Author: The Metrognome

Categories
Big story

Unbreak your heart

Want to keep your sanity while going through a messy break-up? This city-based break-up helpline will help you move on.
By the Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Are you going through a bad breakup; moping about the house in day-old clothes and thinking that all that was best and brightest about the world dissolved in one heartbreaking moment? Did you contemplate suicide, and then head to bed to sleep off the nightmare? Looks like you hadn’t heard of www.breakuphelpline.com.

“We started this helpline in July this year because we wanted to lend a virtual shoulder to those who had suffered a break-up. The plan is to help a person tide over the heartbreak in a month’s time. We thought that our target audience would comprise young adults, but we started receiving e-mails from older age groups and senior citizens too. It is the only help line of its kind in the world,” claims Ankit (25), the brainchild behind this site.

“The logic driving it is simple – when you’re going through a break-up, your recovery might be quicker if you reach out to a stranger rather than a friend who cannot always offer you comfort and encouragement,” he explains.

Ankit should know. Over a year ago, his relationship with his then girlfriend ended. “After three bad weeks, I focussed on myself again,” he remembers. “I love to run, so I registered for the Mumbai Marathon and started training in earnest. I love to cook, so I spent a longer time in the kitchen. Slowly, the healing began,” he says.

But it was in December 2011 that the idea for the helpline fell into his lap – literally. “I was at the Kala Ghoda Festival for a book reading. The author was an IITian, and I anticipated a ChetanBhagat kind of story, but browsing through the book, I read one line where the protagonistponders, ‘I wish there was a breakup helpline.’ That got me thinking, as a breakup helpline would actually be a great idea!”

He sounded off the idea to a close friend and two other friends and they all felt that such a site had amazing potential. “There is so much pressure on you after a break-up. Questions such as ‘Can you still hang out with the group that your ex hangs out with?’,‘At what point do you avoid each other?’,‘Whose side are your friends on?’all of this only makes the person go into a shell. We thought, let’s give such people a chance to talk it out, and help them move on by just being there for them.”

Starting up

The term ‘help line’ conjures up images of rows of telephones manned by operators all talking at the same time, and Ankit and his crew – Ayushman, Nainy and Sandeep – also toyed with the idea of starting a call centre. “We finally settled on the Internet to get it running. I designed the site myself, and we tested it from February to July,” explains Ankit, the face of the company.

Ever since they started, they received increasing numbers of emails every day, and from the unlikeliest quarters. “There was a 66-year-old who contacted us, as also a class seven girl who was heartbroken over losing her boyfriend, a classmate. Older people deal with extra-marital affairs, divorces. They insist on direct meetings, since they are not always comfortable Skyping or e-mailing, but mostly everyone e-mails us,” says Ankit.

Dealing with it 

Two of the group’s members are psychologists, so tricky problems are dealt with in a scientific fashion. But mostly, the four trust their instincts. “It’s about common sense,” Ankit says. “You see a problem, you get the details, understand where the fault lies. Then you tell the person what you think of the issue,” he adds.

But it’s not as easy as writing to them and getting a solution. “People are cagey about sharing personal information. We respond to every e-mail within 24 hours,but we don’t directly jump at the problem because they are already in a fragile head space and a stranger probing too soon will only scare them off. We start the conversation on e-mail. We let them build their confidence about talking to us, ask them to tell us what their hobbies are, what they like, and we initially connect on that level,” he explains.

Entering the person’s comfort zone breaks the ice. “We get an overall view of their background, after theytell us briefly about the break upwe ask them: ‘Why did you break up? What happened?’ At this point, we receive a four- or five-page e-mail where they pour their hearts out,”Ankit says. He adds that people want confirmation on their actions. “A girl may have broken off a relationship, but she wants to know if she did the right thing. We analyse what happened. The emotional turmoil has to be resolved before the person can move on.”

They also receive e-mails from people hovering on the verge of a break up. “A girl wrote in saying that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend. We don’t advocate an immediate severing of the relationship because we are not jodi breakers. We ask them to talk it out with their partner, because communication is the most important component of any relationship. If all else fails, we tell them to move on from the person.”

A question of perspective

It’s not like opening a bag of instant solutions.“It’s a question of perspective. People who are breaking up or have broken up very well know what needs to be done, but they’re not able to get themselves to move on. We just ask them: ‘Do you think this relationship is workable for you? Do you really see yourself with this person in the future?’ It’s a hard decision to make, but it must be made, and we hold their hand when they make it,” he explains. Ultimately, he reasons, a person will do anything to get over the negativity he/she is experiencing, so he/she will go ahead with the plan made for them.

