Author: The Metrognome

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M

Will Bollywood ever get a Bond?

Or at least a super-successful series of spy movies? We’re not asking for much, if you really think about it.

by M | M@themetrognome.in

With James Bond’s 23rd instalment around the corner (releasing next week), I started to think – will Bollywood ever get its own series of good spy movies? We are the second largest film industry in the world, but we are still light years away from Hollywood in terms of owning a super-successful franchise that the world will watch.

I really don’t get why we haven’t been able to do it yet. We obviously have the talent – no, I am not counting Salman Khan or KJo – and we have reasonably good actors and directors. So why aren’t we there yet?

The last attempt at making a spy thriller was Agent Vinod. It was nowhere close to the savoir-faire and panache that even the less-thrilling Bond movies carry. Saif Ali Khan as an undercover agent was the worst casting choice made in the history of cinema. I know many who liked the young baddie more in the film.

A series of spy films might be too much to ask for at this point, but a few good ones that bring us to the edge of our seats would suffice. So, what does it take to make a spy thriller? Let’s break it down.

The James Bond series can be primarily credited to its creator, writer Ian Fleming. The compelling stories were adapted into gripping screenplays that captivated the audience. Fleming’s style of writing and a set of characters so well-defined and well-embedded  in the audiences’ minds, ensured that plotlines outside of the novels he wrote are still being explored – and Skyfall is a case in point. This simply means that James Bond is not about to holster the gun any time soon. Thank God for small mercies.

Lack of compelling stories keeps Bollywood from making good movies. Not. Recent whatever-you-call-it Student Of The Year proves this amply. We’ve already got great Indian spy stories that we have not tapped into – consider the magnificent detective series Feluda written by Satyajit Ray. The series of short novels and stories is a fascinating combination of Sherlock Holmes-style detection and Bond-like execution, and has all the ingredients for a Bollywood masala film – suspense, drama and action. There are a couple of films and telefilms based on detective Feluda, but these hardly translated into commercial success. These stories are denied of the distinction that they deserve and someone should re-visit them at the soonest.

Plus, the Bond films have the most admirable cast. All of the Bonds thus far –  Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and now Daniel Craig – have had one enduring quality each, and some were dreamier than others. M and Q, with Judi Dench playing the former and Desmond Llewelyn as the latter, have done a splendid job in each film. And what can be said about the Bond girls? With each film, they are just making temperatures soar higher. Even the bad guys are in a league of their own.

Okay, so Bollywood doesn’t have too many options for a James Bond-inspired character, but I would still think Akshay Kumar is worthy of a chance. And we have stacks of bombshells to play his lady, or we can always import them.

Is it the money that keeps us from replicating a successful formula? I don’t think so. Hindi film-makers are never shy of blatantly copying foreign films, even if it means bringing in the crew of The Matrix or The Terminator to reproduce the exact same scenes.  Ra One and Robot established that there is no scarcity of money in Bollywood. Bollywood films may seldom have a storyline, but exotic locations are exploited only for songs and dances and not on any pathbreaking scenes. Obviously, budget is not an issue for us.

I think the real problem is direction. I cannot remember the last Bollywood film that showcased the work of an outstanding director. The current crop of directors who film sequels largely comprises failed actors (Pooja Bhatt, who directed Jism 2) or directors who refuse to quit directing (Vikram Bhatt for everything he’s ever made). We can only come up with a Farhan Akhtar who would take up the challenge of directing a spy thriller and do a decent job of it.

Dear Bollywood, man up and get cracking. Give us meaty spies, let our adrenaline flow, entertain us, and in the bargain, get acclaimed for making good cinema. Of course you’ll make money, dummy!

 

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Patrakar types

An open letter to Dr Satyapal Singh

We all agree that nobody should attack a public servant, whatever the provocation. But is anyone disciplining the police force?
by Vrushali Lad

I don’t advocate violence. I hate fights on the streets. It makes me sick when people beat each other up over trivial matters in the train. I feel frightened by how easily people are raising their fists, or even guns, on those who have irritated them in some way.

But all of that is nothing to the irritation I feel when I see the Men in Khaki make complete dirtbags of themselves, especially when they are supposed to assist the public. The Mumbai police commissioner has issued a circular that outlines the harshest punishments to those who attack cops in the city. Those who assault a cop may lose their jobs, the freedom to go out of the country, their driving licenses, their passports, and most importantly, their reputation. (Read about the circular here)

In the case of such incidents as the Azad Maidan violence, when rioters beat up policemen and molested policewomen, and even in such cases where cops get beaten up by gangs of thieves who the cops attempted to capture, I feel for the police force. They are overworked, underpaid, and generally not protected by the administration when they face such issues on the field.

