has been known to have unmapped utilities, I am sure this isn’t the only city in the country to have those. The whole idea of the Metro was to ease congestion, but by the time it is truly operational, its presence would make no difference because the city would have grown manifold. Even now there are a number of offices and projects mushrooming around the Metro stages, with estate brokers telling clients, “The Metro is coming up, you better buy it now or the prices will touch the sky.”

Meanwhile, we sit and watch the work not in progress. These delays are costing us our money. My issue with the whole Metro fiasco is, that more often than not, the best technology is employed on projects here, and that is nothing less than we deserve. So what’s the problem? I was amazed when a staircase of the Metro gave way and killed a construction worker, and even that was not a big deal. Nothing connected to the Metro seems serious now, for a project that has been going its own way from the start. All most of us can see by way of the fabled Metro are concrete pillars over which, some day, the trains will run.

CM flags off MetroThe only promptness we’ve seen on the Metro comes from politicians who periodically announce that the Metro would be operational this May 1 or August 15 or January 26 – they are really particular about these dates, like it’s some movie release. And as these dates do the rounds, we look up and see these pillars alone. So what is it? Is this project no longer relevant to the Government or are the end users not relevant? Come on, tell us. After being caught in massive traffic snarls over a project that is still not operational, we can take it.

Jatin Sharma is a media professional who doesn’t want to grow up, because if he grows up, he will be like everybody else.

(Pictures courtesy www.deccanchronicle.com, www.mumbai-metro.com, www.thehindubusinessline.com)

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India whining

From inflation to the crashing economy to rising crime, everything is making us weep. But are things really so dire?
Jatin Sharmaby Jatin Sharma

What is India doing at the moment?

Today everybody is on panic mode as the economy is crashing. As the nation that was once shining is now whining; whining at its bad governance, whining at its law and order (or lack of it) and whining about everything else. Today, India doesn’t look good either on paper or in form. Once a country that was supposed to fight with the fabled Dragon to its North, is now set afire by its own mistakes.

Let’s face it, things are looking rather dire at the moment, so there really is lots to whine about. For many of us, going from one day to the next has become an unending hurdle race, as the sliding rupee makes life hell for most and difficult for everyone else. Add to that the rising crime across the country, the rampant corruption across all sectors, and the state of the economy, and you are sitting on a cesspool of a situation.

And in the midst of this gloom, if a foreign economist says that the Indian economy is not in an extremely bad shape and it will bounce back, rising crimewe will readily believe him and cling on to his words, quoting him to our friends and families. But when an Indian economist says the same (and some already have), we dismiss his or her words as drivel.

Like everyone else, I too ponder on several things that matter to all of us. And I have been seeing a disturbing trend, one that is innate to our psyche as Indians: we want validation of our existence from the outside world. We don’t believe in India and her potential because we don’t believe in anything that is India or Indian. No matter how cool Yoga was and continues to be be, we started practicing it only after the West thought it was cool and adopted it. It was such a sad thing that yoga was patented to the USA because we in India had forgotten it. Once its efficacy was proved in the USA, we all wanted to lose weight by doing Yoga. Now it is a Sec A form of exercise, and hence, very upper class.

Priyanka Chopra in ExoticOur peculiar mindset makes us decide on the value of things based on how ‘non-Indian’ it is. We may jump up and dance to Lady Gaga songs and not doubt her talent or the song’s merit, but the moment Priyanka Chopra makes a successful international debut as a singer, we become experts on how much of a non-singer she is. When Tata takes over Jaguar, we do not celebrate it for the big feat it is. When Infosys adds another feather to its cap, we are quick to point out that Infosys is an ‘exception’.

This same peculiarity makes us speak of Indians in the third person when we’re speaking to foreigners, or make a blog post go viral when it details how a white girl had several bad experiences in our country. But when another foreigner writes about how India treated her well, we just dismiss it with a, “Yeah, whatever!”

In our minds, we’ve never truly appreciated our Indianness. When the British wanted to rule India, or indeed any place that they eventually colonised, their strategy suggested that Indians could only be ruled if their spirit was broken, only if they despised their culture and everything it connected with. And here we are, still firmly in that trap, making the same mistakes.

We’ve all grown up hearing our elders say that if we believe in ourselves, the world will believe in us. But yet, our mindset prompts us to believe in ourselves only when somebody else shows belief in us. Isn’t that strange? We’re still so colonised, we have no faith in Indian products, however amazing they may be. And there are very few people in India who genuinely believe that our country is one of the best in the world. We are willing slaves and we produce our best work when we work for others, such as Microsoft, BMW, NASA, INTEL, Hotmail and Google. Imagine the results if we just turn that talent homewards and believe in ourselves a bit more.

But let me not keep you from your whining.

Jatin Sharma is a media professional who does not want to grow up, because if he grows up, he will be like everybody else.

(Pictures courtesy liveindia.tv, news.in.msn.com, www.indianexpress.com)

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