Want it done? Consider it done

It’s not just about answering e-mails or going on Skype to talk or meeting a person directly. “We’ve seen movies with people, gone out for art tours or wine tastings, even written to a woman who wanted to communicate only via written letters. Once a person in Gujarat wanted to fly a kite, so Nainy, who was in Kutch for work, bought a kite and went to meet him. Basically, they must go back to enjoying the things that they love.”

It doesn’t end there. Ankit elaborates, “After the one month of counselling is over, we send out mailers. We encourage people to even get back to us with new problems.” He adds, “Sometimes, we offer simple tips to get through the day, some easy things for the person to ponder over.”

Dealing with the negativity

The four have their own coping mechanisms to deal with the negative energy and emotions dumped on them daily. “I run, Nainy does suryanamaskars and Sandeep and Ayushman are big on yoga. Also, we don’t wallow in the negativity but we troubleshoot. At the end of the day, it is very satisfying to know that you are helping somebody take one step out of their current crisis. And it all becomes worthwhile when somebody writes in to say, ‘Thank you for starting this website,” Ankitgrins.

The help line, in short

– There are both free and customised packages, depending on what the person needs and demands

– The customised package costs Rs 2,500 for a month (please visit the website to see the services offered)

– Ankit, Sandeep, Ayushman or Nainy will deal with your case from start to finish

– Anyone from the country can contact the help line

– The team responds to requests and questions at any time of the day

– Be prepared to open up and accept that you have a problem. If you don’t, no amount of hand-holding will help.

Categories
Trends

Offers we can’t refuse

Indian shoppers are making a beeline for offers and bulk buying to save money. Mumbai shows 24% growth in modern trade.
By The Diarist | thediarist@themetrognome.in

Rising inflation, prices of essential commodities going up almost weekly, and incessant price shocks arising from increasing fuel prices, have all combined to put the Indian shopper to try and save as much money as he can. Naturally, shoppers are zeroing in on bulk buying and discounts like never before.

In a survey conducted recently by AC Nielsen India, titled ‘Understanding India’s new breed of shoppers’, the surveyors found an appreciable “uptick in deal-seeking behaviour, over half of shoppers (surveyed) now seek promotions.” The survey also reveals that a third of Indian shoppers choose bulk packs of commodities to beat the price rise.

Big deal

“The proportion of shoppers actively seeking offers in the stores they frequent has shot up from 39 per cent (in 2010) to 54 per cent, marking a sudden affinity for promotions at a time when shoppers are price-sensitive and retailers have succeeded in creating ‘deal-weeks’ as annual events that cater to a growing breed of bargain seekers,” the survey report says.

“An estimated one in six rupees spent on FMCG products is spent on items that are on offer. These offers may vary in nature and entice shoppers with additional volume for the same price, price discounts, ‘kind offers’ such as free gifts or a combination of these promotional tactics.

Shifting to modern trade outlets

Another interesting statistic is that Indian shoppers are rapidly making the shift from traditional shopping models (such as the neighbourhood kirana shop) to modern trade outlets such as hyper- and super-markets. Mumbai alone has seen a staggering jump in this trend – in the 2010-2011 survey period, our city showed a 24 per cent jump in modern trade growth. Mumbai was one of 17 key markets surveyed by AC Nielsen, and these markets constitute three-fourth of India’s modern trade sales.

“A comparison of long-term trends and a study of shopper behaviour reveals that the number of shoppers who visit Modern Trade (outlets) on a regular basis has doubled over a five-year period. And they are not simply strolling through the air-conditioned aisles – they are purchasing more than ever before as well. Today, about 21 per cent shoppers claim they spend more at Modern Trade than traditional trade, compared to 12 per cent five years ago,” the report says.

The Diarist is always on the lookout for new business trends. If you’ve noticed any unusual activity or have a statistic to share, write to thediarist@themetrognome.in.   

Categories
Patrakar types

Freedom of speech and all is okay, but you are a troll

Most people commenting on online content should not be allowed anywhere near the Internet even if it’s their dying wish.
by Vrushali Lad

Look, I’m all for freedom of speech. Much like I am all for power naps, provided the nap doesn’t span a period of four hours on a day when I have the choice to either hand in that news report or die.

Freedom of speech is great. It’s wonderful. Heck, who doesn’t want to say exactly what they want, without fear of being bunged into jail wearing long hair and black kurtas, shouting slogans for the news cameras? I, for one, am the absolute master of saying what I want, when I want. If I am on the treadmill next to yours and you’re ponging of several ripe guavas, I will make a face and pointedly use another treadmill. If you ask my honest opinion on a piece you’ve written and it, well, sucks, I won’t say it sucks, but I will say that it could do with not being published at all.