But, Dr Satyapal Singh, please answer this: However underpaid, understaffed and unprotected your police force is, does it take your men too much effort to cultivate some basic manners? I cite a few incidents that I have personally witnessed, and which will help you see what I mean:

–  My house was burgled two years ago. It was a case of forced entry, and the thieves took advantage of the fact that my cupboard keys were lying in plain view. The constable’s (who came for the panchnama) first comment to me was: “You are educated people. How can you leave your cupboard keys lying around when nowadays there are so many burglaries taking place?”

– The fingerprint ‘expert’, while doing nothing useful, kept extolling the virtues of the thieves, who he said had not left a single fingerprint behind. “Very clever this thief is,” he chuckled to my face.

– At the police station, while getting my FIR written, a woman from a neighbouring slum came in crying and said that her husband had taken her child away from her and locked her out of the house, furious that she had gone to Tirupati without his permission. Do you know what your duty officer did, Dr Singh? He didn’t write a complaint. He didn’t call the husband to the police station. No, sir. He said to the woman, “Has he been fighting with you for long?” When she said ‘yes’, he said, “You had gone to Tirupati. Why didn’t you ask God to grant your husband some sense?” The woman left the police station shortly after this.

– When a call centre employee was rude to my father over a disputed phone company bill, the duty officer at the police station deigned to call the call centre, but hung up after a brief conversation, because the girl who was rude to my dad refused to give her last name. The duty officer exclaimed, “I cannot talk to people who do not give out their father’s names.”

– My best friend went to court with his aunt to claim a gold chain that had been snatched from her a few months ago. Your officers refused to return the chain without a bribe of Rs 500. And the chain they gave her wasn’t even hers, it was somebody else’s.

– Two years later, my burglary case has still not being solved. Why? Because your men tell me that “jewellery and laptop thefts are difficult to crack.” Oh, but they insist that I go to court and classify the case.

Dr Singh, you are within your rights to protect your men. And I do agree that your men require protection. But can you really blame a person for assaulting your men, when harried by the theft of his car, or his mobile phone, or a domestic dispute, and instead of receiving help and commiseration, only gets unasked-for advice on how he was wrong and how he deserved what happened to him? It took me all of my self-control to not pick up a heavy object and hurl it in your constable’s face, when he kept saying that it was my fault that my house had been burgled. Only the fear of consequences stops more people from assaulting your men.

We’re human, too, Dr Singh. We get really furious when your men tell us how we got what we deserved. Does anybody deserve to be thrown out of their houses? Or to lose everything to thieves, everything they’ve worked for all their lives, because they left their home for a few hours to visit relatives? Or to have their mobile phones flicked from their pockets? What gives your men the right, then, to tell us that we were in the wrong when something like this happens to us? Or to demand a bribe to do their jobs?

Yes, you are within your rights to make my life a living hell if I assault a member of your force. In the meantime, Dr Singh, why don’t you also ensure that your men mend their boorish, often uncooperative ways? If you feel that taking away my driving licence, my job, my passport and everything that is a close part of who I am, will ‘discipline’ me, are you also issuing a circular to your men, stating how you will discipline them if they refuse to do their jobs, and not add to a complainant’s grief and fury by being wiseguys?

Respectfully yours,

Vrushali Lad,

A Mumbai citizen.

(Picture courtesy mid-day.com)

Categories
Read

An astonishing children’s library at Churchgate

The Vohu Mano library has a lifetime membership of Rs 350 only, plus children can read rare titles as well.
by The Diarist | thediarist@themetrognome.in

Inside the Theosophy Hall just opposite the American Centre at New Marine Lines, there is a lovely little children’s library that houses every sort of book, comic and encyclopaedia that a child could possibly desire. Books such as the Trixie Belden series, now not available in most bookstores, back issues of The National Geographic, a towering collection of Amar Chitra Katha comics and a host of beloved children’s authors are neatly displayed on its shelves.