And I’m completely okay with you making a face and pointedly using another treadmill if I’m ponging of ripe guavas.

The problem starts when you give me unasked-for advice. The problem gets bigger when you shout out that advice on a public forum, and make specific references to my other job as a hooker (when I’m not pimping stuff through my articles, that is), my genitals, my complete lack of ethics as a reporter (‘These media people are all paid bastards!’), my choice of profession (‘Who made this bitch a journalist? These media people are all paid bastards!) and so on. It gets worse if the story is about the Congress party, even if you’ve written a completely neutral story about Rahul Gandhi’s recent visit to Mumbai.

As to this last, the headline the editors gave the story was a rather unfortunate one. Describing Rahul’s Mumbai visit as an effort to get demoralised Congress grassroots workers together as ‘Rahul digs deep to revive Congress in Maharashtra’ (or some such. They later changed the headline and deleted the offending comments) was a most unfortunate choice of words, both for Rahul and me. Before the website flagged down the offensive comments, several smartasses had referred to how deep Rahul had dug to get this particular reporter to write about him. And that was just the usual tone of the comments posted.

The worst was when I interviewed ACP Vasant Dhoble (he of the hockey stick fame), and expectedly, the story was commented on a lot. However, several of the comments, which showed an astounding faith in Dhoble’s style of functioning (‘Corrupt, sleazy Mumbai needs this kind of brave cop!’), ganged up on me in the worst way possible. Sample some of the feedback directed at me:

‘This Vrushali is sick and needs to be rescued’.

‘This journalist has written this article she is a prostitute whose dhanda is affected by the actions of this zealous and noble officer.’

‘These media people are angry because they go to drink and do sleazy activities after work, and now Mr Dhoble has stopped it. I salute you sir!’

‘Why this Vrushali Lad has written this article? What is her problem? Her parents did not teach her any morals, that she has to write all this nonsense about an upright officer who is doing his job.’

And to think, the interview itself was neutral to the point of being sterile. This time, I yelled at my editor and they had all the comments screened and the worst ones removed.

No, I love feedback, I really do. It gives my work a sense of validation. I like it when readers write to say that they found a particular story lacking in depth, or if they have a new angle to suggest. It helps me write better, and keeps me from becoming complacent.

No, I hate it if you’re going to sit on the other side of my computer screen, one hand typing and the other in your pants, as you come to your own profanities while you imagine me to be your worst/most desirable idea of sleaze in a skirt. I know, when you’re writing off my morals and my character and my upbringing and my ethics, that you’re wondering just how to get into my pants. Worse, when you’re actually accusing me of being an idiot who writes articles for the Congress after sleeping with Rahul Gandhi and taking money from him, your pea-sized brain is busily conjuring up images of a Casanova-style Rahul Gandhi in a roomful of paid women journalists, and nobody’s wearing anything.

I notice that these trolls restrict themselves to talking only about brain size when they’re abusing male journalists.

Dear abusers, most of you are idiots. Most of you are incapable of stringing two words together. Most of you learnt your spellings from the SMSes you send and receive, lolz. Most of you are prize losers with miniscule dicks that need constant validation by targeting people on the Internet. Most of you are furious that you are not getting any, that you only have the Facebook profiles of unsuspecting women to come to. Most of you are so terrified of actual bodily harm that the only time you’ll ever shout abuse at anyone is through a comment thread, and even then, you’ll sign in as Salman Khan.

And most of you, firmly believing that any writing about the Congress party is paid/financed by the Congress/published after several sexual favours by Rahul Gandhi, are vile monkeys who have not had a coherent opinion since the beginning of time. You, particularly, should be locked together in a room and made to watch Manmohan Singh speeches for a year.

You choose the Internet to be blunt and funny. How safe and macho you must feel, hiding in your closet and gleefully typing out all the expletives you learnt from your father. How knowledgeable, how profound your observations must sound to you, as deep as your knowledge is about the workings of the media and its lack of ethics. How closely you must have watched us journos go about our business, how skilfully you must’ve stalked us, if you know that we work only in exchange for money from politicians and make a living off kissing ass.

Yes, I love freedom of speech, and I use it within bounds. I disagree with the message, not its creator. But you, despicable waste of space that you are, even now you’re typing, ‘This Vrushali is a bitch with loose morals.’

Vrushali Lad was a freelance reporter who spent several years pitching story ideas to reluctant editors. Once, she even got hired while doing so. She can be contacted at vrushali@themetrognome.in.