The fourth floor library has a lifetime membership fee of only Rs 350. “It is actually a refundable deposit, and there are no other charges,” says a ‘student’ who manages the centre (all Theosophy followers in the building prefer not to use their names and call themselves ‘students’.) She adds, “The deposit is refundable only after six months, however. The idea behind such a small deposit is that even those chidren who cannot afford to purchase books can have access to good reading material at our library.”

Vohu Mano is ancient Persian for ‘The superior mind’. The student says, “People who come here for the first time are surprised at our vast collection of books, apart from the low lifetime fees. After the library started in 1962, its fees were Rs 5 for the longest time. However, we have had to progressively increase the deposit amount to meet our operational costs.” The library does not purchase any books but relies solely on donations from the public or the United Lodge of Theosophists. “It is lovely to see children as young as 10 years of age come with several books and leave them with us,” the student says. “So many children come with even 15 books sometimes, and some of the books are in mint condition.” The library also accepts monetary contributions for the upkeep of the library.

Interestingly, though the library insists on membership up to 18 years of age, several parents and older collegians also drop by to borrow books. “Since there are several offices in the area, it is the parents that come to borrow books for their children. But they also find books interesting to them, such as our encyclopaedias. College students, especially borrow our educational material for their project work,” she says.

The library now boasts of a 1,000+ membership. “There are 15 to 20 visitors every day,” she says. “It helps that we have a nice reading room where children can select a book and read without interruption.”

About the library:

– There is a refundable Rs 500 deposit to be paid if you want to borrow reference material.

– Children can borrow one old book and one new book at a time. Alternatively, they can borrow two magazines, or one book and one magazine.

– The library began in 1962 with over 1,000 books in English and over 100 books in Gujarati, Urdu, Hindi and Marathi.

(Picture courtesy www.childrensbooksandmusic.com)

The Diarist is always on the lookout for interesting book-related nooks. If you know of a good reading room or unexplored library, do write in to thediarist@themetrognome.in and the diarist will feature the place. 

 

 

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Big story

Mumbai is state’s murder capital

However, police records show marginal dip in overall murder cases in 2011, more men are murdered in State than women.
by The Editors | editor@themetrognome.in

With the murder of model-actor Bidushi Dash Barde in Andheri on Monday this week, the spotlight is again on the safety and security of women in their own homes. However, a look at police figures compiled for Maharashtra and Mumbai reveals that incidences of murders (overall) have marginally gone down in 2011 as compared to 2010.

Interestingly, more men than women have been murdered in Maharashtra in 2011; the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) state that in every age group except the 10 to 15 age group, there were more men murdered than women in every age group. The biggest difference was in the 30 to 50 years age group, where 826 men were murdered, as opposed to 292 women.

However, Mumbai is the murder capital of the state, with 203 murders recorded in 2011, out of a total of 2,818 murders for Maharashtra. Thane is a distant second at 127 murders in the same year, followed by Nagpur (114) and Pune (110).

Crimes against women

Crimes against women (comprising sexual crimes, trafficking and abduction) have gone up in Mumbai in the last year. This year, the city has been rocked by sensational murder cases, in which women were killed in their own homes. Some of these cases include the murder of 25-year-old lawyer Pallavi Puryakastha by her building’s watchman, Suzanne Rodrigues’ death by stabbing in her home in Marve Road, and senior citizen Sarla Vasudevan’s killing at her VP Road residence. Bidushi Dash-Barde’s killing at her Andheri home is the newest addition to this list.

(Picture courtesy bharatchugh.files.wordpress.com)

 

 

 

Categories
Become

Writing from the heart and other great ideas

Her first book sold 50,000 copies and her second one’s just out. Madhuri Banerjee talks about putting herself out there.
by Vrushali Lad | vrushali@themetrognome.in

Madhuri Banerjee wrote her first novel, Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas, on a whim. “I had just had my baby and a 30-something friend was visiting me. While talking, she mentioned that she was still a virgin. That made me think a bit,” Madhuri says. Surprised at this information, and wondering if there were other such virgins around, she spoke to a few of her friends. “There were about three other women who said they were still virgins. “I wondered: what does a woman have to do to lose her virginity?”

And so Madhuri sat down in September 2008 and began to write. “I wrote one punchy chapter, then I showed it to my best friend, asking if she would like to read more. She said she was interested in reading further. I also showed it to my husband, who raised his eyebrows and said, ‘Chick lit?’” she laughs. “But when I said I was serious about writing this, he said, ‘Be the next Elizabeth Gilbert.’”