Categories
Wellness

5 recent dumb products

Five products we recently discovered – and why our diarist thinks that their amusement value is higher than their usefulness quotient.
by The Diarist | thediarist@themetrognome.in

The world functions in extremes: if you have reason, you will also have irrationality. If there’s empathy, there is tremendous intolerance. If there is an Amitabh Bachchan, there is also a Shakti Kapoor.

And if there are chaddi-shaped diapers that are easy to wear (for your kid, that is), there are also stringy, complex bikinis that require forceps to get one out of. Presenting, five dumb products we recently discovered.

1. Clean and Clear Face Wash with bursting beads.
We confess, the only reason we went out in our frayed pyjamas and old man T-shirt to the neighbouring grocer on a Saturday, still too sleepy to notice that we had only one chappal on, was because somewhere in our subconscious minds had registered this face wash’s claim that it was a ‘morning alarm for the skin’. No, we didn’t keep a bottle of this face wash on our bedside tables and set it for 8 a.m. the next morning. Since our skin is perpetually oily, we bought the green apple variant (there is also lemon and berry).

Dumbness quotient: 4/5. Not only is the face wash nowhere close to waking up the user’s skin, it has the consistency of kachcha sugar syrup, so it flows out like nobody’s business when the bottle is tilted. And don’t even get us started on the bursting beads. It took some determined squeezing to get any of the beads to burst, and when they did, our palm was a graveyard of what looked like flattened pieces of green clay. Plus, one bead lodged itself firmly in our fingernail. Grrr.

2. Dove Face Wash
We normally like Dove products, especially their shampoos and conditioners. So we were really confident about their new face wash, considering that their soaps do exactly as they say: ‘Clean the skin without drying it.’ But alas! Whatay shock we were in for.

Dumbness quotient: 5/5. While Clean and Clear face wash made a prat of itself with its bursting beads that did not burst without a fight, Dove went the other extreme with a face wash that stripped our face of every bit of moisture, oil, and we suspect, our epidermis. We came out of the bath looking like heavily botoxed versions of ourselves, our face an endlessly taut expanse of shocked, dry skin.

3. Pepsodent Expert Protection toothpaste
All toothpastes are supposedly the ultimate solution to all dental woes. While one promises to keep your mouth germ-free for 12 hours, never mind that you had a gazillion cups of very sweet coffee in a day, apart from not rinsing your mouth after lunch, another promised to be sugar-free to give you good health (we’re still figuring this one out).

Then Pepsodent came out with a winner. No, they did not replace brand ambassador Shah Rukh Khan with somebody less annoying. They brought out a toothpaste that combined three dental cleaning functions in one tube of superhuman paste: it cleans, flosses (!) and finishes as a mouthwash. Given that it can floss as well, this toothpaste is so intelligent, it can easily be mistaken for a smartphone. This toothpaste is the shit. This toothpaste is the Chuck Norris of toothpastes.

Dumbness quotient: 4/5. Even the ad for this product is dumb. We mean, COME ON. Showing an entire army of people brushing, flossing and using mouthwash to illustrate the ideal sequence of events in oral hygiene is too much. It is presumptious and insulting to the point of being a Rohit Shetty film. Also, we took issue with how the toothpaste knows exactly how to follow this sequence. We mean, what if it flosses before it cleans? Or if it forgets to activate the mouthwash component in it? The paste itself was not bad, but then, it was only glitzier and better packaged than the other Pepsodent toothpastes on sale.

4. Hafele Single Pull Out Electric-Open Waste Bin
What a great idea this is! Nudge it and it opens. Hit it and it opens. Your dog sniffs at it and it opens. Soon, warming up to this game, it opens when you merely look in its direction.

Dumbness quotient: 5/5. We love it! Not. It’s all very well to have your kachre ka dabba let itself be pushed around so blatantly, but it drove us nearly up the wall to have it open even when we were trying to open something else. And, correct us if we’re wrong, but don’t most dog owners spend half their lifetimes thinking up new ways to keep their dogs away from the garbage pail? This product can also divert the most bored child, but do you really want your toddler to be able to get his hands
into garbage that easily? (pic shows the foot pedal variant)

5. Parachute Advansed Hot Oil
This is not a new product, but Parachute has recently started advertising it again in earnest. This oil takes away the effort of actually warming your hair oil before massaging it on to your head. It works on the assumption that friction will cause the oil to warm up and thus seep into the scalp faster.