Since her baby was just three months old and her husband worked full-time, Madhuri could write only at night. “The story was already in my head, and I didn’t edit it as I wrote. I finally finished it in January 2009. Then I wondered how to send the book to publishers.”

Sending the manuscript: Her husband’s friend had been published by Penguin. “I sent my manuscript to that contact that the friend gave, and like an idiot, I sent the entire book at once, instead of just a synopsis and a sample chapter,” she grins. “I also enclosed a cover letter saying that I was a debut writer hoping to be a debut author. But I did not know that the woman I had sent out the book to was the Penguin CEO’s wife! And she got back to me in 48 hours!”

The publishers’ first feedback: “Heather, who I had sent the book to, said she loved it and that she would ask the relevant editor to contact me and that they would send me the contract. She ended by welcoming me to the Penguin family. I had goosebumps all over my body, and I stammered my thanks, hardly believing what I was hearing,” she says. The editor called a week later and things got underway. “I had also sent my book to Harper Collins, but I didn’t hear back from them and honestly, I didn’t care. My first book was about relationships and for me, relationships are far more important than business.”

The production process: “Penguin is extremely thorough with the editing process. My editor had skimmed through the book on her first read, then she read it thoroughly on her second read. The book then went through structural changes, grammatical errors were removed, there were some name changes as well. Yet another editor read sections of it, 30 pages at a time, and she was extremely thorough. She suggested several language changes, and she and I had several arguments about them. I accused her of having Jane Austen sensibilities, not letting me use words like ‘Ain’t,’, and she retorted that she was only trying to make it better!” Madhuri laughs. “But she really made me understand the editing process well.”

The jacket: Normally, Madhuri says, the publishers show you a jacket option “that they try to convince you is the best option.” Her book’s first cover had a picture of a balloon “with three things coming out of it. Given a choice, I would have loved a picture of water droplets and a rainbow and a girl standing at a window.” She adds, “It was very exciting. We sold 20,000 copies with that first cover. The second cover was very successful, everybody loved it. Usually, if the book falls in a particular category, like mine did (it was published by Penguin Metro Reads), the jacket design follows a set format.”

The launch: The book was launched at Penguin’s Spring Fest in March 2011, and had a Mumbai launch later, in which actor Gul Panag was the chief guest. “Gul said she’d be there only for a short while, then she spent three hours at the launch. It was great,” Madhuri says.

Sales: “The book has sold over 50,000 copies so far,” Madhuri says. “It is still selling, and I’m shocked that people are still reading it.” But what about the royalty factor, and is it true that first-time authors are paid a pittance as advance fees? “Yes, you make peanuts as a debut author. But you know, I spoke with Ashok Banker, and he said that he was paid very little by publishers for a long time before he was signed on with an eight-figure advance. It’s best to leave all that to the publishers, and write for yourself with all your heart.”

Authors can also make more money through translations of their work in other languages, like Madhuri is doing – her first book has now been translated in three Indian languages, and has been selected for an e-book version for Kindle.

Multiple book deals: Since the novel was a big success – in the Indian publishing scene, anything selling about 5,000 copies is considered a good break – Penguin handed Madhuri a two-book deal. This prompted a big rethink, because she hadn’t considered writing a sequel. “The publishers give you a deadline in which to finish each book, and mine was March 2012. The sequel was more difficult, because your characters had to have evolved, there had to be a whole new dimension to them and the plot. Plus, the scenes, the dialogues had to be more mature. I put more of myself in this book than the first,” she reveals.

Cruel feedback: How does she deal with criticism? “Very badly,” she giggles. “When I received the first emails really trashing my book, I cried for days. It still takes me an entire day to recover from nasty feedback. People really were cruel, some of them said the book was terrible, it should never have been printed, my writing was pathetic. I find it tough to deal with it, because I am passionate about every sentence I write. Every word I put down is me. And I don’t criticise another person’s creativity at all. Now I’ve taught myself not to imbibe the negativity. I rest peacefully, meditate and find a balance.”

Madhuri’s tips for aspiring authors:

– Know your work thoroughly. Go through it with a fine tooth comb, and be confident about your story. More importantly, live with it for some time.

– Be patient. Publishers have a huge workload and they may take time to evaluate your work. Be patient whether you receive an acceptance letter or a rejection email. If your work has been rejected, reevaluate it, rework it, give it a different title, send it out again.