Dumbness quotient: 5/5. The oil did not warm up at all. Come to think of it, we’ve never heard of self-warming oils. It has a pleasant fragrance, but that’s about it. Disappointed that no warming occurred even after a thorough massage, we gave it a second chance and warmed it over our gas stove and used it twice a week for a month. After all, it contains hibiscus and stuff. After a month of diligent usage, we were still shedding the same amount of hair. After being really excited about using this oil and then finding that it does nothing useful, we gained a new perspective into the story of the Emperor with the new clothes.

The Diarist is a product junkie, and if you’re reading this, chances are you are too. If you’ve noticed any new products worth looking into, write to thediarist@themetrognome.in.

Categories
Big story

14th time lucky

Bombay Gymkhana thrashed usual winners Army Red to win prestigious rugby championship  after 10 years. This was their 14th win.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

Bombay Gymkhana started the final match of the All India & South Asia Rugby Championship at a crackling pace. And they never let the pace dip, not once. Starting aggressively was the key, and it yielded a wonderful result – Bombay Gymkhana thumped title favourites Army Red 7-0, thus ensuring victory for the first time since 2002.

The match was played at the CCFC Ground, Kolkata, on September 16. The victory was Bombay Gymkhana’s 14th. Army Red have won the Championship five times.

It was set to be a tightly-contested match, and both teams did not disappoint. Bombay Gymkhana hooker Altaf Shaikh scored the first try in the first 15 minutes of the game and built pressure on his opponents, while Rohaan Sethna successfully booted the conversion. At the end of the first half, the score read: Bombay Gym – 7, Army Red – 0.

In the second half, both teams took their game up a notch, but with their tight defence, Bombay Gymkhana was able to hold off the Reds until the 80th minute. At the end of the game, the score had remained  unchanged at 7-0.

Bombay Gymkhana captain Nasser Hussain said, “We played Army Red in the final last year and the year before that, and in the semis in the year before that. We knew what we were up against, and Army Red left no stone unturned to show why they have been champions all these years. We were under tremendous pressure, but it was each team player’s commitment that saw us through.” He added, “This time we had worked very hard for the title, and our ‘attack by backs and defence by forwards’ strategy worked very well. Our forwards did a commendable job in holding the Army’s heavy forward pack for the entire 80 minutes.”

Categories
Watch

‘Jab Tak Hai Jaan’ trailer

We missed seeing the classic Shahrukh Khan spreading-his-arms trick. Everything else is, well, to put it mildly, just about meh.
by The Diarist

Within a day of it being uploaded on Youtube, the trailor of Yash Chopra’s forthcoming film Jab Tak Hai Jaan had garnered 15,533 likes.

We mean, come on!

It’s not like this is about to be very revolutionary in terms of plot and treatment. There’s Shahrukh Khan, romancing two women (both really, really younger than him) and looking quite the dude on a bike with fuzz on his face. We think he needs to put on some weight first, but it was nice to see him after a long while. We have, naturally, blanked out the disaster that was Ra.One. As far as we are concerned, that film did not happen to us at all. *suppresses shudder*

 

Interestingly, nobody in the entire trailor says a single line of dialogue, while Shahrukhbhai mouths off some lovely lines throughout. We were very thrilled with this development. We will probably watch this film with a heavy heart when it releases on November 13, owing mostly to leading lady Katrina Kaif’s presence in it. And while nothing can be done about her being in the actual film, we are about to throw a party over the joyful blessing of not having to hear her say a word in Hindi at least in the promo. May we reiterate at this point that apart from admitting she is really pretty, we have always been flummoxed by the blankness of her on-screen presence?

We’re guessing that in the film, Shahrukh uncle gets jilted by one girl and shacks up with another, the another being Anushka Sharma. We like Anushka a lot, especially how tall she is, and the fact that she is probably playing a news cameraperson (considering how Shahrukh leaps out at her while something explodes just behind them. She is seen holding a camera, which was how we guessed her probable profession.) Meanwhile, Katrina prances about all over the promo looking gorgeous and showing off a pair of toned legs.

Nothing about this promo surprised or stunned us. Well, except for the soundtrack, which is the handiwork of A R Rahman. If we didn’t know who the composer was, we would have guessed Salim Suleiman. Yes, that is a broad hint.

All in all, not being diehard Shahrukh Khan or Yash Chopra fans, we were left cold by this one. We’re not expecting much from the film, either. And no, we’re not ending this piece with a contrived Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, because we think the film’s title is stupid.

The Diarist is a film junkie, and if you’re reading this, chances are you are too. If you’ve noticed a  new promo or film worth checking out, write to The Diarist at thediarist@themetrognome.in.

 

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