– Be shameless about networking. Use your friends, their contacts, whoever you think will get you that foot in the door. Buy them a lavish dinner if you have to, just go out there and network.

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Guest writer

Piquance is a taste

…and so are ‘umami’ and ‘metallic’. But, says our writer, we Indians are only now learning to tell the difference.
by Rakshit Doshi

I never take recommendations for restaurants from everyone. Simply because I am convinced that people (those who don’t care about what they are eating) don’t understand the difference between good food and great food; although, they do pick out bad food very easily and that is mostly accurate.

It is actually unfair to ‘judge’ food because it is subjective. It is like music or painting where the creator has his thought process laid out on a canvas, but it would be nice if the consumer understood what he is listening to, looking at and in this case, eating.

I asked a few friends about what was great food, according to them. The responses, mainly, were skewed towards their personal favourite tastes. So a sweet-tooth buddy went, “I love that Gujrati daal, man… it has got such a nice flavour”. Nope, it is not the flavour he likes, it’s the sweet taste of jaggery.

So here is my attempt at making this a short lesson on how to stop simply eating your food and savouring it, understanding it and enjoying it better. If I were to compare food to music, I would say that this piece may give you enough knowledge to at least decide whether you prefer rock or pop music, rather than just saying, “I like Madonna!”

Tastes of India

Good food has three basic factors that are in harmony: taste, flavour and texture. While it is easy to understand texture, people often confuse ‘taste’ with ‘flavour’. To put it very simply, taste is what your tongue conveys and flavour is what your nose tells you. Try this sometime: pinch your nose and have a mint. You will have no idea what you are eating, because you are not getting the ‘flavour’ of mint.

Now, there are seven different tastes that have been classified so far. Four of these are the more common ones which we can pick up very easily, two of the remaining three, are very difficult to explain, and one of them is an absolute revelation. Until recently, I too had no idea that this last one is a ‘taste’.

The four common ones are, sweet (like sugar), sour (like lemon), salty (well, like salt) and bitter (like coffee or cocoa). The uncommon two are ‘umami’ and ‘metallic’. ‘Umami’ is what you usually get from say, cheese or soy sauce. It’s that slight salty bitterness which is very evident in our ‘Indian Chinese’ food because we use MSG a lot here, which produces a strong umami taste. ‘Metallic’ is probably like biting a coin. It is difficult to explain or to pick these out, but my wife did point out a little truth about ‘metallic’ taste: water tastes different when you have it out of a metal container than a glass container. Do you think so, too?

And the final ‘taste’ is one, which until recently, was not even classified as taste! I am sure we have all experienced the ‘coolness’ when we pop a mint or the ‘hotness’ of jalapeño and pepper pods. Yes, this is a taste and it is called, ‘piquance’!

What’s in a flavour?

Moving on to ‘flavour’: this doesn’t really have any specific definition. Flavour is what actually makes food complex and builds on the taste via the nose. Indians love flavour in everything, and why not? After all, we are the spice capital of the world! Our regional and traditional food thrives on the balance of flavour. The Indian dish will comprise of one or two main ingredients, but there will be forty different spices to build the flavour. Maybe it is also true with western cooking, but their hero is that one ingredient whereas for us the proportion of ginger and cardamom, even in our afternoon tea, makes all the difference.

I thank all my office buddies who come from various parts of the country and bring their ghar ka khaana along. A simple bhindi ki sabzi from say, a Punjabi home, may have a strong mustardy robust taste and flavour, but when you taste that same bhindi from a south Indian home, you know it has changed completely, simply because of that extra pinch of asafoetida (heeng) as opposed to the mustard in it.

There’s also a little something called texture: this is where good food can become great and great food can become mind-blowing. It is something chefs should play with a lot more. Texture really helps in breaking monotony, like having toasted bread with your pasta or risotto; the fried noodles on top of the hot and sour soup; the biscuit with your evening chai and the papad with your sambar-rice are all instances of textural complexity in food. My favourite textural symphony is a great ramekin of Crème brûlée. Cracking that sugar and hitting a fluffy cloud of cream is musical.

So there you have it, a small insight on tasting food with a little more interest than just saying achcha hai. Looking for these elements can be fun and a little like a treasure hunt. It is for me. What about you?

Rakshit writes for broadcast media to earn his bread and butter but he is also a foodie, who loves to make a fat club sandwich of it.

(Picture courtesy images.sciencedaily.com)

 

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